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A Fall Walk (my first attempt...)
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A Fall Walk (my first attempt...) |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon 
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This was a poem that turned prose, please advise me of any corrections or whatever...I am new at Prose. The clean crisp fall air fragrant with aging leaves, acorns, and a hint of winter, tickles our noses with faint memories of days long ago. Hand in hand we walk through a meadow in it's late fall green, bending the remnants of summer grass stems under our feet. Our ears filled with the sound of Chickadee songs, Nuthatch chirps, and the harsh mimicry of the Jay; as we walk and enjoy the beauty around us. Soon the grasses under our feet turn to fallen leaves and pine boughs, our steps crunch, crunch, crunch down the forest path. High overhead a hawk drifts on autumn updrafts, seeing if he can spy a treat for his meal.Around us the bushes and trees are alive with tiny birds flitting here and there, in competition for their winter's sustanance. Suddenly the spell is broken by a strange thumping on the forest floor behind us. We turn quickly, but see nothing. Yet soon we hear it again but this time see the cause, as a pine cone bounces to the ground from high above. We hear the squirrel before we see him, as he scolds us thoroughly for being in the way of his supper.Finally we see him just above our heads as he snaps another cone from the branch with his teeth and sends it hurtling to our feet. Chattering and jumping higher into the branches above our heads, he spies another prize. We bunch up a pile of fallen leaves, and seat ourselves in Nature's Theater. To watch a show planned by God, and played out by nature. (I just re-read this..it sucks totally LOL be gentle *wink*) [This message has been edited by X Angel (edited 11-07-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Heather Walters - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Welcome to Prose!! Actually I like this piece. The only thing I see that needs a bit of work is the paragraphing or shelving of ideas. As an example; "The clean crisp fall air fragrant with aging leaves, acorns, and a hint of winter, tickles our noses with faint memories of days long ago. Hand in hand we walk through a meadow in it's late fall green, bending the remnants of summer grass stems under our feet. Our ears filled with the sound of Chickadee songs, Nuthatch chirps, and the harsh mimicry of the Jay; as we walk and enjoy the beauty around us. Soon the grasses under our feet turn to fallen leaves and pine boughs, our steps crunch, crunch, crunch down the forest path. High overhead a hawk drifts on autumn updrafts, seeing if he can spy a treat for his meal.Around us the bushes and trees are alive with tiny birds flitting here and there, in competition for their winter's sustanance. Suddenly the spell is broken by a strange thumping on the forest floor behind us. We turn quickly, but see nothing. Yet soon we hear it again but this time see the cause, as a pine cone bounces to the ground from high above. We hear the squirrel before we see him, as he scolds us thoroughly for being in the way of his supper. Finally we see him just above our heads as he snaps another cone from the branch with his teeth and sends it hurtling to our feet. Chattering and jumping higher into the branches above our heads, he spies another prize. We bunch up a pile of fallen leaves, and seat ourselves in Nature's Theater. To watch a show planned by God, and played out by nature." This is of course just my interpretation of where paragraphing should go. In prose it helps separate thoughts and events. Again, I like this piece much.  ------------------ Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© [This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 11-07-1999).] |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
Thanks DE it's like learning to water ski, taking up a new type of writing LOLI feel all awkward and backwards. I appreciate your input, and will take it to heart X |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I enjoyed this 'walk' very much! ------------------ Denise |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
I too, being an Aussie girl myself, really enjoyed a fall walk in the USA thank you You are like me my friend lacking confidence. Hope you find yours soon. I forever look for mine LOL ------------------ Through poetry my heart and soul truly sing... ~Isis~ (Daughter of Mystery) |
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Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
Nicely done!! ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
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JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
I enjoyed this very much, well done! Jenny |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Well I'm ready to go on a three day hike after reading this one. Wonderful imagery, indeed, Nature's Theatre. Keep writing the prose, Angel, you do it beautifully. Michael |
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