»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
Becoming a Woman" - My first attempt at prose!
| Passions in Prose |
|
Becoming a Woman" - My first attempt at prose! |
|
|
lorilockheart Member
since 2000-05-06
Posts 206Alabama |
This is my first attempt at prose, so I really have no idea what I'm doing. Suggestions and advice are welcome! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Becoming a Woman" By Lori LockHeart I was young when I met him. I was on that precious border of woman/child, but of course felt much older than that. I especially did not think that I was a child, and the happening on that summer day made me feel even more so like the woman I longed to be. What I did not know, however, was that that day would be with me for the rest of my life and would be something I would remember as a woman when I looked back on my life and all of the important moments. He too, was young himself, though he seemed much older. I was struggling beneath the barriers of small town life and protective parents, not to mention the confusion that the teenage years bring. Even back then he had a car - a sporty, candy-apple red, used car. It could be seen often parked at my grandparents’ house, because he was helping out on my grandfather’s farm for some extra money. He was also one of the best-looking guys I had ever seen and was the quarterback at his school, which was only several miles from mine. He was, then, as tall as he is now, over 6 feet. So, as you can imagine, all of that was pretty attractive for this small town girl with the sheltered life. That day was a little out of the ordinary for a typical summer day. My cousin was visiting from out of town and had been staying with us half of the time and with our grandparents the other half. She was always so exotic to me. She had the most typically admired blond hair, dark skin, and blue eyes. She also had had a different childhood than me, with her father being married three times. This instability had only led to more, and she went back and forth between her mother and her father. Either place she was, there was never much parental guidance, and she had the freedom that I always thought I wanted. She was also so extremely vivacious and energetic that one couldn’t help but be drawn to her. I, on the other hand, was more down-to-earth and definitely not showy. With me, what you see is what you get, even at that age. I had just blossomed into an attractive girl. I didn’t think I was necessarily pretty, but I felt ok about myself. My confidence was not at a high because I was always longing to be like somebody else and have somebody else’s life. My cousin had met him before me, while staying with our grandparents. She had told me about him as we were getting ready to leave my house to go over there. He was going to be there, so she had to look her best. “He’s the quarterback,” she said spraying her hair. “And you just would not believe how good-looking he is. He’s so fun to be around. I think you’ll like him too.” she added, spraying more gunk in her hair. She smeared a ton of red gloss on her lips, fluffed her hair, and turned to look at herself sideways in the mirror. I wasn’t really thinking about him, I was more interested in how pretty she looked, and her whole process of achieving it. What’s ironic though, is that she didn’t know how right she was. I would like him too, from that day forward for a long, long time. As we left I glanced in the mirror one more time myself. I wanted to look nice too, but I didn’t think my dark, almost black hair was as pretty as hers, and my light, almost clear blue eyes seemed pale in comparison to hers. Even my olive-toned, bronzed skin seemed washed out standing next to her. Someone yelled at me from outside, and I quickly turned from the unattractive girl standing in front of me. I first saw him as I was walking up the stairs into my grandparents’ living room. He was sitting in a swivel chair, moving it side to side only a little. I don’t know what my cousin did when we came in. All I can remember is the way that he was looking at me. And I knew that he was looking at me and not her, because what I was feeling inside was definitely not a mistake. At that one moment I know I felt as much like a woman as I have at any time since I became one. It was a bond. I knew it at that moment, just as surely as I know it now. And I was soon to find out how that bond would change me. As quickly as it had been formed, it changed me forever. It amazingly happened in just one look. I could see it in his eyes, reflecting back at me. Never in my life has anyone ever looked at me so intensely as he did in that moment. That’s the only way I know how to describe it. The intensity was so strong. I wanted to smile, laugh, cry, and faint all at the same time. And every time after that, every eternity that he looked in my eyes from that day on, was with the same intensity as the very first look. Even if we had never spoken a word, I would have been changed forever. The look had given me what I had needed and longed for in my life. I no longer wanted to look like anybody else. I no longer wanted to be like anybody else. I no longer wanted to have any life other than my own. Because if I did, then I wouldn’t be the object of this intensity, this mesmerizing, heart-piercing bond that came from his eyes. We never broke our trance. It was broken by introductions and idle conversation. After dinner, the three of us, he, my cousin, and I went to the back yard to the swings in the trees. We could not stop looking at each other. It didn’t take my cousin long to see the looks that were passing between us. She eventually got angry and went back to the house. I don’t remember what we talked about. I just remember that we stared at each other constantly. I guess we talked about ourselves, each becoming familiar with the other, though I already felt that he had gotten to know me in that first look. I knew then that he had changed me, and that my life would be different. I knew then that I would always remember that day as long as I lived. I knew then that he would always be a part of my life, in one way or another. And I know now those things are still true. It was the same way between us for years after that. Our lives seemed to be intertwined, held together by the intensity of that bond that neither one of could explain, and still can’t explain to this day. We led our lives, separately, yet together. I know that it doesn’t make much sense, but it was that way. After that day, we dated on and off. Being so young, it was hard to see each other, and we never pushed it. It was as though we didn’t feel the need to. As more time went by and we got older, I dated others on a long-term basis and so did he. But every time that we were around each other, there was never anybody else. We were friends, yet there was always something more, even when he or I was dating someone else. After high school, we went to the same college. I felt the intensity there every day. We could be sitting across the room from each other and I could tell the minute that he began to look at me. Others noticed what was between us and wondered why we weren’t together. One day he gave me a tape that he wanted me to hear. He made me promise not to look at it, just put it in the tape player. When the music began, I know my heart stopped. “I Will Always Love You” came from my car speakers. That’s just one of the songs that remind me of him to this day. Even as more time went by, we remained close, though we didn’t see each other as often. Eventually, I met someone who I fell in love with deeply and married. He did the same. I haven’t seen him for quite some time now. He crosses my mind from time to time, usually when I hear an old song or think back on my teenage years. After I met him, I thought for some time that he would be the one I would marry, because of the strong feelings between us. I even asked myself why we felt that way about each other for so long and nothing ever came of it. But I think I know now. I needed what he gave me. I needed it at that time and for the rest of my life. After I met him I had confidence that I had never had before. That confidence shaped me into the person that I am today, and I don’t know what I would have done in my life without it. That day has been with me, in my mind, heart, and soul forever. And I know it will always be, even when I am a very old woman. There are some feelings and events in a woman’s life that she can never forget and never share, even with those closest to her. This is one of them. This one day, and all of the others that I spent with him, enabled me to become a woman - a passionate, fiery, and strong-willed woman. Even though we do really have separate lives now, I still feel a bond with him. And when I see him from time to time, inside I still want to smile, laugh, cry, and faint all at the same time. No matter what happens, our bond will be there. It’s a wonderful, comforting feeling to know that I will always feel that intensity when we meet. It’s a reminder of my youth and a reminder of becoming a woman. It was a momentous day in my life. Relishing in my youth, becoming a woman, and forming a bond that will last a lifetime and an eternity through these words. < !signature--> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean. Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance - I hope you dance. song by LeeAnn Womack ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [This message has been edited by lorilockheart (edited 05-20-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 lorilockheart - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
WolfsMate Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 121New York |
An excellent story. Enjoyed this much. As to suggestion, I know so little myself I could be of no help.  "You never have to worry...Never fear for I am near" |
||
|
Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Interesting story, you've penned here. The bond you spoke of, one of friendship and maybe of souls, but never moving to physically loving, was something I never heard of. You put your thoughts to paper quite nicely and your grammar and spelling seem to be pretty well on. Great writing, I'll be interested to see what else you'll contribute Abrahm Simons "You... You are so special You have the talent To make me feel like Dirt" - Alice in Chains, "Dirt" |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Lori... I dont know where you live but I could walk to you on my lips on glass to kiss ya for this one (LOL) WOW...you cant really expect me to believe you've not done this before. GIRL this is fabulous. As you know Im just trying to learn prose too, so I can not offer technical comment, but I can tell you... you NAILED the emotional part of it. I felt you and the intensity between him in those first moments. and you used some suberb anologies and comparisons. Your characters were well defined, especially you and your cousin...I would have maybe liked more of his personality... and maybe a bit more about when you and him dated and were an actual couple in the begining. But I realise we have to stop somewhere for length purposes. anyway, this is excellent writing. I realted to every word and emotion (that wont surprise you right)  I say you need to keep writing like this, prose becomes you my friend. you shined in this piece. later-lori-gator. jm Some things cannot be explained by verses that rhyme, They are not measured by the commitment of time. Some emotions run too deep to be described by words, Forgiveness and understanding-remain the most beautiful words ever heard. ~Janet Marie~ "What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly" ~Lao Tze Tao~ |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Lori, I haven't the time at my bequest to read this thoroughly. So I did a quick peep into the story line and the style. This appears to be a great start to your prosetic career. The fundamentals are nicely build upon. But to give any serious advice or critiques, you will have to give me some time. Is that fine with you? WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF PROSE AND NARRATIONS... Regards, sudhir. Life is like a painting, That in an art gallery is left hanging, Though many come just to look at it, A very few actually come to enjoy it. |
||
|
Ardonida Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 76 |
hi there, this is so nice. something that made me think... oy! A. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
