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On my way to get stuff
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On my way to get stuff |
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jbowie Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 135BANGOR (that OR) ME |
I just needed to go and get some cheese meat and milk. Not alot, just enough so that I would not starve in between sleeping and taking long hot showers. As I walked into the grocery store I grabbed a small basket and weaved my way past old gym sock smelling guy and the lady trying to shove sausage samples into my gullet which would obviously cause gas during the evening and get me kicked out of bed later that night when my wife figured out it was not the dog that was setting the atmosphere ablaze with blood curdling gassy emmisions. Safely I arrived at the deli counter and my world seemed to slow, like a snail, low on slime, moving across rough bark; so did it seem faster than the fat man behind the counter who is weighing your cheese slice by slice when you don't care if it is exactly a pound, as if it would cause me to come back and give him a plaque for being so diligent in his efforts to supply me with an exacting count of my provalone. So I jumped acroos the counter and yelled "I am the cheese" and grabbed the package with a thank you not insanity kung fu chop and made my way to the lady handling the meat. She was now savvy to my ways and just slapped a pile of meat on the counter which I grabbed and thanked her for as the slightes of spittle dripped from my lips. Satisfied I went on to the dairy products section where a 14 year old clerk with orange hair was arranging the milk into more orderly stacking. In my way. The look he gave me as I knocked him to the floor as I grabbed my 2% would make a grave digger laugh, and I said as much as he scrambled away to find security. I arrived shortly at the checkout while the cashier eyed me cooly. She gave the lazy eye, having seen my actions here to fore, and asked of my method of payment. A delay, something deep within me crept out and replied; I knew as I looked at her, that behind me two could not pass the police academy physical security guards were sweeping in to take away my freedom. Just then my dog burst thru the doors, with a rabid froth, delaying the oppressors just long enough for us to race outside and jump into my waiting tercel. I popped the clutch and off we went into the night with our booty in hand, baying at the moon until the blue light signaled our demise. So we sit here in our cell, two victims of the man's oppression, with not even a sandwich to show for our valiant efforts. |
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| © Copyright 2000 James Bowie - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
LOL, this was cute. Keep up the good work! "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
ROFL, You are awesome! Your stories are just plain crazy and get me to laugh (Or at least screw up my face and go "EWE") everytime. Thanks for a laugh! Abrahm Simons Put one foot on the path of life and tread the dagger's path betwixt dark and light. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
LOL... I liked this too! Clever presentation! |
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