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wingless angel
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wingless angel |
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ILoveSrfrs Member
since 1999-11-14
Posts 69California |
hey, i'm 14 and this is my first time posting in a prose forum (i've only posted in teen poetry before) please reply to this with any sugg.s or crit. thank you ! -x- mf She wasn't aware of her descent. She didn't know how she fell, or why her throat was so swollen, or why there was dirty red paint on the bleached ground. And she didn't put it all together until she realized the gray feathered wings safety pinned to her back. ---------------------------------------------------- "I can make you happy." He had said. "And how can you do that?" she replied "I don't know yet, but I promise you a smile." She looked at this stranger who had just promised her the world. His voice didn't match his face. It was too deep and assured for this face. This face belonged to a boy who stayed up past 3AM making ex-girlfriends mixed tapes, and throwing them away in a fury of defeat. These eyes appreciated sunrises from the Hollywood sign, this mouth recited Sylvia Plath at the local coffee shops. This face did not belong to such a confident voice. And this was her take-off, the beginning of her fall. --- "I love you a thousand times." He whispered and nuzzled his ear in between her breasts. She breathed in and out softly, and ran her black-tipped fingers through his white fluff. "I love listening to your heart beat." He told her, "It beats so fast." --- She had never dreamed of someone so fabulous. Someone who knew her flaws and loved her not just in spite of them, but because of them. Someone who stayed up until 3AM making her mixed tapes, who held her while they watched the sunrise from the Hollywood sign, and who recited her love poems at the local coffee shops. Someone with such a confident voice. --- He fingered the tie on the back of her dress, dancing close enough to share the same breath. Dozens of people were doing the same, all involved in their own cutout lives. "These people aren't like us. Pretend they are gone. It's just you and me," he whispered. "We're dancing alone in the dark, with a spotlight on just you and I, and no one can hear us, and we wouldn't need to be heard, because it's just you and I...just you and I." --- He had kept his promise. He made her smile. She smiled when he held her in the dark, she smiled when she read his notes that called her his "wingless angel", she smiled in the middle of a kiss and she thought it was beautiful. She was in a smile when he had said "If I asked you to love me forever, would you? Would you promise to love me always?" She said yes. His eyes turned a darker shade as he said, "Would you die with me?" She said yes, and her smile disappeared. --- He grew sadder and sadder, so she stayed up until 3AM making him mixed tapes, took him to the Hollywood sign to watch the sun rise, read him her favorite poems at the local coffee shops. But he still didn't smile. --- "I love you a thousand times." She said as she rested her head on his stomach. He ran his white fingers through her dark hair, and a tear fell. "I love to listen to your heart beat," she said, "It beats so slow." --- And then he fell. And she fell too. And they kept eachothers promises. He had made her smile, and now she would do the same. So then it went black. ----------------------------------------------------And so then she remembered her fall. She put her hand to her throat and knew why it was swollen, and why the ground was red. So she started to walk, and she walked and walked and walked, looking for her wingless angel. |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Me likes this one, good story telling here! I liked how he lost his smile when she said she'd die for him.. I liked this one, good writing  Abrahm Simons "Keep on dreamin' boy 'cause when you stop dreaming it's time to die" - Blind Melon |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Lates bring this one back to the top. Like Abe, I think you wrote this quite well! The ending was nicely wrapped up. Christopher |
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