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The Last Tear
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The Last Tear |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Jenny had never been one for tears. Growing up with three older brothers who teased her unmercifully, she knew crying would never get her anything but another reason to cry. But today, silent tears caressed her swollen cheeks. Her heart hurt. In a deep painful way. Losing something precious had been like a stab to her chest. But she had lost it. She shook her head slowly as she stared at the wall of the jail cell. Someone had scrawled ‘Jackie does it for free!’ on one wall. Jenny turned at the sound of coughing by the only other woman in the cell. She was older, about fifty, with sparse gray hair and sun-browned skin. She was brought into the cell shortly after midnight and lay on the bed coughing at thirty-second intervals. Jenny wanted to strangle her! Another cough! This time the woman murmured ‘excuse me’. Another cough! Jenny turned towards the window to watch as the morning began. Her last morning on earth. A rooster crowed in the distance. Another cough! The sound of a many voices chattering could be heard softly in the distance. The villagers would be walking towards the jail compound to watch Jenny as she walked to the gallows. Another cough! She rose and stood below the window, as it was much too high in the wall to reach. Her arm stretched up and she felt the first glow of the rising sun on her fingertips. She touched her wet cheeks with the sunwarmed fingers, drying the tears she had shed in self-pity. Another cough! They had told her there would be no breakfast. No special last meal for such a hated criminal. She hadn’t eaten in four days but she felt no pangs of hunger. She was thirsty but out of pride, refused to ask for water. Another cough! She looked now at her hands. The nails were ragged where she had clawed the ground trying to dig a makeshift grave for ‘him’. Dirt clung under them as though it was the last thing of his she would ever know. Another cough! Jenny turned to tell the old woman to stop coughing but her voice would not work. She opened her mouth and shut it again. No use. She wouldn’t hear the coughing much longer anyway. She closed her eyes. Footsteps in the hall signaled the guards’ arrival. Not much longer now. Another cough! Four men stopped in front of the cell. One, a burly man with a red shock of hair on his head and a small tuft of red blonde hair on his chin, opened the door and motioned her out. Another cough! Jenny walked forward slowly and as she left the cell turned and looked at the woman. Sitting on the bed, the woman looked away. Another cough! The cough was fainter now as Jenny was marched down the hall to a stairway and down two flights of stairs to a door marked ‘exit’. The men led her outside. She shielded her eyes from the glare of the sun. Her thirst was magnified and she turned and asked for a drink of water. ‘Too late for that!” one of the guard told her. And then he coughed. Jenny looked at him in wonder. Then looked at all the guards. Each coughed at thirty second intervals! Another cough! This time it was from the crowd of onlookers. Whipping her head back and forth, she saw that all of the 100 or so gathered in front of the wooden gallows would cover their mouth to cough. Another cough! Another…another! She was led up the steps to the platform that held the hangman and his rope. She knew she would not get her water now but she had to ask. “Please, may I have a drink of water?” Another cough! No one answered. The hangman stepped forward with a black bag and tried to put it over her head. “No.” Jenny said. “No.” Another cough! The rope was placed around Jenny’s neck. A man dressed in black and holding a bible stepped forward. Another cough! Jenny scanned the faces in the crowd although she knew there were none familiar to her. This was not her home. Not her people. Not her village. This was not her planet. And today, she would die alone. Another cough! Jenny closed her eyes. She had committed a sin. She loved man, a human. And as an ‘alien’ she was now marked for death. Another cough! The rope was tightened around her neck and she stepped onto the door that would soon give way to allow her to dangle to her death. Another cough! She mused on her lover’s last words to her. Just before she kissed him, he said he wished he had never met her, had never loved her. “I know.” She had whispered. “It is the same with me.” Then she kissed him and released the poison from her tongue into his throat. It was better this way. He would not suffer the humiliation of being branded an alien-lover. His death was quick and painless. She buried him behind his house. But she didn’t know they were being watched. And she was caught. Another cough! The rope tightened. The man in black stepped back to the edge of the platform and the hangman reached over for the lever that would open the door. Jenny closed her eyes. The last tear she would ever shed trailed down her cheek. Another cough! |
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Silkdragon Member
since 2000-06-24
Posts 65 |
DeVine: This was an excellent story! I liked it very much, and will look forward to reading more of your prose. I'm a little curious, though, as to the reason for the coughing. Was it just a way to show the disjointed state of her mind, the way she focused on one detail? Thirty seconds apart, though. I'd love to hear an explanation!  Great story! Very sad, though... I like the point you make. Erin |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Sharon, what a sad love story! I love how you made Jenny seem like a human until you reveil that she is an alien. Wonderful writing, my friend. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Excellent. . . the alien angle threw me when it was introduced. . . I liked it. . . the idea of that forbidden love. . . I can see where she would focus on that one idea, the sound of coughing. . . and her sudden need for water. . . so that she too would not cough. . . that she would not hear the sounds of her own coughing as she heard theirs. And that she would not show herself to be like them. . . Well done. . . -------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Another incredible tale you've woven for us, oh devine one! I wanna know more! I want to know why she came, the details of the affair, why why why! I'm curious! But I really enjoyed what you had written here. I did find the coughing thing a little distracting, did you do this for repetition in the English forum? Other than that, this was great, again, I want more! LOL  Abrahm Simons "Keep on dreamin' boy 'cause when you stop dreaming it's time to die" - Blind Melon |
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Night_Myst Junior Member
since 2000-08-16
Posts 34River Falls, WI |
I really enjoyed reading this. I too, like the others, am curious about the coughing. It is a little distracting, but it adds an interesting, mysterious element to the piece. I love how it is only revealed at the end that she is an alien, but more so, I like the fact that "alien" has a few different interpretations. I don't know if that was the effect you were going for, but I liked it. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Well, O deVine One, you have penned another excellent short story.... nothing wrong in the entire story there except *cough* - felt there were just too many in there as all other had felt too... but I feel if the other paragraphs are expanded to come up with vividity of emotions and more details as Abrahm suggests, and a few of the coughs be done with...  things would have a more resounding effect... Or maybe try several forms of coughing... gasping cough, exasperated cough, muffled cough, faintly cough, hoarse cough etc... better still use them in italics, so the reader gets the impression that this is for the sound effects ... well, does this mean, I would like to see this in dramatized form... Ah, that would be lovely, I am sure... care to take that up? Would be wonderful, I am sure... Thanks for hearing me out... regards, sudhir |
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sonjes Senior Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 564North Carolina |
Before reading other's replies, I kept remembering the story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" where, when death is imminent, your senses become extremely acute. I kept thinking the coughing was an interesting literary tool in that sense. Then, I read Sven's reply, and that made more than perfect sense. Either way, I found it an interesting tale and Jenny likeable. Which, I personally think that it is difficult to really get a feel for a main character in a short story. So, good job and great write! Don't care what people say Just follow your own way Don't give up and use the chance To return to innocence. -Enigma |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well now Ms. D - Agreed: Another tale flows from your pen. I loved the idea behind this vignette... feeling that there should perhaps be a bit moe. Also, with Sudhir, I felt the coughing (though I understand the reasoning for it) was a bit too much... But the idea! Love it! Felt sad for the woman, and wanted to shut the old lady up myself!  |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
ditto with the others..i felt the coughing was a little bit distracting but then you had me rooting for Jenny..i kept hoping that jenny would have a miraculous escape... i liked the alien angle too..makes me wonder just what interpretation of angel i should adopt...thank u for a fine read |
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One Who Understands Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 251Cedar Rapids, Iowa |
Wonderful story. I thought it was great how you used a woman shedding a last tear. What a delicate touch |
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fjones Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 98MS |
I enjoyed this story. You have written a prose that each can make of it what they wish. My interpatation is very different than the others. She killed her lover; was the caugh her doing? But she is angered by the old woman's caugh so I guess not, would be an interesting angle. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
this is touching! Kathleen |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
I can't believe I didn't reply to this! I read it ages ago and I guess I just ran out of time to reply. But, for what it's worth...I loved every minute of it...very interesting...the whole cough thing.... |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
The scarlett letter and science fiction - beautifully woven into a short story - - great piece of writing Sharon - if this is part of a larger piece - I'd love to read it all |
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Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
this was great i thoroughly enjoyed it "In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It Goes On" ~Robert Frost |
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
Hmm...Aliens? hehe, nevermind, This is creepy, we're reading the Scarlet Letter right now in...*shudder* English. Well, i'll give you this over Hawthorne, you're sure alot more entertaining..., i didn't fall alseep once while reading yours... lallalalalalallalala....Hester...lalala...letters....haaha... Spreading insanity, one post at a time "Way back in eighty-seven, where we bust rockstands till we get to heaven" |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Hi Sharon...A wonderful story...and I fond the coughing to be something that tied it together...if she could kill her lover so easily...she should be able to make a cough, no problem...I just want to know if they kept on coughing...anyway...really enjoyed this well written and interesting story! |
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