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Going Home
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Going Home |
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DJLI Member
since 2000-06-21
Posts 237TN, USA |
-go easy on me, I'm kinda new at this.- The wind calmly stirred the wild grass that grew upon the gently rolling hills of the countryside. Encased on three sides by dence brush, and on the fourth by a long seldom used country road, the large empty field was tucked safely away from human contact. The soft, silvery light of the full moon spread smoothly over the field. Sitting motionless in the feild, a young girl looked out, into the heavens, almost completely immersed by the tall grass. Tears steamed down her face, and hit noiselessly, upon the soft earth. She gazed at the stars, seemingly seeking out answers to unasked questions. The wind gently tossed her hair around her head. "Are you ready?" a strong voice asked from behind. She hadn't even heard his approach. Quickly wiping the tears from her eyes, and clearing her throat, to hide the fear in her voice, she stood and turned to him. "As ready as I'll ever be." she said with a sad attempt of a smile. "I'm scared, too." he said trying to comfort her. It did little good. The two sat down, facing each other, and grasped hands tightly. THey both took in deep breaths to try and calm themselves, and began their chanting. The stars began to shine brighter, and the wind began to howlas it blew faster. Fallen leaves and grass stalkes began to fly quickly through the air. Sweat glistened on their foreheads, and was carried off by the wind as it fell from their faces. Their chant grew faster, more desperate, and their fingers began to ache from grasping the others so tightly. An energy, dormant for countless ages, began to fill the air around them. Its power sent shockwaves across the countryside. A flash of light, almost to quick for the human eye to see, swept across the field. As it faded, so did the energy. The wind calmed, returning to its original pace. The leaves began to fall back to the ground, and the stars dimmed to their usual brightness. As before, the light of the full moon blanketed the empty rolling hills. --- Standing high upon a cliff overlooking their homeland, the two stood, still holding hands. They looked to each other, then out to their home. They couldn't speak. Tears of joy flowed from both their eyes. They were finally home. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Lisa Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Hi, I'm not really good at this but I think you should add a more complete ending to this story  As far as the writing is concerned.... I see nothing at all wrong with it, to be honest I thought it was wonderful All my love, Jeffrey |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
I agree with Jeffrey. This seems to me to be a preface to a more elaborate story. They see they are home ... what do they find when they return home? Is it everything they expected? Is everything really "happily ever after" or is there something sinister lurking behind the scenes? What you have written is well done. I think you may have gone a hair heavy on a few of the adjectives and there are a few minor typos that should be fixed (nothing a good spell checker/grammar checker shouldn't be able to catch). Nice work so far. I can't wait to read the rest of the story. Jim |
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DJLI Member
since 2000-06-21
Posts 237TN, USA |
thanx for the comments, and tips. i wanted to put this in first to see how i could improve to do the ending. it might be a couple days till i have it done but, i'm trying thanx agian.- if you don't like the message, don't kill the messenger.- |
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