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Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada 
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**This is a letter to my ex-boyfriend about how I feel, I never gave it to him because I don't think it'll make anything change. Everyday is the same, the daylight passes and nightfall comes. Everyday for the last three months have been the same, I have spent them trying to remember how to live. How to go on without you, without the life I had grown to want, to love, to adore. I had always said if it ended I would walk away, give it all up, thank god that I had made such great friends through you, but leave because they were your friends, but now I know I can't. How do you walk away from the best time of your life? From some of the greatest friends you have ever made? From the only person you can say that you have ever loved? From someone who when you looked at everything else didn't matter, that person who made you feel like the world, who you could see their faults and you loved them for those as much as their good attributes? How do I walk away from you? When I was with you the whole world stopped, you were my first though every morning and my last thought at night. I could spend hours just lying by your side. Everything you did made my heart flutter, the way you would look at me deeply with those great hazel eyes of yours, the way you had always found that perfect spot to rest on my thigh, the way you would kiss my forehead, how you couldn't keep you hands off me, and how it never bothered me at all. I don't know how to forget you. I don't know how to move on and live without you. It's such a strange situation you and I are in, I'm totally in love with you, but you love someone else, and she has a boyfriend who she won't leave. So that leaves the two of us both with our hearts broken but from different people. Everyday I have to play this game with everyone, of pretending that I'm ok without you, that evey moment my heart isn't breaking a little more not having you by my side. And that I'm not thinking of you constantly, wondering if you're thiking of me. I don't understand what went wrong between us, I don't know how we went from being totally and utterly together to you thinking that it wasn't what you were looking for anymore. And how that can happen so fast. And I don't understand how you can move on, why you get to ahve a life while I'm sitting here wating you back more than wanting life itself. One day I'm sure I'll move passed all this, I'm sure I'll move on, but I'll never forget. And you will always have a piece of my heart. I almost wish I could hate you, that maybe if I was angry with you it would be easier to forget all the great times we had together, that maybe if Icould just hate you for a little while I could finally get over you, but I can't. There is not a single cell in my body that hates you, there isn't even a single cell that is romotely angry with you, every part of me is still totally in love with you, and every minute of loving you is killing me a little more. Tell me how you forgot about what we had so that maybe I can do the same thing. Tell me how to remember how to live again. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Stephanie McMillan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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amazon_lover Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491Dublin,Ireland |
this was a lovely read. when things are not moving the way we thought the best thing would be to rest it for a while. gain strength and then move on. even if u don't get to speak with the person its totally fine. love exists in minds. i'm facing a similar situation but handling it very delicately as i'd never decide until we both take a firm decision. just read what i'm posting here if u like it. sincerely a_l |
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Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
A_L: thanks so much for your reply.... The hardest part of ending a relationship I think is the lost empty feeling you get when you know that other person is still going out with the group of friends you had partied with for so long, and knowing that you would do anything to be there too.... I miss that almost as much as I miss him... |
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&dispose Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 18 |
I was listening to "Dream of Mirrors" off Iron Maiden's new release "Brave New World" while reading this, almost a perfect pathetic fallacy, prompting my thoughts on how to reply to this post. ------------------------------------------ Being in love, especially real love, is like some wonderful dream. However, two people never have the identical dream, and never for the identical length of time. Eventually, all good things must end, but if we are too caught up in the dream, we can't accept the fact that we have woken up. Admittedly, it takes time to recover, but you have to realize that he doesn't love you anymore, so if you spend your time pondering on the past, you'll miss the future. Sure he screwed you over, but he doesn't care, so, all you will be doing is killing yourself if you continue to care about what used to be. Although we only know where we have been, your future is still ahead of you, prepare for it. "You know it's not only madmen who listen to fools." - Iron Maiden &dispose |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Martini, I'm not sure that this actually needs a title, but since you asked..."Tell Me How"  |
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Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
&Dispose; thank you for replying. I agree with everything you said to me. Generally I am the one who's handing out that reational advice to people but it's like now that it's happened to me I don't know how to move on. I know he doesn't love me anymore, and that was/is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to accept. Thanks so much for your insightful words, and i'll try to realize that I have woken from the dream. Jeffrey, thanks so much for replying, I think agree with you though, this one doesn't really need a title. "In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It Goes On" ~Robert Frost |
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
How do you walk away from the best time of your life? From some of the greatest friends you have ever made? From the only person you can say that you have ever loved? ...I think you walk away with a smile on your face, though it is one of the hardest things you'll ever do . Walk away with a smile because you were allowed that feeling for however long it lasted,cry your eyes out later, then slowly start to move on with your life. I don't know I could be wrong but as hard as it is to do it is easier than trying to keep a dream that has already lived its life and died alive Very good writing btw could relate really well |
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Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
Thanks for the reply I did walk away with a smile on my face, well at least no tears, at the time of the breakup.... It was afterwards I realized how hard actually walking away was... The dream the way I knew it had died, but that's ok. I have learned to live again, at least somewhat "In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It Goes On" ~Robert Frost |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Unfortunately every relationship doesn't work out the way we desire...hope some good things have happened for you in the meantime...not that long ago I was able to release a woman that I really cared for and accept the fact that she didn't share my feelings and within a week I met another woman that has now become very important in my life... We have to know when to hold on and when to let go and move on... I would suggest the title "It's Only Memories" ... James |
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Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
thanks for replying. I had almost forgot about this peice, although I haven't forgotten that time in my life. It has been almost two years since I wrote that, and although the memories are still as strong, the feelings and hurt have vanished with time. The person I wrote this for has become a good friend of mine, and although we will never get back to the place that we were before, but we have spent many hours hating one another, many more fighting, a lot of time doing things to hurt the other person, and more recently a lot of time rebuilding a friendship. It is a part of our past, something that we can't change and don't really want to, but we now know it that whether or not it was the right decision to walk away, it was a decision that was made and we both lived through it and were able to move on. [This message has been edited by Martini (05-27-2002 02:39 PM).] |
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