»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
The Beauty of a Rainbow
| Passions in Prose |
|
The Beauty of a Rainbow |
|
Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas 
|
The Beauty of a Rainbow "Our Lord, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever, Amen." -Mathew 6:9-13 "Our Lord, Who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…" (Mathew 6:9) I was born into a Christian family. Not only Christian, but I am also a long descendant of proud Texan Southern Baptists. Until the age of six, I had nothing beyond pews, hymnals, and church picnics to occupy my mind. I attended a Baptist church next to my Baptist school located in Amarillo Texas, a Baptist town. Christianity wasn't a belief for me; it was an everyday routine. My kindergarten class prayed before we saluted the flag. The cafeteria was silent before a meal as the principle asked God to bless our food. I kneeled before my bed while my Dad helped me with my bedtime prayers. Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord, my soul to keep. If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord, my soul to take. I learned that God lived in heaven before I learned the Alphabet. My Heavenly Father was a remote being, and I learned of his existence along with Mother Goose and Grimm. His name was hallowed because everyone quieted at the mention of it. I didn't grasp the sacredness of religion, of Christianity; or the reverence people placed upon it. I was a fetus, provided with food, shelter, and care before I was aware of my surroundings. Those were the most innocent years, where everything was black, white, and rainbows were beautiful. "…Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…." (Mathew 6:10) At the age of six I accepted Christ as my Lord and savior. Several weeks afterwards, I was baptized. I remember getting to go into the oversized tub and go underwater. Afterwards, I asked my mother if I could do it again. That's how Christianity was for me in the beginning, fun, and exciting. "Your attitude determines the faith you have". (Nelson, 22) Around the same time my dad decided to make a career change, and we moved from the town of my birth to Bartlesville Oklahoma, then to Garland Texas, and finally to The Colony Texas, where we remained. Two weeks later my sister and I went to a public school for the first time. Talk about a culture shock. We didn't pray before meals, or before saying the pledge of allegiance. I remember sitting at our kitchen table one day, arguing with my sister, when suddenly she called me a little slut. I neither one of us really knew what that meant, but I at least had the dignity to be offended. My mother, on the other hand, almost went into cardiac arrest. My sister was in the 6th grade but I was only in the 2nd, so kids my age were still relatively tame. They still went to church with their parents, even if they didn't want to, and the boys had no idea what to do with a girl once they caught one. As far as I knew, every other child was Baptist as well. My best friend, Karen, lived directly across the street from me, and we spent many happy hours together. Then came middle school. Girls played with makeup instead of Barbie's. All my friends had boyfriends, including me. Older, bigger kids attended school with me. They smoked, they drank, and they cursed. Somehow, I remained unscathed by it all. However, reality struck home one afternoon while I was at Karen's, talking on her front porch. An older girl named Sunny came walking by, and I expected Karen to say hello to her and continue our conversation, as was usual. However she motioned for her to join us. I couldn't believe my best friend had made friends with a girl who drank, smoked, and cursed. I didn't say much, and I don't think either one of them noticed. I sort of drifted off into my own thoughts, until suddenly I heard Karen use the Lord's name in vain. Talk about surprise. I stopped her in mid sentence, exclaiming how disappointed I was, and that she knew it was wrong. For a moment, she looked guilty, but Sunny scoffed and told me to grow up, everyone did it. Karen was quick to take her side. I walked home in a dismal mood, and that night asked my parents why kids acted so differently, and why so many of them trashed our religion. Of course they explained that not everyone was Christian, and many people were going to ridicule me for my beliefs, but I needed to remain strong. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Galatians 6:9 That was the year I realized that rainbows were not appreciated by everyone. "Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." (Mathew 6:11) In middle school I learned two important things. One was that I needed to involve my self heavily in church activities to grow as a Christian, and the other was that no one wanted to hear about it. The friends I made in Elementary school all went in different directions. One became an agnostic, one an atheist and the others simply didn't care one way or the other. At first this bothered me a great deal. I couldn't understand why the friends that grew up in the Christian faith as I did suddenly turned around and renounced it. I questioned them constantly about it until I finally succeed in pushing some of them away. When I realized I was losing friends, I gave up the struggle. I went my way, and they went theirs. This was probably the first big mistake I made in my faith. By turning my back on witnessing to my friends, I turned my back on God. The further into school I got, the bigger the rift that I had created between my savior and me became. I remember having a dream one night, and in it I was standing in a room where on one side of me, were my home, my everyday life, my possessions, my friends, and many other things I treasured. On the other side was a rainbow. I knew I had to choose which side to go to, but I couldn't. "What you are is revealed by what you do. What you do reveals what you really believe." (Nelson, 28). So I reached out and took up both. However, the things I had in my grasp started moving the opposite directions of each other. It became obvious I was going to have to let go of something. I woke up. I chalked up the dream to another weird nightmare and forgot it. Only later did I realize how much significance the dream contained. Somehow I managed to hold onto both sides all the way through High school, even though I fluctuated hot and cold with my faith. However the summer before college things started going down hill. Clouds had hidden my rainbows from me. "Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…" (Mathew 6:12) "Crisis always occurs at the curve of change" (Nelson, 32) I decided to come to college two weeks before the first day of class. Needless to say, things were a little hectic around that time. I told myself I had too much to worry about, and didn't have time to sit and read my bible, or pray, or stay involved in church. If there had been a rift between God and I before, now there was a canyon. The importance he had in my life went sharply downhill, and I was too busy doing what I thought he wanted to notice it. A few weeks after things had settled down at school, I decided it was time to find a new church home. I was very surprised to discover I really had no interest in doing so. Of course, this alarmed me. I denied my feelings instead of taking them to God, and pretended that everything was ok, just like I had countless other times. I began to attend a new church, and for awhile things seemed to be going smoothly. However, I became more and more apathetic to anything having to do with religion. I made excuses for myself as to why I never attended church anymore; I lied to my parents, promising them to get more involved. I think they new that I was being untruthful, but short of calling me a liar, which would have strained them even more, there was nothing they could do. Not only did my spiritual life struggle, but also the overwhelming apathy started to drift over into other areas of my life. My schoolwork suffered. Class attendance dropped and so did my grades. I just didn't care. Nothing mattered. An emptiness consumed me. I stopped praying and talking to God completely. I knew I was headed for a crash landing, but I couldn't make myself face it. So I ignored it, like I ignored so many other things. By the end of my first semester in college, I wasn't even sure if rainbows existed at all. "For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory…" (Mathew 6:13) I went home for Christmas break a shell of the person I had been before leaving. But I had grown so good at hiding my feelings; no one realized my despair. I went through the motions, going to church twice a week, praying at meals, talking about what a friend I had in Jesus. But I cried every night. I was so alone. I couldn't fathom going back to college in such a state. I was scared of what I would do to myself. One week before I was due back, the cold weather suddenly got warmer. I decided to make a visit to a favorite High school spot I had, Lewisville Lake. I drove there one evening on the premise of grocery shopping and walked out onto the dock. I don't remember a time when it had been more silent, or more still, than at that moment. I felt that the world had drifted away and all that remained was the sky, the water, and me. I remember touching my cheeks and feeling the tears that had become such a daily routine to me. They were silent, hidden, just like everything about me was. I can remember clearing my mind, wanting just the silence inside of me, for at least that was something other than the emptiness. I don't know how long I sat there, but when I opened my eyes again the sun was setting. I looked up at the sky. And the sight that greeted me is something I will never forget. A rainbow had stretched itself across the setting sun, holding it, cradling it, like a mother would a small child. Peace enveloped me and for the first time in weeks, months, perhaps even years I felt God's presence. He spoke to me in those moments, comforting me, and I still remember what he said. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9) "I will not leave you orphaned, I will come to you." (John 14:18) I cried once again. But this time it was to purge of all the loneliness and despair that I had carried for so long. I was renewed. That night I prayed to God for the first time in weeks. And I knew that he heard me. I knew he had never left me, and never would. His rainbow, his promise, was no longer a remote idea, it was his hand guiding me in my life. And it was once again, beautiful. "Amen" (Mathew 6:13)0 "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot [This message has been edited by Saxoness (edited 02-20-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Angela Erin Burke - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Beautifully told tale here, and one that I am assuming is of your past. This must have been hard for you to write, but I want to just offer one piece of advice: break up your paragraphs a little more, it becomes rather hard to read when there's so much text together. Great work though  A writer's soul is on paper etched. In flames I shall not be consumed, but reborn. -- Abrahm Simons |
||
|
Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
I am surprised that no one had replied to this yet. Beautiful Saxoness. I love the creativity and the uniqueness of having the Lord's prayer at the beginning of your short story and then before each paragraph. You never cease to amaze me with your life's tales. I am glad that you found the true meaning of the beauty of a rainbow in the end. The more I read any piece by you, the more I begin to see the beauty of saxoness. You have a unique talent. Take care, your friend, Melissa Honeybee |
||
|
Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
Thanks ya'll! Dust treader, i'll see what i can do... Honeybee, I don't think I deserve such praise, but I appreciate it none the less! "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Saxon lady - Now there you go, again. You can write circles around almost anybody I know, and yet you put yourself down. What am I gonna do with you?? This is a terrific piece of writing. I, too, love the way you tied the Lord's prayer into your recollections. I also liked the other references. You must have worked a great deal on this piece. Way to go, Lady. ps - I've made a pass at the rest of "Night Magic" - it needs your loving touch to make it work. Go get it, gal. |
||
|
Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
Thank you! I'm gonna go take a look at Night Magic as soon as I can get to it. I'll see what I can do "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
||
|
Grandma Jo Member
since 2000-01-02
Posts 51 |
This is utterly beautiful. I hope you never loose that inner peace. There is always a rainbow if we allow ourselves to see it! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
