»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
Above and Beyond - Chapter One
| Passions in Prose |
|
Above and Beyond - Chapter One |
|
|
Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Chapter One It was snowing in Washington, D.C. Frank Morrison's alarm went off and he lay there, for a time wishing he were 18 again. "Boy, I wouldn't admit that to anyone" he thought. Moments later, he was heading a hot shower, something to make his blood boil. That's what Frank needed on this cold, January morning. Not one to indulge in breakfast, he only needed a quick cup of coffee to see him through until he arrived at work for another cup. Once dressed, showered and shaved, he quickly reached for his briefcase and headed out the door into the garage. He checked to make certain his cell phone was on and upon opening the garage door, and proceeded to brave the start of what appeared to be a commute of snowy roads and hurried drivers. Traffic was horrendous as Frank approached the government office building and grimaced at the thought of another day inside of those four walls. He looked up at the clouds and knew snow would be falling more heavily than it had begun to, no doubt making his drive home that evening, more treacherous. Frank was used to extreme heat and cold, used to travel and used to people. What he couldn't stand was the deadly silence from inside his head. For years, it had been there, and sometimes he felt others picked up on it. Did anyone know him? Would someone ever truly know him? Parking his car, he quickly entered the building and went through the tight security measures wondering if anyone is really safe. The elevator was slow and he was secretly thankful to be the only one in it. Frank didn't like morning conversation until he'd had more coffee. As he entered his office, he brushed a few introductory specks of snow that had reached his shoulders off, and prepared the coffee. The smell of it was almost as good as the first taste. He stood there, nearly frozen and felt reluctant to turn on the lights. Scores of books lined his shelves, along with many plaques and awards. He was proud of them and he had fought hard for each and every one, many he never mentioned or brought to light, but he felt something was missing. There had to be more to his life than the seals on these diplomas, and more to the losses he had endured. There had to be something more, but Frank did not know what this could be, and it bothered him, as he stood there. looking around the office, the office he worked in every day. Today, for some reason, it all seemed different. He stood at his office window and glanced out at the American flag flying in the courtyard of his office building. Today, a day much like any other winter day, seemed to bring more of a sense of loss, unlike none he had ever known before. The office was quiet. Frank was usually the first one to arrive, settling in before any of his co-workers. It gave him a chance to think, and yet Frank had fought his own thoughts for so long. He poured a cup of coffee and placed his suit jacket over the chair and sat at his desk, not bothering to turn on the lights just yet. "Why am I here, what does it matter? Does anyone really know me? What have I achieved, and what have I lost? What have I gained? In the corner, his clock chimed, and reminded him that time was affording him the opportunity to entertain the idea of someone entering his life, who would make an impression, someone who had been waiting outside his corridor for a very long time. His outside business ventures had given him a sense of accomplishments. Surely, that must account for something. He had made sound investments, assured his only daughter, Katherine, a secure future many years ago, and now longed to leave something for not only her, but also any future grandchildren she might have. It all seemed so temporal. It all seemed so inconsequential. Frank believed, standing here at this moment, that he would give up all the plaques and all the investments for one more chance to hear someone cry "Help me" and he would be there. Something to fuel the passion in his blood, something to brush the tarnish off of his blood wings, so he could fly once again. He remembered the feeling he had when he first received them and the feeling of being alive, and he wanted that once again. The questions bothered him. He wanted someone to talk with. Someone who didn't know him, but he really wanted someone to know him, and find that without his revealing himself, he or she would just sense who he was and what he had lost. "Oh, hell, this silence is brutal. Everything is getting to me. I don't know, I just don't know, it all seems so long ago, just let it go," he thought to himself. To a degree, he wanted to escape from emotion, bury it; he wanted and had plenty of room for someone who had the capacity for a vast supply of it. Warfare. Frank knew about it. He had studied it, lived it, and risked his life for it, and now, sitting here, he wondered why some made it and others didn't. He had his blood wings, he had his memories and he felt he still had his vision. He felt the vision was there, yet incomplete. Had he something else to fulfill? He needed to open the hidden passages in his life, yet he wasn't sure. To do so would mean exposure to memories, and a certain level of vulnerability. Once buried memories were sure to sting even more when brought to the surface. Still, he began to think about those memories hoping to make room for someone else's, and perhaps in that, sense a peace he had never known. Frank hoped to find a peace that would bring him to grips with his past. He began to think if anyone else had ever struggled with life after a war, of course this must be true, and if they had what kind? The kind of war that is strategically planned on a board by Generals, or the war that is blueprinted in your soul and carried out by fate. Was there someone who had lived through another kind of warfare? Did someone call out and no one was there? Someone who in another time found that he or she held emotions that seemed linked to his own? Certainly, someone like this could exist, and if they did, what would the odds be of finding this person? Frank began to think he had wandered into a dreamlike state and fought the feelings of anticipation and excitement, although his heart richly received them. A heart that somehow felt empty, at the very moment in time when he almost had stopped listening to it beating. "Well, the world is sure in one hell of a mess!" Frank turned on his computer and fiddled with his fingers, sipping on the coffee and then got up to turn on the lights. Computers had changed his job dramatically and he worked with them all day long. They also afford a kind of safe communication; one could be as anonymous as they wanted to be. No one had to know who he was or what he had been through, he could simply exchange a few messages to perhaps find another perspective. He decided to place an ad. Yes, Frank would tell no one, for he felt a bit foolish for a moment, but figured he had nothing to lose. He would place a simple ad. "I don't want to talk to teenagers." He thought and he began to compose it, thinking nothing would come from it, a passing phase, but still he wondered. In a world of secrets, he would have this one, one of his own and in it; perhaps he could find the peace he needed. He just didn't want to get too close, or did he? Fighting this concern, he decided it would be worth the risk. Cynical and hard at times, Frank wondered who would want to hear his thoughts. How honest should he be, and how much information about himself should he reveal? Frank was used to keeping secrets, but somehow he felt if he found the right person, he would know a freedom he'd never known. One that would in a sense, honor the emotions he had turned off for so many years and not only change his perspective, but give him a reason to turn on the lights, a reason to believe. He finished the ad and placed it, then settling about his morning routine. He had decided to return later tomorrow and check it, not expecting anything much. He had already accepted the ill notion that many would respond and he would be more discouraged, but he knew he had to try at least this once. "I just won't let myself get close, that's all, that's the key, I just won't. Probably won't amount to a hill of beans, and even if it did, no, can't think of that, there's no one who has the depth of emotion to take mine, and what help could I be?" The wind outside was picking up and the January snow had began to fall in ivory spotted prints on the sidewalk below. The coffee warmed Frank, he stood up, returned to the window and thought of 1963. He thought of the flags flying then, and the meaning of it. Knowing, in the back of his mind that he'd heard a cry from his Commander in Chief to answer a call. Was there truly a time of Camelot and did relationships like that exist in a world where stark reality left you cold and bruised? "Maybe I have my own cry, hell, I don't know, maybe I need someone to listen, or maybe I just need someone I can listen to." The flag whipped in the wind, struggling to remain constant, just as he had done. His marriage had soured, as happens often, and Frank didn't blame his wife, Barbara, for he knew that he too, had contributed to it, and yet at this point, he wanted desperately to have someone to talk with. Barbara had raised their daughter, Katherine, to the best of her ability and been there when Frank could not, and he wasn't much of the time. The reason was flying in the courtyard and some days that haunted him. "Damn government bureaucracy, it has it's place but when the inside of a man is tested, what does it all mean?" he thought. He loved his daughter. He had missed so much of her growing up, and now he looked back still, not feeling regret for it, only a tinge of guilt at times. Did others feel this way? Yearning to go back to when it was all there? He remembered the glory of it, and all of the risk. He knew these thoughts could easily be deadened as he had done so many times, just putting it in the back of his mind, but he wanted to leave something behind. He wanted someone to know the things he had never shared, and know they would not turn away from him. He wanted someone who was loyal. Frank wanted and needed another kind of comrade. One who would go above and beyond. Thoughts of seeing a cold, blank stare, of someone being left behind were still there just under the surface. If someone had to talk, if someone needed someone else to listen, Frank felt he could be that person. "I'm not looking for an affair and I sure don't want to fall in love. I don't need it and I don't want it, I just want, well, I don't know what I want, but something's eating away at me. No harm can come from it, I'll know, I'll just know if it's not right, I'll sense it and I'll stop if it seems futile. A few messages back and forth and it'll be out of my system, just something to do when I turn this stupid thing on, that's all, just something to fill the space on the screen, no one could possibly ever know me without my allowing it, what am I afraid of?" He decided to put these thoughts aside and proceed with his schedule for the day. "No one falls in love over the Internet, and no one knows me, so why am I entertaining these ridiculous notions!" "Good morning, Frank, oh good I see you already have coffee, may I?" Julia, his secretary peeped in to make her presence known, poured a cup of coffee for herself, and then started to leave as he answered her " Julia, Good Morning, I sure hope it doesn't snow all day, do I have any appointments this morning? I can't for the life of me remember?" "I'll check and let you know, I don't believe that you do, it looks like a quiet Friday, and for us government employees that's a relief." She turned to leave him to his work, and Frank knew it was going to be very difficult not to check for a response, but it was too soon, he suddenly felt foolish dwelling on this and felt as if he truly were 18. The telephone rang. It was his daughter, Katherine, asking if he were free for lunch. A welcome relief to a cold, unsettling morning left him smiling. He loved his daughter more than anyone in the world. To him, she was still that sweet little angel who would greet him when he returned from long stretches of time and fall asleep on his lap, with a book left unread, knowing she was safe. Now, here she was a grown woman, full of life, vibrant and holding her own in the career world. Katherine had always been a bright, thoughtful, caring child and she had developed into an amazing woman full of strength and character. Frank would do anything for Katherine, no matter what. "Dad, today we have to have cheeseburgers, ok?" she said before hanging up. "Sure thing, honey, anything you say, sounds wonderful, I'll see you about 12:00" The years he had lost spending time with Katherine were the one regret he had in his life. Frank decided it was time to live in the present, but to do that, he felt he must deal with the past, if fate would bring him someone who would allow that to happen. Time would answer these questions in his mind, but Frank did not like timetables, he refused to live by them, and the chiming of the clock reminded he was perhaps being given another opportunity. "I never intended to make it this far, but here I am, now what?" He would check his e-mail tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, in another part of Washington, a young woman, Lana Cassidy was running late for work, but stopped to check the personals. "Why am I doing this, maybe curiosity, I don't know, what can it hurt?" She quickly fired up her PC before heading out the door. < !signature--> Kathleen [This message has been edited by Irish Rose (edited 09-27-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Kathleen - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
I saw love brewing as soon as Lana "fired up" her computer. Great inroductory chapter, Kathleen. I look forward to the next installment. I am very pleasantly surprised with your writing talents. I thought you were only writing poetry. Liz |
||
|
Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Thank you Liz, you know I thought poetry was it for me too,and truthfully it is my first love, but this does offer such another avenue and I love it. Thanks for the encouragement and I'm working feverishly in the next chapter. Kathleen |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
I got absolute chills reading this, please please please don't leave me hanging too long  ~Heather oh and...real love does happen on the internet...I've seen too much proof of it to be convinced of otherwise... |
||
|
Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
X-Angel: I promised a chapter at least once a week, if people were interested! Thank you, and I'll post them unless I get hit by a truck or something Kathleen |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
