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Challenge ~ Influential Time~
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Challenge ~ Influential Time~ |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
(the most influential time in my life) I would not be where I am today, poetically speaking, if I was still married. I am as sure of that as I am of anything. Therefore, the most influential time in my life was the beginning of the end of my marriage and the beginning of the beginning of my life of independence. Ten years before my divorce, I got pregnant. It was our third child and an unplanned surprise. At first, I was hesitant. Did I really want this baby? Things were strained in our relationship and I wasn’t sure that adding a baby to the mix was the right idea. We had two children, ages eight and six. From the first, I was ill. I got vertigo so bad in the first six weeks that I had to go to the emergency room for medication. I lay vomiting and reeling for 48 hours…..at that time, I wished I was dead! By the time I was three months pregnant I was overjoyed! I sewed little nighties and had purchased a lot of material to make a quilt. It was at this time that I again got ill. But this was more serious. This time there was cramping and bleeding. My husband took me to the emergency room and they treated me with medication to stop the bleeding. The doctor said if there was more that I should come back and they would see if I was miscarrying. At the time, my husband worked nights driving a cab. He had to go to work (it was Saturday night the busiest night of the week), so he left me home with my two small children. I wanted this baby so badly now that I lay in bed for hours that night, not moving a muscle, afraid that if I did I would lose her (I was convinced she was a girl). About midnight, I had to go to the bathroom so I got up carefully and hobbled down the hall. When I sat down, I immediately felt myself hemorrhaging. Carefully, I moved back to bed and called my husband on the phone. I left a message with the dispatcher that it was an emergency. Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang. I told him what was going on, I was in tears by now, and that I needed to go to the hospital. He told me he had just gotten a good call and the trip would net about forty dollars with a good tip thrown in. He said he would call the dispatcher and ask one of his fellow cab drivers to come to the house, pick me and the kids up, take us to the emergency room and be there in a few hours when the trip was done. Stunned I just lay there with the phone to my ear. I was not an assertive person. Born in an age when a wife let her husband make the decisions, I wavered between acceptance of having a stranger drive me (in my intimate condition) and anger that my husband didn’t feel the impending sense of loss that I was feeling! I heard a voice, in the background on phone, tell my husband that they would find someone else to do the trip, he could go take his wife to the hospital. He then told me he would be right home. And he did. We bundled the kids into the car and drove to the hospital. I had a miscarriage after six hours of painful contractions. A few days later, I folded up the tiny nightgowns I had sewn for the baby and put them away. As I did it, I also folded up my heart. And put it in a place where it would never be hurt or disappointed again. This was the beginning of the end. Things were never the same. I guess I couldn’t forgive or forget. I felt guilt, anger, pain and most of all an emptiness that was never again filled. It took another 10 years before I got the courage to leave. And it was the beginning of the beginning! End note: my ex husband passed away four years ago. I unfolded the baby clothes many years ago and gave them to charity. My heart is still folded up, carefully tucked away. [This message has been edited by Poet deVine (edited 05-17-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DestinysCharm Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 90 |
This is so sad, I think I would have died in your situation. Great writing I'm sure it was hard to put this one together. |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Sharon - nothing like discovering that you were not getting out of life what you deserved. Am sorry about the loss of the baby -----many people do not understand about that baby in the womb - is just as if it had lived and died (sob) So glad that you are writing and independent. Makes life so much more worth living -- Sad story and well written. netswan |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
*Wipes away tears* So sad Sharon... I really don't know what to say... This touched me with its sorrow... Abrahm Simons "You... You are so special You have the talent To make me feel like Dirt" - Alice in Chains, "Dirt" |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Christopher challenged me to write something that would reveal some bit about my life... this is it...I'm sorry if it makes you sad, it hurt at the time, and sometimes I feel that pain again. It is a part of who I am today.... I believe in fate. This incident was meant to be..it gave me the courage to grow independent, to seek in my heart and soul for the 'real me'... |
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MagnoliaBlue Member
since 2000-05-12
Posts 367 |
***PvD wrote~~This incident was meant to be..it gave me the courage to grow independent, to seek in my heart and soul for the 'real me'...I unfolded the baby clothes many years ago and gave them to charity. My heart is still folded up, carefully tucked away.*** PdV... Sorry about your baby.Really sad! Sorry you were married to an ass****! Some friendly advice girl ... If your heart is still folded up and tucked away...You cannot "seek in your heart and soul for the real you". Remember the baby with smiles and love and let it (her) set your heart free... only then can you be the REAL YOU!! I didn't lose a baby...but I did that with my heart once... it is awful hard to tear down walls that you have built yourself. Let it go, PvD...you have a beautiful heart and spirit! Your words are coming out, now let the music in !! MagnoliaBlue |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Sharon, once again, you've reached from the depths of your poetic heart and both blessed and grieved my heart. You've so much in your heart to share and I feel honored when you do. Thank you for a wonderful, insightful and heart-breaking piece. But most of all, thank you for being an incredible person. I'm proud to call you my friend. (And Sharon, that heart isn't as wrapped up as you might think. I see it's light shining out all the time.)  |
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WolfsMate Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 121New York |
What a terrible experience to have to go through. {{{HUGS}}} "You never have to worry...Never fear for I am near" |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Poet D, this touched me deeply and taught me much about you and the kind, strong woman you are. Thought the story was sad, it was a pleasure to read and experience your writing. thank you for sharing such a personal part of your self. We all learn from each other. take care,jm |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Poet deVine, I feel very sad for you. Must have been a real difficult phase to get through, and now to write about it would be even more difficult. Now, is a point to look back and say to yourself: Give life a try, open up your tucked away heart. It was tragic, but, life is to look forward and move on with lingering memories of yestrdays, yet carry the hopes of tomorrow. I offer you mental strength that you need to overcome the pressures of life, the stress of the sadness. Please get over it, for your own sake. My best wishes are with you... Take Care, Regards, Sudhir. Life is like a painting, That in an art gallery is left hanging, Though many come just to look at it, A very few actually come to enjoy it. |
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Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
Sharon~ That was such a sad story. No one should have to go through that. No matter how much it hurts though, it helps to get it out. Prayers are with you. "Even a fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying." Harry Anderson, "Night Court" *Cassandra Roseen* |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
PDV* This is so tragic...and the part that kills me is that you never unfolded your heart but I know how hard that is to do...believe me...I'm so sorry for your loss and your pain. So many **hugs** going out to you. |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Ms. Poet, The candor with which you are able to share this story elicits my utmost respect and admiration. Tragically moving and heartfelt reading. My sincere best wishes to you. ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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