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Baby Problems |
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jbowie Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 135BANGOR (that OR) ME |
My first memorable experience with a baby was when I was 10 and was able to hold my brothers 3 month old baby. I rocked him then held him out in front of me to look at his innocent little face. As his clear blue eyes looked back at me, I was tickled and did not expect the next course of events. Like a blown engine spitting out water vapor and oil, he suddenly emitted a deluge of baby fluid that splattered over my face and neck, then inched it’s whay warmly down my back. The congealed mass of belly milk crept all over me and invaded every part of my body. I cannot tell you how horrified I was to find out how quickly it could dry, and by the time I made it to the bathroom I was fully clad in vomitus armor. lets just say that the spoiled milk soured me on holding the baby again. My second experience was with a baby that I was , of course, baby sitting. Diapers have a way of getting dirty and the baby cannot change themselves, so I knew what I had to do. Into the darkness of the changing room I crept, the foul taint of ancient baby diapers still lingering in the air about me. As I put the baby on the table and began to change him, a wafting wave of stench invaded my nostrils. I gagged but plowed on, wiping clean the greenish/brown pollution with much to thin baby wipes. But I was untrained and the baby boy had the better of me. First a foot was placed unneringly into the dirty diaper then immediatly transferred to my arm. As I went to wipe my arm, a cascade of well timed urine shot clear across the divide and struck me in my good eye(I had a bad eye from my older brother who does not know his own strength especially when wiping my face in cow manure - sorry is this story a little heavy on the POO POO - well you are an adult and can deal with it) I was blinded and the baby actually began to laugh as young ones do, even though I knew he was pleased by his deed. Well this may explain that now I have always just wanted dogs, but I found a woman and we mated to produce a baby of my own. Beautiful, but with a plan to drive me insane. I am hungry but I will only spit up what you feed me because you are not mommy. I will only cry when you are asleep, because I feel you are an adult and can deal with it. change me now but I am going to poop in five minutes, so be ready to do my bidding again. Then she smiles, and I forget it all. A but what is a new father to do? |
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| © Copyright 2000 James Bowie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
EWWWWW... I think I'd rather keep my distance from baby's and keep myself clean... I'm finding your pieces to be an excellent diversion here in prose. Humorous and odd, I love it.. A writer's soul is on paper etched. In flames I shall not be consumed, but reborn. -- Abrahm Simons |
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sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
in contrast to DT, I love children..but in comparison, I thought your story was humorous and odd  stay cool  ~~Lavada~~ P.S. No offense DT  "For every beauty, there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth, there is an ear somewhere to hear it For every love, there is a heart somewhere to receive it".--Ivan Panin |
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childomine Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818st. petersburg, FL |
This piece absolutely tickled me!! I love it!! It brought back memories, that were at the time disgusting. I now look back on my own experiences such as these with a humor and joy. Thank you for taking me back. it's been great!!! |
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