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A boat ride on lake mysterious
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A boat ride on lake mysterious |
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas 
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The lakes stretched out before me like a cellophane wrapper glistening in the sun. As my mind picked up the rhythm and hummed in tune with the boat motor; I became lost in the buzz of memories emblazoned in my mind. Images spun through me like a merry-go-round. Laughter echoed off the water and lingered in the air as I jumped from memory to memory enjoying the ride. I felt a myriad of emotions as the merry-go-round seemingly changed into a roller coaster in an instant. The sun went behind the clouds and the hum of the motor turned to sobs of heartbreak and grief. Mistakes came knocking at my mind's door. I silently let them in, and instead of becoming upset I found myself somehow comforted by their visit. The sun once more appeared from behind the clouds, and the water seemed to whisper of great mysteries held beneath her sparkling depth. I turned off the boat motor, in awe of the beauty I was seeing. Unconsciously, I stood and dove into the water, in search of answers. Instead I was met with a soothing calm unlike I have ever experienced before. The water and I were one … the calm penetrated ever sense of my being. I could feel those memories that were haunting me earlier slowly slip from me. I could almost hear them land at the bottom of the lake, with a mental thud. Still moving as if in a dream, I climbed back into the boat and turned on the motor. I began to turn the boat back towards the shore, leaving the past behind once and for all. The boat motor began to whisper promises of the future. I turned and looked back at the shimmering lake one more time. I lifted my hand as if in salute, and turned back ahead smiling. Whatever the future held for me, I was now ready- thanks to the mysteries that will remain forever a part of the lake. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Shan Crider - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
StarrGazer, This gave me a most wonderful read... Thanks... A few things I happened to note though, I hope you don't mind... I stood and dove into the water could be better as "I got up and dove into the water"... stood and dove seem to be separate events, this can be tightened by the "got up and dove" to make it a singular action, I feel... unlike I have ever experienced before. Tense change seen "had" instead of "have" would suit better... I climbed back into the boat and turned on the motor. could be better "as turned the motor on" or "switched the motor on", the word turn is used quite a number of times, which some might not find intersting... Let me repeat that this was a very nicely put description of the time spent... I enjoyed it muchly. Now if you could only expand it and explain the myriad of emotions you felt... that would be absolute pleasure to read... Thanks for hearing me out, regards, Sudhir |
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
Sudhir, Thanks for your comments... this was kind of a doodle during a phone conference for work (hehe as long as they think I'm listening...) and I'm not exactly sure where I was going with it. It seems to be missing something, maybe the description of " a myriad of emotions" as you suggested. Thanks for pointing out the "had" "have" tense thing I always find myself mixing tenses!! And... I love advice on how to make my writing better thanks for commenting! Now if only I could find that missing string of words that I know is out there and belongs in this!  Have a Great Day!!! Shan |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Not too bad for a "doodle!" LOL |
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