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Rex Allen McCoy
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since 01-30-2000
Posts 2475
Sippin a Timmy's

0 posted 02-27-2000 05:42 AM

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TAP TAP TAP

"Honey!  ...  wake  up!"
"huh " ...
"Wake  up  ...  there's  a  noise"
"huh  ...  noise  ...  ( cough  cough )  yah  ...  nice "
"Honey!  ...  wake  up!"
" there's  something  in  the  basement "

"Ok  ok " ( cough ) ...  'tap  tap  tap'
"did  you  here  that?" ... 'tap  tap  tap'
"yah  ... it  ...  it's  definately  coming  from  the  basement " ( cough )
'tap  tap  tap' ...  " where's  my  lozenges ... oh  ...  ok  I  got  em "
"stay  here  ...  I'll  check  it  out "
"ok  be  careful " ...  'tap  tap  tap'

'Click  ...  click'  ... no lights  ...  'tap  tap  tap'
'squeeeek'  ...  oh  man  ... stupid  stairs
'squeeeek'  ...  'tap  tap  tap' ...  what  is  that  noise?
Where  is  the  dog? ... 'tap  tap  tap'
why  isn't  she  barking? ... 'tap  tap  tap'
I  don't  like   this  ...  gee it's warm down here

'Tap  tap  tap'  ...  better  check  the  fuse  box  ...  Good God!!!
where's  the  fuse  box  gone??? ...  'tap  tap  tap'
"WHERE  THE  HELL'S  THE  DOG???"
Looks  like  a  faint  light  under  the  funace  room  door
'tap  tap  tap'  ...  what  the  ...  somethings  against  the  door  ... "uuuugghh"
"Smokey ! ...  why  didn't  you  move,  girl  ...  and  how  did  you  get  in  here?
Girl? ...  Smokey? ... 'snap  snap'  ...   what  are  you  staring  at ? "

Ohhh !  ... **** ! ... Please  God  ...  let  this  be  a  dream  ...
one  mother  of  a  hole  where  Mr  Furnace  used  to  be  ...  'Tap  Tap  Tap'
Man  it's  hot  in  here ... 'Tap  Tap  Tap' ...  "What  the  Hell  is  that  Sound"  ...
the  glow  coming  from  that  hole  ...  and  the  Stench !!!
"well  girl  ...  I  think  it's  time  we  leave  ...  ok? " ...  ...  ... WHAT THE !!!
No  Dog ! ... NO  DOOR !!! ...  ...  ...  'Tap  Tap  Tap'  ...   BREATHE
Deep Breaths  ...  relax  ...  settle down  ...  'Tap  Tap  Tap'
" DAM  IT  ...  WHAT THE  HELL  IS  THAT  SOUND ? "

Ok ok  ...  reality  check  ...  this  has  to  be  a  dream  ...  " OUCH " ...
maybe  not  ...  I  thought  this  room  was  bigger  ...  the Walls  ...
"They're  MOVING!!! "  ...  "OH YAH ... I  LOVE THIS  ... THIS   IS  FUN !!! "
It  doesn't  look  too  far  down  ...  "now  or  never r r r r r .................UHH!"
"DAM  IT "... I  bit  my  tongue ... man  that  hurts  ... now  I  know  I'm  awake ...
...........what  is  this  place  ...  It  stinks  in  here  ... ' TAP  TAP  TAP ' ...
' TAP  TAP  TAP '  ...  that sound  ...  it's  coming  from  this  direction  ...
down  this  tunnel  ... that  glow  seems  to  be  coming  from  there  too ...
' TAP  TAP  TAP '  ... There's  another  sound  ... like  distant  screems ...
and  moans ... yes  ...  the  walls  seem  to  be  moaning  ... ' TAP  TAP  TAP '
it's  louder  now ... just  up  ahead  ... somethings  moving  ... the  tunnel
dips  down  and  seems  to  end  in  a  little  room ... ' TAP  TAP  TAP '
somethings  moving  over  behind  that  weird  box  ...  ' TAP  TAP  TAP '

It's  ...  It's  a  little  man  ...  ' TAP  TAP  TAP '  ... what   the  heck  is  he  doing
maybe  I   can  sneak  a  little  closer  ...  quietly  ... just  inch  along  this  wall  ...
slowly  ... ' TAP  TAP  TAP '  ... he's  ...  he's  chiseling  ...  it's  ... it's  ...
It's  a  tombstone ... " MY NAME !!! "  oh  dam  he  saw  me  ... " Heh  ...
Heh  Wait  ... COME BACK  ... HOW  DO  I  GET  OUT  OF  HERE? "
......... did  that  box  just  move  ...  ...  ... thats  ...  not  ...  a  box  ... it's a Coffin
it's  coming  at  me  ...  gotta  run ... my  feet ... They're  Stuck  ...  there's  hands
holding  my  ankles ... Skinless  Hands  ... The  Coffin's  got  me ... It's  Crushing
me  against  the  wall  ... ' TAP  TAP  TAP ' ... the  little  man  is  back  ...
' TAP  TAP  TAP ' ... HE' S  FINISHING  MY  NAME ! ... ' TAP  TAP  TAP ' ...
' TAP  TAP  TAP ' ... DEAR  GOD ! ... ' TAP  TAP  TAP ' ... ' TAP  TAP  TAP '
" Honey ! wake up ... ' tap  tap  tap ' ...  Honey !  your  having  a  nightmare "

�I'm not ugly!
I'm just visually challenged!

[This message has been edited by Rex Allen McCoy (edited 02-28-2000).]

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2497
Ontario, Canada

1 posted 02-27-2000 01:00 PM

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This was unique Rex. Very interesting, I could never write something like this. My hat is off to you sir. Well done.

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25776
Hurricane Alley

2 posted 02-27-2000 03:19 PM

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Whew! I thought I was having a nightmare too! Good job Rex!

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9249
Pennsylvania

3 posted 02-27-2000 05:22 PM

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This was very captivating up to the end, and written in dialogue that was true to life.
A very unusual piece of prose. Well done
Liz

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 27838
California

4 posted 02-27-2000 05:42 PM

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I enjoyed this Rex, kept me on the edge of my chair..and like the repetition of the tap...What a dream! (uh, have you checked your basement lately?)

Saxoness

Senior Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 1175
Texas

5 posted 02-27-2000 06:01 PM

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I'm going to Wal Mart right now and buying a night light.

"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot

Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 06-18-99
Posts 1229
St. Paul, MN

6 posted 02-27-2000 10:27 PM

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I liked this piece, Rex! The almost complete lack of imagery and abundance of dialogue gave this piece the fast piece it deserves. The ending was a tad cliche, but I really don't mind on this one because the excellent, unique writing style covers that. Enjoyed, hope to see more of you!

A writer's soul is on paper etched.

In flames I shall not be consumed, but reborn. --
Abrahm Simons

bobbycat
Member
since 02-06-2000
Posts 235
USA

7 posted 02-27-2000 11:01 PM

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I am SO glad my house doesn't have a basement! LOL great work--my heart was pounding right until the end!

Bobbycat =^..^=

~~Blessed Be!~~

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 21646
Philadelphia, PA USA

8 posted 02-28-2000 10:56 AM

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Frightening nightmare, Rex. You made it come alive with your words!

Denise

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 01-30-2000
Posts 2475
Sippin a Timmy's

9 posted 02-28-2000 12:32 PM

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Thanks everyone ... This was my first atempt at writing prose ... I find poetry flows much easier but I did enjoy writing this story ... perhaps I'll write another sometime
Thanks again for your kind replies

Rex}<{{{{o>

I'm not ugly!
I'm just visually challenged!

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 01-30-2000
Posts 2475
Sippin a Timmy's

10 posted 04-11-2000 12:44 AM

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Dusk Treader ... at the ending ... the ' tap tap tap ' was my wife tapping my shoulder trying to wake me from the dream

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 04-06-2000
Posts 10553

11 posted 04-11-2000 10:01 PM

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a great poem to read just before going to sleep!!!

Kathleen

Dawn Eclipse
Senior Member
since 01-31-2000
Posts 640
The Horsehead Nebula

12 posted 04-11-2000 10:27 PM

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oohhhh! That was an excelent story!!! I enjoyed it very much. It kept making me guess, which is awesome! I look forward to reading more from you.

"It is in our aloneness
that we recognize our oneness,
even as the single droplet of water
knows also that it is the sea."Daniel

*Cassie Roseen*

mini poet
Member
since 02-06-2000
Posts 58
Canada

13 posted 05-13-2009 01:53 PM

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great story dad you made me laugh! =)

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 64061
Listening to every heart

14 posted 05-13-2009 10:48 PM

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Rex...

I'm so glad you child has come to visit...I saw the trail in Today's topics...

You should be so proud!

fractal007
Senior Member
since 06-01-2000
Posts 1995

15 posted 05-17-2009 12:47 AM $View Profile for fractal007$

$View IP for fractal007$

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Hahaha, that was a fun mindjob of a reality messing piece. I love how you wrote this entirely using dialog. No descriptions, just dialog and onomotopoeia.

Life's short. Think hard!
Me!

KatVern17
Junior Member
since 05-07-2009
Posts 16

16 posted 02-01-2010 09:28 PM

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Well done. I felt my heart racing..I hope I don't have that nightmare..gosh, I love my dog, but hate the apartment I'm in...the basements is soo freaky. LOL..Good piece.

All times are ET (US)


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