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Diamonds
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Diamonds |
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Astraea Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now |
Prologue Comes the life in every fledgling to find itself perched on a ledge, with the breath of Zephyr teasing its feathers and instilling in it, a kind of anticipation and fear mixed so delicately that the bravest of brave wouldn't be able to know whether excitement or terror stirred in their hearts and blood. Hesitation would be unforgivable; the push and pull inside isn’t pressing for surrender, but victory and the freedom it would know only when high in the air, high above the grass, sea and dancing into the clouds until Pegasus would stop and fill with jealousy as the Muses admired with awe and Zeus would have to call for his attention in bringing the burning electricity passing through the stallion in envy. Relentless, coaxing, fright would have little grip on instinct as the world left the touch of skin and the winds’ caresses became an exquisite barrier playfully broken. Yes, comes the life in every fledgling when it would find itself high upon the cliffs, ignoring the slashes of the winds born to bear their weight and force only the best to rise, and be thrown by a heartfelt glee. And should they fail in their chance and leap into the unknown, that heartfelt glee could quickly turn to sorrow. Faren wasn’t a princess for the pure regal blue blood pumping in her body; no, as far as she and her people were concerned, Faren was a princess as much of a right than the station she was born to. Tender curls of amber silk curved around her cheeks, soft, pure and cascading down over her shoulders and spreading across her back like a veil of tainted gold. Her skin was tender, graceful but firm and resilient, kissed with a faint hue of golden brown and sweet peaches, evenly spreading across her body as if the water had consumed her whole and blossomed a birth of an young ember. Wide pools of ice and snow beset themselves above her cheeks, cool and sharp and betraying no emotion through her courageously steady gaze. Slender, agile, but born into a family of royalty descended from the best warriors, Faren was a remarkably beautiful maiden that marked the greatest height her people would ever achieve. “Milady,” the guardsman all murmured in respect, bowing over in their show of fealty, as Faren glided into the main chamber so smoothly, several of them weren’t sure if she was moving her feet. Faren nodded that they arise as she reached a table spread with maps, documents, and measuring devices of all lands and designs. “What is the situation now, Mason?” she said curtly, removing her appraisal of the papers to meet the somber gaze of her confidant. She trusted few people explicitly; she knew that trust often led to the many downfalls and mistakes her family had made throughout the centuries of rule. Mason had proved to be, time and again, a steadfast supporter of Faren’s ambitions and decisions. Faithful bodyguard, shadowing her every movement, and trusted friend, she knew that Mason was the one rock in her life whose stability she had counted on during her few collapses. What he advised, she took into serious consideration; he had yet to give her a reason not to trust him. Mason was already her left side, as he always was; his weapons were always hanging by his right, as his weapons could only be drawn cleanly with his right hand. His cool emerald eyes rested on the papers, reading the documents formally though they both knew he had the answer in mind right from the moment she entered the room. Faren waited patiently. She was referring to the army traveling slowly, but insistently, toward her country and for weeks, her people had urged her immediate baulking of their advance. Faren wasn’t one to be pushed into any decision that might ruin her people; young as she was, many lands knew that a brilliant dictator lived behind her diamond eyes and were wary to dare bring her wrath onto their lands should they upset her nation. It was a dangerous situation; the poison was spreading across their surroundings until only the more delicate of plans would remove the problem. Which was what she was going to do. “If you oppose their advance here,” he pointed to the mountainside, “and here,” touching the canyon, “their only choice would be to withdraw or continue with their masses depleted, if we set the army there.” Faren considered. “How long before we can eradicate them?” “Summer would be filled with the plans needed for this campaign, milady.” She murmured something beneath her breath, expressing extreme regal frustration with the time her people would have to fear their attacks, should the army fail. If they attacked them first, her nation would be easily ruined; of that, she was sure, reading the estimation of the enemy’s numbers. Let them make the mistake to attack. It would be their first and last, as far as Faren would be concerned. “Good,” she said. Looking up at Mason’s tall figure, she smiled one of her rare smiles that made her seem all the more beautiful. Mason’s lips twitched some, but no smile touched his face; but Faren wasn’t concerned with that nonsense. The glow in his eyes was enough. “Dismissed, Mason. Why don’t we go out to the gardens? Relaxation every now and then keeps the body rested to be ready for battle later, wouldn’t you say?” Mason didn’t even pause. He shook his head firmly. Soft brown hair became wilder than it was around his face, it reminded her of an untamed wolf, and his jaw set woodenly. “I cannot, Princess. Business.” “All business, no rest, makes Mason a rusty warrior,” she quipped, wondering at the pang in her heart. Mason didn’t hear, or didn’t seem to hear, her half plea, half tease; by the time she had returned back to reality, Mason was out the door and gone. One of the guards, another ally of hers she would almost trust if it hadn’t been for his knack of withholding information from her and letting mistakes fall through unnoticed caught her attention as she began to make her way towards the door, about to call out his name. “Careful, princess,” he caution, his enigmatic grey eyes greedily drinking in her loveliness until Faren felt weak. She hated weakness; her world wouldn’t abide by weaknesses. “For what?” she snapped, trying to peer over her shoulder and towards where Mason had disappeared to. “For yourself, Diamond.” When his words finally registered on Faren’s misty mind, the guard was gone. The two lovers were standing the moonlight’s soft spill of romantic water, airy and light, mystical and filled with promises. Faren had been restless in her sleep; sweating, shuddering and mind afire with anxiety, she had arisen and dressed for a light wandering around the fountain gardens until the rustle of breath and sweetly murmured words of love had froze her body. Around her neck, lay her last birthday gift she had worn for no reason at all that night: a curious arrangement of diamonds decorated in the shape of a flower. It was called the Amaranth. Mason had given it to her and she cherished it deeply. Amaranth, she thought, the flower that never dies in poetry. Mason. There were many things about him that attracted her, from his decisive mind to his enigmatic looks, which made Mason her prime candidate for Royal Consort. What would be a better ruler? A friend, a warrior, and intelligent enough to consider everything outside himself, she could find no better King. And love? She stopped, her brows drawing together. Well, there was that too. Few knew that Faren was reluctant to seat the throne herself; it had been because of her youthful need to impress and do something for someone that had driven her to accept the crown. That someone had been Mason. ‘What is this?’ she had said, gaping at the box sitting in her lap and her eyes reflecting the jewelry’s sparkles. ‘Diamonds.’ Mason had replied simply. ‘Diamonds? Why?’ The glow that had been in his eyes was priceless; she would never forget the teasing warm affection in them. ‘Because, milady, you are a diamond.’ Mason. There were many things about him that attracted her, from his decisive mind to his enigmatic looks, which made Mason her prime candidate for Royal Consort. What would be a better ruler? A friend, a warrior, and intelligent enough to consider everything outside himself, she could find no better King. And love? She stopped, her brows drawing together. Well, there was that too. Few knew that Faren was reluctant to seat the throne herself; it had been because of her youthful need to impress and do something for someone that had driven her to accept the crown. That someone had been Mason. Faren had grown up during a time of great seriousness and she lacked in the curiosity the most children grew with. Much of her desires and wants had been repressed as she matured into a hardened ruler who separated need from want, duty from dream. Some of that repressed glee escaped, tunneling into her heart like a warm mist filling her until she would burst unless she found release. She turned the corner, her mouth opening to regally interrupt the pair before the image registered on her mind. The mist disappeared. In a moment, Faren was off running towards her rooms, a single tear slipping past her watch and falling to the ground, catching the light of the moon above. Embedded in that droplet was a vision burning like acid inside Faren’s body until she collapsed onto her bed, sobbing, sure that she was being eaten alive.. And, thoughtless of Faren’s grief, Mason leaned in to kiss the beautiful woman in his arms. “Order the attack.” The guards all looked up in shock and surprise as a disheveled Faren rode into the camp, her cape and coat thrown over her light gown carelessly, a sickly paleness to her skin and dull shine to her eyes. There was a wild lightning streaking through her gaze and if looks could kill, Faren would have been responsible for murdering dozens of captains that drew their stares to the princess. She was panting, chest heaving, and her gasps appeared in the cold air. “But Princess...” Faren drew herself up to the commander, her eyes steely. “Order it. Move your soldiers out by tomorrow, Commander.” Grumbling, the men moved off, leaving a guard to lead Faren to a warm tent, where she could possibly regain her sanity. Faren was muttering beneath her breath again, but she was chanting something unintelligible to anyone but the guard escorting her. Gasping out repeatedly, “Diamonds, diamonds, diamonds,” in a soft tone, finally, by the thousandth time she had murmured the word, they reached the tent where it was warm. Faren felt cold. “So, Diamond, my warning wasn’t in time, it seems,” the guard said quietly, meeting her eyes. Faren looked back, her eyes suddenly appearing like two spheres of icy diamonds. She had looked so despaired before, but was at a strange sort of peace now. “Yes, I understand now,” she whispered in a dead voice. “I’m a diamond. No one can destroy me but myself.” “Perhaps,” he said, still as evasive as ever. Then, almost curiously, “What is your decision then, Diamond?” Her inhale was shaky. She was too close to the front lines to survive if she continued her order. She was the Diamond, unbreakable except to herself. So be it. “We continue the attack.” "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness." "Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things." |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well now, another fantasy tale graces the forum!!! I think, Astraea, that you have a viable story here to work with. It's creative and you do a great job of developing the princess especially! Now, I would suggest that it might be improved were you to go back through it and double check your grammar and punctuation! (BTW- Great job on the paragraphing too! That's usually where I have my first complaint!!!) I see in, (sorry,) many places, where the sentances could be written better. A few of them are a bit too difficult to follow. Here's an example- "Faren wasn’t a princess for the pure regal blue blood pumping in her body; no, as far as she and her people were concerned, Faren was a princess as much of a right than the station she was born to." This sentance is good up until the bolded portion. Now, I'm assuming that what you are saying here is that she's there by right, just as much as she's there by birth. But the way it's written reads difficult and I had to re-read and assume. “I’m a diamond. No one can destroy me but myself.” Now this rocked! I really like how you characterized her as the diamond, then took the analogy to an emotional/mental level as well as a physical one! Great!!! All-in-all, I think this has good possibilities. I can also see how you can expand this into a longer, more in depth story! If you'd like a deeper critique with more detail, please let me know! |
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Astraea Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now |
If you don't mind, I'd like a more indepth critique, since I sorta want to expand the idea. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Never thought to apply my sci-fi aspirations to prose. ~Astraea "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness." "Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things." |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Wow! What a tale you've woven for us! I'll leave the critque to Christopher, as he seems to have it under control.  I loved your story, gripped me well and drew me in! The ending(?) was also very well done, but more of this would be wonderful! And as Chris said, “I’m a diamond. No one can destroy me but myself.” Just rocked! Keep up the writing, I'd love to see more! In flames I shall not be consumed, but reborn. -- Abrahm Simons |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I really liked this! Hope to see more from you soon. |
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