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AndrewDL Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 24California |
I've been posting a little bit here at Passions and I guess I figured that now would be a good time as any to post my own thread. In the brief time that I've been here, I have noticed that I am just not cut out for poetry but it seems that I have found my niche in prose. I write a lot of prose and this is my favorite of the collection. It was really a test I made for myself for imagery. It is based on a real girl that I met, but the ensuing events are absolutely fictitious. It doesn’t have a title because I simply don’t like to take the time to title my work, I just feel that a title would kill it but that’s just my way of doing things. I hope you all enjoy it. ____ She stood not more than six yards from me; her gorgeous eyes met mine in a bedazzled gaze. My eyes slowly wondered from her gaze and gently caressed every immaculate curve on her body. Her fingertips softly gripped the lustrous aluminum can that she would periodically lift to her lips. I closed my eyes tightly but briefly at times, imagining that it was I and not the can, that was pressed so firmly against her sweet puckered lips. She shifted her body towards my direction and in doing so, drew my attention back to her eyes. I had not noticed before, but her eyes shined gloriously as each ray of light ricocheted off of the pupils and whites of her eyes. They sparked an intense and undeniable passion in me as I gazed, awestricken, at her. They glimmered and glistened keenly and serenely in an area that was so crowded and chaotic. Her eyes shimmered as beautifully as a midnight star; shined like a diamond in the snow. And then her lips moved. She spoke soft silent words that only I could hear and understand. Her words were slow and deliberate; she took short pauses between each breathy whisper that she sent to my ears from a few yards away. It seemed as if she was reciting a poem about us, or maybe singing a song. Her words stirred the strings of my heart like a guitar as I provided the music for her lovely ballad. And with her words, we made love from afar as she sang her song. Our bodies and souls intertwined as we soared on the wings of passion for what seemed like hours. And then we looked away, as if the sensations were simply too overwhelming. We smiled and I looked up at the stars as she walked right by me: her eyes glistening in the oceans of passion where the rapport between her and man who adored her had taken her. And I, I stared at the stars in a bedazzled gaze and closed my eyes tightly but briefly at times. -Andrew Trust too much, and you may be deceived, but trust too little and you will live in torment forever. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Andrew D.L. - All Rights Reserved | |||
Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
Beautifully written Andrew. thank you.  |
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AndrewDL Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 24California |
No, thank you Victoria for taking the time to read my work. I'm curious, what did you like most about it? Did you think that anything was either too obscure, vague, or cliche? I'm looking for some feedback so that this could evolve into something that can be both beautifully complex and yet still be wondrously simple. Thanks again. -Andrew Trust too much, and you may be deceived, but trust too little and you will live in torment forever. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is a beautiful piece! I especally love the imagery. The only flaw I can think of is that it's too short. Keep up the great work!< !signature--> If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a diffrent drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away"-Throeau [This message has been edited by LoveBug (edited 09-09-2000).] |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
I liked what was not said but what was felt in your prose Andrew. I dont write much prose.I am more into poetry. Maybe I will send you a prose of mine. Thank you for the email.. |
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Night_Myst Junior Member
since 2000-08-16
Posts 34River Falls, WI |
Wonderfully written. I really don't know what to say, because it expresses the same feelings I have had as well. I know what it is like to long for a love that isn't. Thank you for writing this feeling down. It was wonderful to read. |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
Beautiful, and I loved the comparisons that you make in your prose. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I read it and when I reached the end, I was expecting more and I wanted to know more about the two people in the story. That's the thing about short stores; they limit us don't they!I liked it. Kathleen |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Oh wow...I can definately see why this is your favourite...I absolutely adored it, to say it was a masterpiece would be underestimating the intensity of it...to say it was merely beautiful would be underestimating the imagery of it...to say it was sad tale of lost love would be underestimating the passion of it...there are simply no words that can give it all the praise it deserves. I take my hat off to my friend and I hope you will give me the honor of being able to read another of your great works of art soon. Shell. |
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Moon Dust
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177Skelmersdale, UK |
I like this, I agree with lovebug it is too short and I want more There are enough colours in the world, To paint your own dreams, You won't get them, Till you try. |
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