The Goddess and the Dark Priest

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

0 posted 1999-11-27 08:43 AM

In the valley that contained the Bewitching Winery and in which sensual and spiritual women were known to dwell..that's where she lived...a certain Celtic Goddess named Sharna.
She longed and she yearned for the day when a special Dark Priest would appear and be true to her Karma.
She called upon the dieties Morrigan to help her in business and in leisure.
Soon without fail Morrigan dispatched a Dark Priest who would soon become the Goddesses sweet treasure.
Blessed be the Priest and blessed be the Goddess.
One without the other would guarantee a life without pleasure.
The Priest can touch the Goddess warmly and he can be sensual and touch her softly.
Admire the Dark Priest as he dwells brazenly in the grasp of the Goddesses power.
She will always be his fair maiden and he will Love her beyond all measure.
As they live and dwell together among the decedent breathe of flowers he will be a Dark Priest dedicated to her pleasure.
Together they will take a journey down a road that is long and winding.
Along the way there will be beautiful temples to enjoy, kahuna's to encounter, menehunes always near, in this land of eternal summers.
Quan Yin...the Chinese Goddess will stop by for a sip of Green tea.
Because she is full of Love and Compassion and we long to be with her.
If life gets a little boring or slow it's certain that Madam Pele will make the mountains shake and the hot lava flow.
Watch closely and you may see Pele's sister Namaka appear.
She's a polynesian sea-goddess that hangs out around here.
Maybe Kane Hoalani...Pele's father may show up with his small seashell in his hand.
And he'll place it on the ocean waves where a splendid sailing ship will soon stand.
Than you can board it and be carried anywhere you want to go.
To other islands or to faraway places while you control the show.
King Kalakaua will help us understand the Legends and Myths of Hawaii while we drink some fine island wines under the soft shade of the beautiful banyan tree.
What is the value of Life is it money and power.
Or is it having more time to make Love, to be in Love, to enjoy one another, the ocean and the mountains, and the beauty of the trees, or is it tenderly admiring a luscious red flower.
In this valley there lies a city called Waikiki.
A city that is wonderfully bizarre and full of adventure and fantasy.
A city which was built for the enjoyment of the Goddess and the Priest.
From Kona to Hilo and from Makakilo Cliffs to Waikiki we will live there and dwell there under the branches of the majestic banyan tree.
Enjoying the decedent rotting throb of tropical nature.
No more struggles and no more strife.
From this day forward the Goddess and her Dark Priest will enjoy the Sweet Mysteries of Life.

[This message has been edited by jmlee12345 (edited 02-04-2000).]

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 1999-12-01 04:16 AM

Besides the fact that I wonder if this should be in the prose forum and not here, (but I'm not gonna be the one to decide that distinction -- oh wait, I am the one who is supposed to make that distinction -- well, if you want to move it, it's okay with me) I think the biggest problem with this piece is a lack of tension or conflict. If you haven't really given us a reason to care about the characters and if you haven't done that, then why should I read it.

I did like all the different, diverse mythologies presented here but I wonder if you might try to write something that makes that diversity an integral part of the story.

Just an opinion,
Brad

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

2 posted 1999-12-02 03:38 PM

Brad, Thank you for the advise and information. Yes, I would like to move to the Prose location. James

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

3 posted 1999-12-02 09:01 PM

Welcome to Passions In Prose James!
As to what Brad said... I'm not quite so sure. It would seem to me that this is painting a "picture" as opposed to telling a story. At least that was how I read it. It took me back to the days when I lived on the islands, and I could almost feel the cool breeze on my face.

DreamEvil
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 2396

4 posted 1999-12-03 03:57 AM

Strictly working with the content, I love the melange of pantheons you work with in this piece. Prose need not always tell a story, sometimes the picture it paints within the mind is all that is necessary. Were this a long involved tale, then would I require an antagonist of sorts.

As a prose piece, I think that you need to work on your paragraphing.

------------------
Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©
-------------------------------------------------------
"Either kill me or take me as I am,
because I'll be damned if I ever change..."

Count Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade
(Marquis de Sade)

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

5 posted 1999-12-07 08:56 AM

Christopher and DreamEvil I really appreciate your wonderful comments. I wrote this for a friend of mine just before she moved to Hawaii and I wanted to fit in many of the subjects we had discussed just prior to her move. I am relieved that you mentioned it was painting a picture and the melange of pantheons was nice because I thought I would have to rewrite the entire piece and create some tension or conflict. My original intention was only to share our mutual interest in the myths and legends of the islands. James

JennyLee
Senior Member

since 1999-09-01

Posts 1461
Northwestern, NJ.

6 posted 1999-12-07 03:06 PM

I too am with Christopher...
This indeed paints a picture...
Glad it's here in prose

Indeed... A menagerie of Loas and Deities.

Jenny Lee

Love is an attempt at penetrating another being,But it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual.

Ruby dagger
Member

since 1999-08-01

Posts 76
Wyoming, MN, U.S.A

7 posted 1999-12-08 09:36 PM

I think it great that you can paint a pricture so accuratly with words. It's wonderful that you did this for a friend. Friends are always the best insperation. I can't wait to see some more of your work.

Luv ya

Kelly

I'm no different than the average girl, my dreams wrap around the world. -Rebecca Lynn Howard

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

8 posted 1999-12-13 02:27 AM

Thank you Jenny and Ruby for your wonderful comments. James

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.