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Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2000-01-20 11:22 PM


OOOOhhhhhhhhhh God it hurts! Every ich of my skin, every molecule of my body is screaming with it. It inches up my spine like a snake upon it's prey. It feasts on my sweat like an immortal, undead. It's icy fingers wrap around my heart until I can barely feel it's beat.

I pray for relief, the sweet sleep of death. Alas, tis this very death I fear. I long for it's caress, for the cold void of unfeeling; yet my fear of nothingness is greater then my longing. For to truely be feelingless you must be completely empty. A vast void of nothing, a meaningless corpse. What, I ask, does this accomlish but to take away the pain?

With the removal of this raw, aching, instestine twisting pain comes the removal of all beauty and joy. Tis the cost worth the benifit? How can I ever enjoy the glory of a sunrise, the warmth of it on my face? How can I ever feel the sweet caress of the breeze on my cheek and the scent of it in my nose? What is my gain and is it worth the cost?

Now tell me this? How can I rid myself of such horrific suffering and still reep the benifits of the wonders of this world? Where does one find peace and comforting here? Where are the healing arms of one who can see my pain?




[This message has been edited by Marilyn (edited 01-21-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Marilyn - All Rights Reserved
patchoulipumpkin
Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196
Bermuda
1 posted 2000-01-20 11:47 PM


I know some of what you speak, though my pain is more psychological than physical, but even there its manifests.  Its an interesting dilemna, and i've considered it a lot, doing away with yourself, but then you will have nothing to go on, NOTHING.  So while i tell myself the pain is unspeakable and terrifying, and hurtful, at least it is something, at least there is the scent of a flower that wafts my way, now and then, at least there are sunrises i can follow with my eyes, and feel re-invented.  If only for a moment.  Keep on, keep on.
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
2 posted 2000-01-21 02:38 AM


Interesting and completely unexpected piece from you m'friend! I like the metaphors you use here...
I must say though, that numbness brings it's own unique pain, thereby defyin the definition of itself. Go figure that!

 "O human race, born to fly upward, wherefore at a little wind dost thou so fall?"
Dante Alighieri

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
3 posted 2000-01-21 08:24 PM


Patch....my pain is emotional as well and can be just as difficult to bear as physical pain.

Chris...It just felt good to let it out a bit. This has been building for so long with no release. I want to find a safe place to curl up and sob til it is empty and gone. I need a pair of warm strong arms to pick me up and put me back together. Then I will be ready to face the rest of my life.

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
4 posted 2000-01-22 01:24 PM


Not quite sure what to say about this ... quite a poignant little vent you have penned here.  I don't know you personally, but I will offer you some friendly advice -- as long as you are breathing, you have the opportunity to make things better for yourself.  Don't waste your life away waiting for those strong arms -- if there's one thing I've learned, its that you can't trust anyone but yourself when you are hurting.  Let the strong arms that pick you up be your own, and you will have a great deal more to offer should you happen to find another to share yourself with.

To thine own self be true.      Sorry for the cynic's rant.

--Kess



 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest


First__Knight
Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678

5 posted 2000-01-24 12:14 PM


My first venture into prose and this is what I find?....Hummm?  Marilyn?  KNOCK KNOCK....Hello?  Are you there dear.  this is a side I have never seen of you.  So with that you can have a hug for you pain  (((((Marilyn))))))  Just a type away  

 
I don't buy temporary insanity as they murder defense. Because
people kill people. That's and animal instinct. I think breaking
into someone's home and ironing all their clothes is temporary
insanity.



One Who Understands
Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 251
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
6 posted 2000-01-24 02:01 AM


Try looking into the mirror...into your own eyes...and smiling
Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
7 posted 2000-01-26 04:10 PM


Okay Marilyn  ** offering shoulder ** now you can cry and cry and cry .......and get it all out......now that it's all out, can I kick you with a wooden shoe ?   Nah, just kidding, but you know where to find me.  
Great writing though. I recognize this and no matter what you write, the words never seem strong enough, right ?  

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