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Kathleen's Well
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Kathleen's Well |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Sleep had once again taken over, and the sea air, wind and rain were pounding at the door to enter into this makeshift sanctuary. Wind sent whispers of past voices rushing through her mind relentlessly pursuring a willing ear. In childlike fashion, Kathleen drew the top of the dirty blanket to her chin attempting to find some warmth, some relief. Turning from side to side, with seemilgly no escape the room felt it was closing in. Suddenly she drifted hoping to find herself swirling in love's sunlight, only to feel the depth of the coldest well. Falling, falling until the end seemed near, and just as it did, she found herself falling all the more. She heard her mother's voice "You are so precious, please don't worry about me, I know I can always count on you, no matter what" such a soft, sweet sound. Words spoken in hestitation, spoken with such distraught. Someone was leaving her, the magniture of it pushed her down until she fell to the bottom of her well. The only voice calling "Rise and shine" or sometimes speaking in a German phrase learned in years past during the war, saying "Sleep Good" "Mom, I don't know German, stop that!" Regarding moments that seemed to turn into seconds, fresh sheets from a clothesline, towels whipped in the air and folded with love and care. Her laundry folded, pressed and waiting for her on the foot of her bed as she rushed in from school. A woman standing at the window, peering out making certain the school bus had arrived. "Your legs are younger than mine, would you go down to the basement and bring the laundry upstairs?" her mother's voice called to her again. "Maybe no one will see me eating this lemon merinque pie until it's too late!" she thought. Her mother knew she would dig in and she always baked two of them. "You have to cut the giblets then put them in the gravy, and you must stir it slowly so the flour doesn't lump" Kathleen never did the gravy right, never, but her mother made it to perfection every single time. Luckily, no one ever knew of her failures, her mother did not dwell on them. Every Thanksgiving was wonderful. Dressing that would comfort you with each bite, sage just right, pumpkin pie in cinammon delight. "Charles, you have to give Kathleen more space, you're smothering her. She's going to grow up, it's time" Kathleen heard her mother's voice in the hall. "Mom will stand up for me, she will, she will, she'll get stronger and so will I and together we can do anything." In shame, she fell further remembering at times being ashamed of her mother for closing herself up inside her home. To Kathleen, it seemed that way. "Mom why don't you get out , go out you never see anyone, other mother's work, why don't you? "why did I talk to her that way" her own voice haunted her. "Why didn't I take her more places?" "Why didn't I stand up for HER?" "I should have seen her for more than who she was, my mom, I should have hugged her more often, taken her by the hand and made her get out of that house. I should have, should have done so much more. Now, she's gone, and I can still smell the turkey and dressing. I can still see her wrapping Christmas presents, or carving our pumpkins. Oh, the candy was always there by the front door, and the house was always immaculate, everything had order. Why didn't I tell her I was cluttered, in my spirit and I needed her there.there to help me?" Soon it would be November 14th. An eclipse on my heart. For she had been gone then for 27 years. Time..... and I remember her smiling in the hospital so proud of herself because she had finally stopping smoking. But it was too late! It had been too late. Who was she? Who was my mother? Who? The last few weeks in the hospital all she did was stare? Stare and say nothing. She was the woman who held my hand, and the woman who wiped the fever from my brow. All this, all this, and never, did she complain, never. Only years of service and love and dedication and care, never asking, never demanding...only love." "Im sorry, Mom, God, I love you, please don't die and leave me here with all of this. Please please don't. Just a little while longer, stay with us, come on. I'm angry with you, I'm angry with God, you are my rock, you're everything don't leave. Don't die. Take me, God, I'll never ask you for anything ever again, take me instead of her, but just release me from this well. I'm drowning. Oh God, it hurts. Maybe she's not dead, that's it, they all lied to me, here she is she's back, isn't she? No, it's a trick, an evil trick and I keep seeing her in my dreams and I cry out and she's not real, or is she? It hurts so much" "It never goes away, never, the pain, the loss, someone who should have been there to see her grandchildren, the missed every one of them. All of them, no pictures, no smiles, no outings to the zoo." I want her back, I want her back.... to be continued Kathleen |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kathleen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
You're packing a lot of emotional punch into these pieces! Excellent writing, will be waiting for more! Abrahm Simons "...Watching fate as it flows down the path we have chose" - Trent Reznor, "We're in this Together" |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
thank you.I'm glad you are enjoying the chapters. This one is all true. Probably why the emotion. A friend told me I should consider looking into publication. I scoffed at it, but now, I don't know. I love this story, and it isn't finished yet, and the punch is I'm really going to this "place in 3 weeks" on vacation!! Maybe....ummmmm well I'll try not to get lost!! I have a question I'll send to your personal e mail if it's ok more tomorrow? Kathleen |
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