»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
And the silence was broken (a continuation)
| Passions in Prose |
|
And the silence was broken (a continuation) |
|
|
Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada 
|
**THIS IS A CONTINUATION TO "SILENCE", I SUGGEST IF YOU HAVE THE TIME TO READ IT FIRST AND THIS WILL MAKE A LOT MORE SENSE... THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND RESPONDING IF YOU DO** We had shared so much silence, not only after our break-up but even while we had been together. Communication had never been a huge thing between us, mainly because we never really had much to discuss because things were generally okay. While we had been together we had always been comfortable in the silence, we never felt the need to talk just to kill the dead air. But now, sitting in that living room, with his hand holding mine, and tears falling from both our eyes, the silence was different. It wasn't like it had always been, it was almost as through even though it was absolutely silent it was so loud. The thoughts running through my head were practically screaming at me, and I felt he was going through the same thing. I was so scared of what was going to become of my life. I still had two years of university left and he had some school left too. Neither one of us had good paying jobs, and neither one of us wanted to give up school. We had both been raised in Catholic households and knew our parents wouldn't take this news very well. But more than all that, I was so afraid I would be left to deal with this by myself, that he would get spooked and leave me alone to pick up the peices of our mutual mistake. "Are you okay?" He finally asked me. I didn't really know what to answer. Because I was okay physically, but I wasn't mentally. "I have never been so scared in my life" Was the response I gave him. And I hadn't. "Me too..." And he paused for a while. I knew there was more he wanted to say, and he was trying hard to find the words to say it... Finally he spoke again. "I just want you to know that I'll support any decision you make, and you won't have to do this alone. I promise you that. But I think since it is mine I should tell you that I don't think you should have an abortion. However if you decide that's what you want to do I will be there for you." I couldn't help but smile. I had never known him to promise anyone anything and then break it. I felt a sense of relief, not only because he had said he'd be there, but also because I didn't want to feel pressured into having to have an abortion when I didn't know if I could go through with it. "That means a lot to me that you will support me. And I don't think I could go through with having an abortion anyway, so I'm glad you're not going to push for that" He smiled at me. God how I had missed that smile. I had missed him so much. Why did it have to be something so unfortunate that brought us back to being able to sit and talk again? Why couldn't we have found a way back together without this. "So with all that said, what should we do?" He asked. I could tell he was trying so hard to be supportive and not pressure me into anything. "Well our choices that are left are to keep the baby, or to give it up. I don't know what to do." I was trying to be rational, I really was with every ounce of my very being but I found myself unable to stop crying. This baby was created in love. We had loved each other very much, but the timing wasn't good, and we didn't even know if we could be friends, let alone parents together. "Can we do this? Can we spend the next seven months getting ready for this? Can we get along?" I asked him. The tears were streaming down my face now. I felt like I had cried more in the last little while then I ever had in my life. "You know, I did love you. I know I had a hard time saying it most of the time, but I did. And I know I hurt you when we broke up, and for that I'm sorry. I think you should know something. I broke up with you, not because I didn't love you anymore, but because I loved you so much it scared me. I have never been so scared in my life. Until now." "I loved you too... so much... I still do." I said to him, trying to fight back the tears. He reached out and grabbed me. Holding on as if he was never going to let go. "We can work through this, I promise you everything is going to be ok. I don't think we should decide right to do right now. I think we should just wait till it all sinks in" I agreed with him. Neither one of was ready to make a decision that was oging to alter our lives right at this moment. The next two weeks were very hard on both of us. We spent a lot of time together, mainly talking about what to do. At the end of the two weeks he told me that he still loved me, and that he thought maybe we should try to get back together. I asked him if he was only doing this because of the baby. His response was that he was doing this because he realized how much he liked being with me, talking with me and spending time with me. We got back together. We made a decision. We were going to keep the baby. He was finished school at Christmas time and the baby was due in January. He was going to come live with me at school and we were going to do this together. We hadn't told our parents or our friends yet. Everyone thought we had just gotten back together out of chance, no one asked how it happened. I thought some of our friends probably suspected, and his dad thought something unusual was going on after he walked in on both of us crying one day. But no one asked. Four days later I was in a car with his best friend. He had picked me up from work and we were driving to a party at a friends cottage. My boyfriend was already there. On the way up we got into a car accident. We were both rushed to a local hospital. My friend was ok, he had a broken arm. I however was not in equaly as good shape. I had cuts and bruises, and was drifting in and out of consciousness. I had lost a fair bit of blood, resulting in me miscarrying the baby. My boyfriend came to the hospital as quickly as he could from the cottage. The doctor told him the news. When I gained full consiousness again, he sat with me, waiting for my parents to come. And we cried. I was amazed at how sad I felt having lost the baby, when only two weeks earlier it was very unwanted. Everyone found out our secret that day. Our parents were relieved that we wouldn't have to deal with this. The fear we once had was no longer there. And the silence was broken.< !signature--> "In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It Goes On" ~Robert Frost [This message has been edited by Martini (edited 08-01-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Stephanie McMillan - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
this was both a good and bad ending. good~~~you and him got back together and decided what yous were gonna do. bad~~~cause you got into a car accident and lost the baby. i am sorry to hear about that. so are you two still together??? i enjoyed it very much!!! ~IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY~SET IT FREE~IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU~ITS YOURS FOREVER~IF IT DOESNT IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH~ |
||
|
Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
losing the baby, as sad as it was, was probably the best way this situation could have been resolved. I don't think either one of us was really ready for what was going to happen between us. Things between us have their ups and downs, we both went through a loss, and we both had a little bit of reality hit home during that time. We are still together, although it is quite different then before. It is a lot less of a sexual relationship than it once was and a lot more comforting. But as of right now things are ok between the two of us. "In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It Goes On" ~Robert Frost |
||
|
EWDrake Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 183NC, USA |
Martini, I feel for your loss~no matter the time frames or the circumstances surrounding the conception, tis still a sad loss. I know from experience. There is much to be said for a relationship that gratifies more than physical needs. I wish you two all the best... Evan |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Thank you very much for not leaving us in the lurch, but what a sad ending, even though good came of it.  |
||
|
Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
Evan thank you for your support and for the response. It was definately a loss, however believing that everything in life happens for a reason, this too did. It brought him and I back together and now we have shared something that we could not have otherwise have done. We learned how to love each other, not only through the good times but also the bad. And although the hurt we felt together won't go away, and the loss will always be there, we have found a new place. And I must say that you are right, our relationship now, having shared a bond is stronger than it ever was with just the physical stuff. Although I think for a relationship to be great it needs all sides. Hopefully one day we will find out how to accomplish that. Christopher: It was very very hard for me to write about this. It was a time in my life where it took a long time to really know how I felt, andhow to express it. It was a sad ending, and a happy ending all bound into one. Thank you so much for reading "In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It Goes On" ~Robert Frost |
||
|
StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
I think any loss of a child is hard, saddening, and too often it drives people farther apart than closer together, I'm glad that was not the case with your situation. Thanks for sharing your story with us, it was written very well, and if you had not divulged the ending, I'm sure we would have been forever wondering... Wishing you all the happiness  Shan |
||
|
Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
Starrgazer Thanks for your response. It had it's time where it began to drive us apart, but we fought a little harder. We realized that we were the only two people who understood how the other felt and we held on to that. We spent a long time just talking, being there for one another. For the first time in our whole relationship we were more like best friends than lovers, and we found that we could go to the other person with anything and everything. He has become the person I turn to for every single thing in myu life, even the stuff that I used to turn to my girlfriends about. Hopefully it will last. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
