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jbowie
Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 135
BANGOR (that OR) ME

0 posted 2000-02-23 12:23 PM


The undercooked scrambled eggs pour runnily from the grease filled pan of my soul to lay next to the over crispy bacon of my life and the burnt toast of all my dreams. Damn I wish I could at least cook. My pasta is always sticky and my soup to dry, and yet every day I still drag myself from bed despite my failures. As a drop-out from cuilinary school, I can find no joy in even the finer points of the intricate popping of corn in my microwave. Orville has caused me to run screaming many a night as I open the popping bag to discover only the charred remnants of once beautiful bright white popcorn. I cannot tell you how sickened I am by my inability to even give my dog a good bowl of dry dog food. It spills here and there, never landing in his dish, forcing him to eat from the soiled floor and I know that he looks at me with less respect every day because he knows his master is but a fool. Forget wet cat food. I end up with it smeared all over my face and arms and have to subject my poor cat to the humiliation of licking it from my failure of a body. Can you imagine the taunts of the other cats that pass by and see this profane business being performed. They don’t know my cat must do this to survive and just may think my cat is perverted and likes to lick humans, however distastefull it must seem. Oh and the horror of my first thanksgiving. The looks from my family as I served a turkey burnt on the outside while still frozen in the center. That was ten years ago and my poor uncle still has not been released from intensive care. I thought that cooking would be my life, but now I see it only as a missed hoop that I never jumped through and broke my arm while grasping for that damned brass ring. Maybe I should just become a doctor.

© Copyright 2000 James Bowie - All Rights Reserved
Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187
St. Paul, MN
1 posted 2000-02-23 03:27 PM


ROFL, Your culinary talent is a rival for my own!  Love the ending too, LOL.  Thanks for a laugh!

 A writer's soul is on paper etched.

In flames I shall not be consumed, but reborn. --
Abrahm Simons



Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
2 posted 2000-02-23 04:32 PM


I always enjoy your tales..lol. Remind me never to seek medical attention in your neck of the woods. never know what you might end up breaking.  
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