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Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland

0 posted 1999-11-07 01:06 AM


This was getting to be too much! Debbie was lapping up all the stories of her mother, that was so interesting!! But still, how did this Edward know her in the first place? That had never been established. It was like one of those weird dreams you have, and you wake yourself when they become too uncomfortable.
Deb glanced over at Edward, he was sweating more profusely now. His breathing somewhat shallow still. She asked of him, "Are you ok? Do you want me to walk over the sand dunes, find a tap and get you a drink somehow? Are you in pain Edward?" "Not really lass, just let me catch my breath and I shall tell you more."
he replied.
Debbie was worried, when oh when would that stupid ambulance arrive? Perhaps she should go back to the unit and ring for it herself. She couldn't believe everyone had left them, knowing he had had some sort of attack. People these days don't care like they used to.
Edward looked at Debbie, he looked at her with wonder and almost a look of pride. He thought to himself he should just get to the point, tell her all and be buggered. He 'knew' his time was nigh, and why was he 'shown' the knowlege that she was the Debbie from Beryl's past. Fancy linking up with her like that? Unbelieveable!! God must be with me for once, he thought.
"Debbie, they're passion was unrelenting, they spent every moment together and made love when they could. Beryl worshipped him and he her. They made plans for their future together. Everything was paradise in their little coastal town. Oh, people were talking but the two young lovers didn't care. Ever watchful Frank had finally worked it all out too. He thought Beryl to young to be living this way." Frank said to Beryl one evening after she arrived home from a walk on the beach with her boyfriend, "Beryl, this has got to stop. I can't be here all the time for you, you know that I have to work. But honey, please, stop sleeping with him, what if you get pregnant? I don't want to but if I have to I shall stop you from seeing him. You mother would've been so worried had she been alive to see this." He said it all with love and her best intentions only, but youth always seem to take it the wrong way. Beryl replied, "You are just jealous, I have someone to love and you don't! Nothing you can say or do will stop me from seeing him, NOTHING!" She went into her room and slammed and locked the door. Frank sighed, he didn't want to be the bad one in all this, but what else could he do. She would end up getting pregnant or hurt by this boy and he would have another endless problem to deal with. If only Catherine were alive, she always knew how to handle these things. His tender hearted bride would have managed this situation along with many others that had arisen since her death. Frank hung his head and cried he still missed her so."
"Frank was right, only a fortnight or so later Beryl did indeed find herself pregnant!. She went to see her boyfriend down by the docks where he worked part time on the trawlers there. She told him the news. He said what was he expected to do. They were kids, they couldn't marry. What did she do wrong? It was over and she wasn't to come looking for him again not ever. He had had his fun with her, or so it seemed to her, and he would not or could not do anything to help her. "Get rid of it!' he told her, "And make sure your old man doesn't come pounding on my door, it wasn't my fault!!" Beryl just stood on the docks crying, he went into the boat he was helping with, went below decks and she heard a resounding bang of a door being shut. Was it a door banging or her soul breaking that bang? She walked slowly home via the river, she had nowhere else to go. All the while she was sobbing and hoping he would run after her, but he never came. He never came. Near home she knew she couldn't do anything but tell Frank, what had happened. How would he react? Would he yell or even beat her?
He had never hit her of course, but this was by far the worst thing she had ever done." Edward stopped and looked at Debbie. "If only they had been older, perhaps they could've married, he did love her, he was just confused and frightened."
Edward's shallow breathing was becoming more rapid. He'd better speed the story up somewhat, or he might not finish it at all.
"To cut a long story short Debbie, Frank went mental, confided Beryl for 9 months to the house. When the baby girl (you) came along on July 7 you were put up for adoption. Your father had various odd jobs around the trawlers and eventually went to sea on one of them. He left Tin Can Bay without a word to Beryl. She never saw him again." Edward groaned then as a stabbing pain hit his chest. A pain so strong and furious it was like it was ripping his whole chest cavity apart. Debbie said,
"Oh my God, Edward! Where is the bloody ambulance. What can I do to help you, I don't know what to do!!" She was panicking. What do you do for a heart attack victim, she knew CPR but he hadn't stopped breathing. "Here, lie down, put your head in my lap." she said. "Oh God, he moaned, "Oh God, Debbie help me! Debbie I told you all this for a reason!" His body was rigid with pain, he was a grey colour. "Hold on Edward, please hold on, talk to me some more, don't think about the pain!" she said so helplessly towards him.
He looked up at her and said, "Debbie I am that 17 year old boy, I am your father! I didn't know it was you, I never knew, until before when God told me. He showed me the truth and you. You my beautiful daughter, tell Beryl I love her still, I never stopped. I..." He was gasping for breath now the pain was consuming him. "I thank God he showed me this, gave.... me... this.. last...gift...........of......... love.......my.......only....child..."
Debbie wasn't even that surprised, her heart had worked it out half way through the story. "Daddy? Don't go, don't leave me, please Daddy. I love you too!" she said with tears pouring down her face, dripping onto her father. "Daddy please?" she sobbed.
He looked up at her, another pain, seized him, there was no relief, he couldn't breath.
"Debbie my child, know I love you mother still and I..... love......you.............I" and with that he didn't draw another breath. He was gone. "Daddy oh Daddy don't go!! Please? NO!" Debbie scrambled round and tried to give him CPR bawling all the while, "Daddy come on breath, please, breath!" she begged him over and over. In the distance she finally heard the wail of the ambulance that came too late. "Daddy?" But he was gone, to the Lord who so kindly revealed all to them both that day. She couldn't stop crying, she had gained and lost so much in the space of a couple of hours. The stranger on the beach had turned out to be her Dad and solved her ever curious heart. She had gained something today after all, a father, a history and a sense of family. At last some of the questions were answered.
The ambulance men arrived and worked on her further for a few more minutes. They announced him dead and took her name and address and phone number for information for the enquiry. She kissed him goodbye on the lips before they covered the body. She said, "I love you Daddy."
There was no doubt she knew God had blessed them both today. She watched as they covered him, put the stretcher in the ambulance, close the door, and drive off to the nearest hospital. She watched until the ambulance faded from sight. She slowly turned around. She glanced down at where she and Edward had sat. She saw something silver in the sand. A necklace of some kind. She bent down and retrieved it. It was a dolphin on a long chain. She looked at it very worn but obviously greatly loved. She turned the dolphin over looking for an inscription, and there sure enough it was. It read, "To Edward, with the love of the ages, now and always, Beryl." She smiled, caressed the dolphin, put it around her neck. With the dolphin firmly clasped in her hand, she turned and walked back up the beach, to her husband and young son.

THE END

Sorry It was so sad, even had me teary eyed. I SOOOOOOOOOOO enjoyed writing this!!


------------------
Through poetry my heart and soul truly sing...
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)


© Copyright 1999 Isis - All Rights Reserved
Watcher666
Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606

1 posted 1999-11-07 01:59 AM


This has me teary eyed.Beautiful!

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Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.

Pepper
Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079
Southern Florida
2 posted 1999-11-07 10:19 AM


This really touched me Isis.....more than you could know....

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A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extrordinaire!

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
3 posted 1999-11-07 05:13 PM


Glad you liked it so Watcher
Pepper so glad it meant so much to you as it does to me, a sort of fantasy if you will

------------------
Through poetry my heart and soul truly sing...
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)


Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
4 posted 1999-11-07 08:04 PM


Wonderful sis....truely beautiful. I had the story line figured out in the earlier parts but your trlling was gorgeous! Thankyou for dedicating it to me.
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
5 posted 1999-11-07 08:45 PM


Of course I had to dedicate it to you Marilyn, you are the reason I was in prose.
Glad you think it was ok and beautiful, that is a real compliment for little old me

------------------
Through poetry my heart and soul truly sing...
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)


For_Never
Member
since 1999-10-27
Posts 125
Cincinnati, oh, United States of America
6 posted 1999-11-08 12:45 PM


Ach, very good. I to figured it out earlier...but...it still a great story..

EAB

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
7 posted 1999-11-08 12:51 PM


So I am predictable, I failed

------------------
Through poetry my heart and soul truly sing...
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)


Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187
St. Paul, MN
8 posted 1999-11-08 06:08 PM


Failed you have not, Isis! This was a well written piece, and I'm glad I decided to read it! Grand job, I'm just glad I didn't have to torment myself by waiting, I'm unstable as it is..

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"All is gone except the will to be." - Metallica - "For Whom the Bell Tolls"

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
9 posted 1999-11-09 11:12 PM


You wanted a serious critique of this piece my sister? I loved the story, it pulled me in. The out come was predictable but that is not a bad thing. You told it in a way that kept the reader wanting more, even when they knew the ending.

As for the structure....if you are serious about writing then you need to work on it a little. I am NO expert in this area and am in the fiction workshop for that reason.

Some of your sentices could have been brought together with just a comma instead of breaking them apart with periods. Some of the paragraphing could spaced differently. This is a wonderful story my sister and you should be proud of yourself.

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
10 posted 1999-11-09 11:15 PM


Thanks Maz, I understand and appreciate your advice

------------------
Through poetry my heart and soul truly sing...
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)


JennyLee
Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461
Northwestern, NJ.
11 posted 1999-11-11 09:14 AM


Enjoyed part 4 alot Daughter of Mystery

Jenny Lee

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Love is an attempt at penetrating another being,But it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual.

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