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The Promise
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The Promise |
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MacBeth Junior Member
since 1999-11-06
Posts 14 |
A cool fall breeze rustles through the golden laburnum leaves, setting them dancing to a rhythm known only to them, passing on to caress the lone man's neck with icy fingers. He shivers slightly and turns up the collar on his thick, white shirt (the one he wore to the mall that day). With a soft whirr, the cd changes and "their song" starts to play as he glances up to the stars and the thin sliver of argent, the crescent moon. The moon: witness to countless promises, but, for him, witness to The Promise. He smiles at his friend, the moon, and for a brief second his eyes outshine the stars. He's remembering that pledge, spoken in hushed, nervous voices, a year ago today and knows he's never truly alone. |
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| © Copyright 1999 MacBeth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Simply lovely, MacBeth.... I do hope you continue this story - it sounds like you've got a saga in the works |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
Very very sweet! Good luck with your dreams  and keep writing |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Indeed, you're never alone, MacBeth. Hang on to that promise and may your eyes always hold that shine. Michael |
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Ben Pike Junior Member
since 1999-11-14
Posts 20Southwestern Virginia |
This piece is saved from over-sentimentalism in part by its brevity and in part by its originality (particularly in word choice). It is saved from being too ambiguous by the connection between the character and the setting. The lack of despair adds a sigh of relief to the whole. The mention of the mall once with no further references would seem a jog, an out-of-place link nowhere, but instead made this reader both want to know more about the situation and feel as though I did know a little more, had been given an interior peek. It is not easy to achieve cohesion and depth in this short of a piece without stryaing into cliche or over-emotionalism. I found this is well done. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well done indeed. I think everyone needs to feel some connection with the universe... has to have the feeling that they truly are not alone. Loneiness is simply another form of depression, and can quickly turn itself into a downward spiral. Thi briefly powerful (not powerful onl briefly ) piece has given me cause to glance up at the nighttime sky to look for the company of the stars. |
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JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
I enjoyed this immensely. I just saw earlier in the week...the Leonids...it was awesome. I spend most my time looking upward into our glorious star-lit sky! Thanks for writing this little jewel! Jenny Lee ------------------ Love is an attempt at penetrating another being,But it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual. |
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