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Embracing Fear, Embracing Courage
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Embracing Fear, Embracing Courage |
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Julie Jordan Scott Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 146Bakersfield, CA USA 
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(c) 2000 Julie Jordan Scott Fear enveloped me. "I will wait in the shadows and blow you away. I don't care if I have to spend a lifetime in prison, it will be worth it to see you gone!" It was the voice of a client who has schizophrenia. For the second time in two months, one of my clients would rather have me in the morgue than in service to them. My naivete was stripped from me. For five years I had tirelessly and fearlessly served the severely, chronically mentally ill population. The nature of my position required I work with those who were ordered by the court into mental health treatment: these were the clients who had been the most severely ravaged by one of several psychotic disorders. I never once, until this point, had stopped to think of the danger connected to being in relationship with these unique people. As reality collided with my perceptions, I plummeted into the murky depths of the abyss. Seeking professional assistance, I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I simply knew I was not my normal self. People noticed a change even in my voice. Fear reigned. Paradoxically, by completely embracing my fear, becoming fully conscious of the darkness, I was inviting in the light. Accepting an invitation into the catacombs was also giving myself the gift of exploration. Saying yes to a leave of absence from my workplace, I had license experience the Fear-Courage cycle in its entirety. Just as fear came in many surprising disguises, so did courage. Taking a leave from my job, admitting to the need to completely embrace and get through the struggle was one of the most courageous acts I have ever taken. It created a complete divorce from my colleagues as I crossed the bridge from being a mental health provider to being a mental health consumer. Not one of the clinicians I practiced with could make the leap alongside me, holding my hand. I knew about stigma, but it took enormous courage to experience stigma. My courage became my cloak and my shield as I took each therapeutic step as well. For example, at the heart of EMDR is that I dive into the trauma to reconnect with it. I would stare down the light board, listening to the clicks in my ears as the connections in my brain did their job. My clinician lead me down the path to wholeness. I made the conscious decision to be stronger, tougher and more courageous than fear that the death threats brought to me. The longer I held the door open to courage, the stronger the courage became. As I became more conscious of courage, it lead to the study of my true life purpose. No longer did I have to fit into any one else's model or preconceived notion of who or what I was to be. The shackles of ordinariness where fear kept me hostage were now unlocked. With courage in my hand, my soul, and my being, I stepped into extraordinariness. To read Julie's free ebook entitled Don't Let it Take Two Death Threats: My Journey to Living Passionately Everyday visit her website at http://www.5passions.com/chapter1.html I am a Life Purpose Coach who specializes in assisting men and women to clarify their Life Purpose and then in turn live true to their purpose. After 5 years working with the Severely Mentally Ill in County Mental Health, I gave up the bureaucracy (and safe, secure blanket) of this environment to pursue my own purpose and passion. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Julie Jordan Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mai Ling Junior Member
since 2000-03-15
Posts 15 |
It was really great! keep up the good work, I hope that you'll have a fine day. |
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Mellon Collie Junior Member
since 2000-03-25
Posts 49united states of america |
dear julie, i think this an excellent piece (and certainly an interesting one for those of us going into the area of clinical psychology). there are a few minor grammatical problems that i spotted that i thought i would share with you. the first is the sentence "For five years I had tirelessly and fearlessly served the severely, chronically mentally ill population." the problem that i see here is that there are just too many "ly" words. even the mind tends to trip over the overuse of a certain sound and i dont think i got what you intended for me to get out of that statement simply because of the complex nature of it, perhaps consider alternate word choices? or the use of other adverbial descriptions. the second (and more minor) problem i spied was in the sentence "I knew about stigma, but it took enormous courage to experience stigma." i feel that the reuse of the word "stigma" is detracting from the meaning of your statement, and in some sense nullifying it to the reader's mind. something of the same effect as defining a word by itself. anyway, i may be right or i may be wrong, just my thoughts. very good piece though  sincerely, the beautiful freak |
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Julie Jordan Scott Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 146Bakersfield, CA USA |
Thanks, all, for your comments! Mellon Collie, best of luck with your journey into the world of clinical psychology. It is indeed a fascinating course of study. Passionately, Julie I am a Life Purpose Coach who specializes in assisting men and women to clarify their Life Purpose and then in turn live true to their purpose. After 5 years working with the Severely Mentally Ill in County Mental Health, I gave up the bureaucracy (and safe, secure blanket) of this environment to pursue my own purpose and passion. |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Wonderful, inspirational piece, Julie! I could almost see you giving this as a speech at a convention or seminar somewhere. Great writing. Abrahm Simons Put one foot on the path of life and tread the dagger's path betwixt dark and light. |
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