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Echoes in the Darkness
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Echoes in the Darkness |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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©2000 Christopher Ward Another night. From the south blows an aching wind, its humid thrall mirrors my somber mood. The eastern sky sighs at the release of fevered smoldering, while in the west the last ray of brilliance in the world fades behind a stark landscape of shame and degradation. And to the north, nothing save the emerging pale yellow of light which spreads like a cancer over the city, preparing it for another evening of pomp and pride. The grass is brown, the sky, blood. The water burns, children run. Echoes of AC/DC’s “All Night Long,” blasts in my ears from the neighbor’s backyard. Yet the hum of the music slightly heavier than the buzz of the people who are writhing a mimicry of torture in time with the beat. Their loud voices laugh and joy, either ignorant or uncaring of all except the adrenaline brought on by alcohol, dreams and proximity. Screams, screeches, giggles and overbearing conversation. A party, they say. My mind hears chaos, personified beneath the label of desperate human interaction. All night long. Yes, a long night it is too. Long. Forever. Always. Never-ending. A shadow drifts away from hiding, approaching closer and caressing my mood with a dark grin. Its finger crooks, malicious yet alluring, miming the action of me drawing near. ‘Come,’ it beckons. ‘Allow me to enfold your mind within a blanket of emptiness pure. I promise, no pain. I promise, no lies. I promise, nothing.’ I am not swayed. Familiar is the voice of my dark half. It is the side which wakes me in the night, screaming hollow aches. I smile grimly, chasing away this spectre of an unformed past and urging it on to other, riper prey. For I am forced to walk as he, tormented by the pale apparitions which call themselves human. People. Nay, the void my shadow-self offers can never achieve the numbing pain a single night closeted on the planet of humanity dredges from inside the core of my un-beating heart. A sigh. I shall not complain. It is my job, my destiny. I was born to walk these shoes of pain. Born to scribe the ink from the wells of hope issued from every mouth. For how else to power the night, than to crush these hopes as one would a fragile rose? And where else to bleed the light of a single wish for a span covering most of a century? These humans... people, thrive in their misery, some would say they even require it. Who am I to argue? I, who have walked the burnt embers of an entire civilization, drinking deeply of each agonized breath even while grasping at the crisp blossoms of hope appearing in the cracks of each atrophied soul. I shake my head soberly as another voice shrieks through the air, impaling itself upon my frayed nerves. The carmine of my lips pulls back in a grimace, revealing the sharpness of my soul-stealing canines. The grim tilt slowly transforms into a genuine smile as the breeze blows the scent of another hope walking toward me from down the street. I close my eyes and breathe deeply the scent of my next feeding. |
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| © Copyright 2000 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
All I can say is: Wow. This is magnificent writing. You are wasted doing a 'day to day' job. Such a story, dark and forboding and eerily good..I loved it!  |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Chris, this is wonderful. I'm usually not into the spookier stuff, but I love this! You have great talent! (Gosh, now his ego's going to get even BIGGER..)  "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Awesome work Christopher...you kicked tail with this one!! |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
Chris, I just have two words for you! < !signature-->LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT! Ok, Ok, it was two words over and over and over again!  Oh yeah, did I say I love it?  It's the Dark side of me coming out!  ~Sheri [This message has been edited by Irie (edited 07-10-2000).] |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
"For I am forced to walk as he, tormented by the pale apparitions which call themselves human. People." -- That alone was enough to make this a dark, powerful piece...add in the rest of the tale and it's magnificent, Chris. I like catching a glimpse of your darkness...the line I just mentioned reminds me quite a bit of my own feelings....definitely a job well done here, my friend. *Krista Knutson* "We are not seperate from spirit, we are in it." ~Plotinus~ |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
You have taken a moment, a snapshot, and written it in 3D, m'friend. "Nay, the void my shadow-self offers can never achieve the numbing pain a single night closeted on the planet of humanity dredges from inside the core of my un-beating heart." Nice! -and- "crisp blossoms of hope" wow, what an image! BOL N. |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Well Chris...you've intrigued me, to say the least..he he This writing scheme you have going would make a great sequel!!(knowing you, you're already working on it) Keep with this darker side dear..me likes alot!!! Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Ah, I love this Chris, the dark, cynical narrator shows a black view that I can understand and relate to, but is also very foreign. I also loved this particular line.. "A party, they say. My mind hears chaos, personified beneath the label of desperate human interaction." Ahh.. seems all too true. Loved this much Chris, it does indeed seem like the opening page of a vampiric chronicle! Abrahm Simons "Keep on dreamin' boy 'cause when you stop dreaming it's time to die" - Blind Melon |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Scary thing to meet ourselves. Hmmm. Looking forward to the next feeding--I mean reading, that is...heh, heh... |
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Christopher, I thought this was just great. The epiphanistic insight, the images, the flow of the words. I can feel the ideas and emotions you present clearly through this story. -Tim |
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toes21 Junior Member
since 2000-07-09
Posts 24 |
Well said and done, a pleasure to have read your poem. |
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AVANTI Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 664INDIA/MAHARASHTRA/PUNE |
christopher That was beuatifully written simpy awesome If all was light...then I would have never learnt the dark...from which such truth evolves from which evolves the light... Avanti Rao |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Thank you all for replying to this dark vignette! No, I hadn't intended it to be a full story... but as with much that I write, in retrospect, I can see many ways this could be fleshed out into a full-blown tale! Who knows, I may add it to my ever growing list of "stories to write!" Peace all, Chris |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Hi Chris ... sorry it took me so long to get to this my friend. "And to the north, nothing save the emerging pale yellow of light which spreads like a cancer over the city ..." I think that here, it is necessary to specify that the light emerging is artificial -- "pale yellow light" could be dawn as well ... "The grass is brown, the sky, blood." Should be a semicolon after brown, here, to separate the two images. "The water burns, children run." Liked the "previous" version of this much better, m'friend -- disconnected from the "sky of blood," this really loses its power. Besides, the two disconnected sentences so closely together give it a disjointed feel. "Yet the hum of the music slightly heavier ..." Did you mean to say "was" slightly heavier..?  "Their loud voices laugh and joy ..." The use of "joy" as a verb is a bit much, I think ... "Yes, a long night it is too. Long. Forever. Always. Never-ending." OK -- we get the point already -- why not throw in "eternal, evermore, and for a really freakin' long time" too?? Sheesh! I think you could have drawn the line with "forever," IMHO"It is my job, my destiny ..." What is? Walking the shoes of pain? Is he a shoe salesman?? Methinks "job" is a bad choice of words ... makes me think of tax returns and forty-hour work weeks ... and last I heard, there was no Creatures of the Night union ... LOL "to crush these hopes as one would a fragile rose" Yawn -- been there, used that. Give the poor roses a break, willya -- think of some other hapless inanimate object to pick on! "These humans... people, thrive in their misery" Personally, if you intended the inflection on this to be the way I read it, the punctuation should be: These humans -- people -- thrive in their misery; some would say they even require it. "The carmine of my lips pulls back in a grimace, revealing the sharpness of my soul-stealing canines." MY lips, MY canines ... it's always "me, me, me" with you, isn't it...? Perhaps you might consider dropping the second "my" -- they are in his mouth, who else's canines would they be..?Otherwise, this rocks, my friend. A note to anyone who might wonder why I seem to be picking on poor Christopher: Trust me, he LIKES it ... and besides, he asked for it too! Peace --Me YOUR LIFE IS A TEST It is only a test ... If this were your Actual Life, you would have been given better instructions! |
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