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Victorious Night (??? title unsure of)... a long story being worked on... part 1
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Victorious Night (??? title unsure of)... a long story being worked on... part 1
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Victorious Night (??? title unsure of)... a long story being worked on... part 1 |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
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My friends, I am writing a mid-length story... not completely decided on how long this should be, but will be larger than a short story... But here is part 1. I would like all kinds of criticisms - good and bad - PLEASE... This is going to be a gift to one of my friends... I really appreciate your help... Thanks in advance for your time and efforts _______________________________ Winter airs send chills down the spine. Frosty gale struck its clawed hands and all one could see was white frothy snow all around. My knuckles were already bloodless, whitened by the coldness. I pulled myself into a sweater, and wore a jacket over it and covered my stiffening fingers with warming gloves. Three large gulps of extra strong Doctor's brandy could not help in getting away from the exaggerated frigidity on this particular evening of one of the coldest of winters I had ever seen in the last thirty years of my life. I wondered how the dogs on the street were doing. What they were drinking and eating to survive? "Dogs in the heat", that appeared to be the most inept words then with the mercury showing a temperature of 15° in the Celsius below freezing. It seemed quite foolish to think that some dog-lover would stitch them winter wear from the rugs that helped us keep our bottoms warm. After all there was no electricity and it had been that way since three weeks. I was making all the wrong connections - electric heating, dogs, heat, rugs et al. Perhaps, the alcohol was taking sanity away or was it what was happening around that was stretching my imagination? It was getting late. The time was about six in the evening. The sun disappears at the speed of lightning on such wintry days. As if running away from the coldness of the winter. As if fearing that the snow would freeze the embers of warmth from within his soul. Evening twilight almost never exists for the winter sun sets in a matter of minutes, and the landscape turns from faint golden to dark bluish and then finally pitch-black. Soon the night would set in. Take me away to the land of the sun, Take me away from this wintered run, Lend me the warmed grace of the sun, From night towards day I want to run! But like each of the last twenty nights, this wasn't going to be a dark night. No, not illuminated by the billions of glow-lights of the sky. There won't be any diamond-studded blanket or a silken canopy to be seen. No, there would be no stars, but numerous man-made crackers exploding will illuminate the sky. A grand firework display, seeking to destroy everything in its range. Someone, a thousand miles away, would be delighted at the fireworks but that’s the happy man in the neighbouring country. This was not a celebration of life. This was a celebration of death. A wasted death of my motherland's most favoured sons and daughters, being killed at the hands of ruffians from across the borders. The very brats who clap their hands in unison upon hearing the news that another ten men from their neighbouring country had been killed, fifty defaced, twenty women desecrated and scores of children left homeless, fatherless, motherless, loveless in bloodied tears. Yes, the skies will be lighted by the light emanating from the funeral pyres of the burning bodies of the dead. Clouds of the fires added to the clouds from the hundreds of bombs dropped in the numerous towns and villages surrounding the border. A mixture of oxides of sulphur, carbon, phosphorous with rotting carcasses will stifle breathing and the heat of the death will provide ill-gotten warmth. Who needs electricity anyway? Enough tears had been shed. A tear per drop of blood was the going ratio, of the inhuman trade, early in the war. Now, the tears refused to be traded anymore. They just didn't come. All that came out was rage, an uncontrollable anger. A disgust at the former friends - now turned sworn enemies. A feeling of hatred against the world for just being a silent spectator and not doing anything useful except have hundreds of daily discussions; meanwhile enjoying the company of central heating, fine wine, and good food with good music to keep delegates in good humour. How much more pathetic could the world get? How many more garbs could the politicians wear? How many masks would they adorn? Masks, I had heard strong rumours that the enemies were using chemical weapons and all of their soldiers came wearing a red gas mask, red signifying death for their enemies, us. There were stories that even if the world body intervened, they could never stand a chance in the world court, because none of the attackers could have been recognised. Distrust had spread to such an alarming stage that a small rumour of one night became a true story of tomorrow. Yet, this corner of the town was dark. No blasts, no electricity, only cold winter winds howling in our ears, little ones dying not at hands of the enemy guns, but by forces of nature herself. But the enveloping clouds of distrust and a guilt-filled war had made the nights more than dark. But the war hadn't reached this part of what used to be a grand peaceful town. ......... |
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| © Copyright 2000 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
Very good imagery...you make me soooo Jealous! I'll get better at it though...Excellent start! can't wait to read the rest!  ) |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
keep it coming very good read, only seen that recognize was mis-spelled, other than that perfection. I really am quite enjoying it. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
lavada Thanks for the time... and for the words of praise...  Rosebud Thank you too... I am glad that you enjoyed it... part 2 is ready, will post it today... only one thing though, I think recognise is correct (British English)... Thanks again  regards, sudhir |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Yeah I used to make that mistake... Until I got busted on it! (HOW in the world can you think "kurb" looks right???)  Cool Sudhir, on my way to the second piece. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Thanks Chris.... kurb ??? whadzat??? regards, sudhir |
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Victorious Night (??? title unsure of)... a long story being worked on... part 1
