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DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396


0 posted 1999-10-30 11:09 PM


I said goodbye to good friends today.

My life has been a string of goodbyes that would come at three year intervals. Being a military brat, I had to move every three years when my father's tour would be up. It is no coincidence that I have been with the Nature Center for three years then.

Animals have always been harder for me to say goodbye to as they have always been my best friends. They are non-judgemental and prone to giving unconditional love to those that earn their trust. With that said, my heart broke (yes, I have one) when I said it to the Black Rat snake. He is vengeful, cantankerous, and thoroughly disreputable; to others. To me he is gentle and a very dear friend.

Our hognose snake I have known for three of her four years of life. She has been refusing to eat for three weeks, since I had to stop going in on Saturdays. I went in today to say my goodbyes and saw her agitated. They had already tried to feed her and she had refused. I gave her infant mice from my fingers and she ate for me, was quite calm in fact.

I made my final rounds and listed all the things that still had to be done for them, such as turning on the tank heaters for the turtles and scraping the algae from the octagon display tanks. I visited each of my prior charges and said an individual goodbye to them. Even the salamanders seemed glad to see me.

I then said goodbye to my volunteers that worked with me on Saturdays and with a last look around, walked out the door. Thus ended the best three years of my life.

I came home and took over caring for my children so my wife could sleep for work. After they were fed, I went online and thus began the end of yet another home for me. Passions had become the one point of calm in my bi-polar life and though I feel grateful that Ron has allowed me to continue posting here, there is once again a hollow place in my soul. Passions had filled that briefly, but like a friend has told me, "Life balances out. You endure misery and suffering so others may have pleasure and joy in their lives." All my life and experience has taught me one incontrovertible fact; I am not meant to be happy.


©1999 DreamEvil

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Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©


© Copyright 1999 DreamEvil - All Rights Reserved
Lucie
Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077
Houston
1 posted 1999-10-30 11:17 PM


There have been many times that you have told me that you will be here for me always.. please allow me to do the same. Do not close me out now Scott.

Lucie

Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........
2 posted 1999-10-30 11:20 PM


Oh....I don't know what to say, I really don't. This brings tears to my eyes.......I am so sorry that things are so bad. **HUGS** You are a very good friend of mine, and I would do something to make it better if only I could...if there is anything I can ever do, please tell me

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"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-

Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244
Honea Path, SC USA
3 posted 1999-10-30 11:20 PM


Scott, goodbyes are never easy and I'm sorry you had to leave the animal friends at the Nature Center.

Regarding the goings on of Passions, I think you are on a self pity trip. Get over it. As I said, when you want a friend, you know how to reach me. This mood that you are in is just sucking the energy right out of me. I have better things to do at this time. (Sorry this sounds so mean, but I am in the middle of a seminar and we don't mince words in there). *Hugs*

caroline
Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218
http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm
4 posted 1999-10-30 11:27 PM


As I said to you...when doors close, windows open. The road you are on may be the one to happiness. Endings hold hands with beginnings...there are other animals to be cared for, and they need you too. Find them and take comfort knowing how much you help them.

You must seek out happiness...it doesn't often come looking for us. I've found it works best if I make my own. I'd hate to see you leave Passions, Dream. You contribute much with your talent.

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
5 posted 1999-10-30 11:31 PM


Remember this: this site is made up of PEOPLE -- it is nothing without them, just a few hundred blocks of code on a screen -- and though some of those PEOPLE obviously have a problem with you and/or your writing, the majority don't. I say you haven't lost your home -- you've just noticed there were a few cobwebs in the corners. You can't please everyone -- you'd be a fool to try. I say you've done the right thing by posting your work in a responsible manner and it is you, my friend, who has been wronged.

To those whom my opinion might offend: life sucks. Get a helmet.

-- A very irate Kesslynne

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You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end.


merlynh
Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411
deer park, wa
6 posted 1999-10-30 11:33 PM


I have never lost a job and not had something come along that was better. Perhaps now you'll be able to write more and maybe even find something else that will bring you joy. I wish you the best.

Merlyn

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
7 posted 1999-10-31 02:39 AM


Goodbyes are rarely that. The act of leaving is almost always bad.
Therefore my friend, it should be bad-bye.

Watcher666
Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606

8 posted 1999-10-31 04:35 AM


I'm here for you now as always brother of my heart.

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Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
9 posted 1999-10-31 06:04 AM


Dream: I don't know why I never clicked before but the mention of Bi-polar says much to me..I have a friend with that condition and her mood is much like yours but I accept her nonetheless, up or down, happy or sad..

This can be seen as a new beginning for you and not an end...their are two sides to your nature, the passionate and the pain...I prefer the passionate but one often causes the other...so, what I am saying is that you're still here and you have many people that care about you, focus on that..

HUGS

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You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.


JennyLee
Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461
Northwestern, NJ.
10 posted 1999-10-31 07:26 AM


Scott,You have given me courage to post work that I never would've before meeting you,I Must echo what Caroline says..when a door closes..a new window of opportunity opens..
Many Blessings Dear Man!!

Jenny Lee

[This message has been edited by JennyLee (edited 10-31-1999).]

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
11 posted 1999-10-31 09:41 AM


Scott,
Your presence will be sadly missed here in prose. You did a fine job as moderator on the site. I look forward to your continued postings though.
Ruth

poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646
Arkansas
12 posted 1999-10-31 02:25 PM


Dream, in all honesty, I have only heard rumors of what it was that you posted that started all of this...I didn't get to read it before it was pulled. I'm not sure how I would have reacted to the content, or the story you wrote of. As you know, I find some of your work to be quite "breathtaking", and at times I find some of it to be quite alarming and forward. That however doesn't mean that I stop calling you "friend". We simply have different tastes in what we like to read and write. I know at times some of what I write in Adult is offensive in your eyes, however, we just choose to not reply, if that's the case. I have to respect Ron's wishes however, if he deems it necessary to set "limits"....this is his forum...he is the creator of this place in which so many can thrive and enjoy. I do hope you continue to particiapte here, however, if you feel it necessary to move on to a place that is more accepting of graphic poetry, then maybe that would be better for you, so that you can continue to share your ideas with a group that is somewhat more forgiving....? Some will overlook anything, others do not and see reason to "pick & choose". I no doubt would have found this piece to be quite alarming and not to my liking, however, since I have not read it myself...I am at this point staying nuetral, I have faith that others will decide accordingly what needs to be said and done to handle this appropriately. If you choose to go, know that you will remain my friend, and in my prayers. May you choose to find the happiness you see as naught. Best of Luck Dream. Gennifer

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~~ Lift your head high - spread your "words" and fly - - poetFemmeFatale


poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646
Arkansas
13 posted 1999-10-31 02:34 PM


I just read over the "Rules, Policies, and Disclaimers" of the forum....If the nature of this poem was "abusive"....with torture, mutilation, etc. it would probably violate these rules. Therefore, Ron really does have the right to pull it and do what he feels necessary. Although it was posted in Adult, I'm not sure if the rules are different in there...I'd have to check back on that....??? I should probably refresh my memory for my own sake, so that I myself don't step over the "line".....it could happen to any one of us...

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~~ Lift your head high - spread your "words" and fly - - poetFemmeFatale


DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396

14 posted 1999-10-31 02:53 PM


Straight up, I have no qualms with the decision made to pull the piece. In fact, when I was made aware there was a serious complaint over the piece, I read Izzy's reply and immediately sent an e-mail asking Ron to delete the entire thread. Unfortunately, my awareness of the complaint came too late.

As explanation for the above piece, I had written all but the last paragraph at the Nature Center I used to work at. The last paragraph was added, not to announce any withdrawal from Prose but to state what I did not feel.

Just to set things straight, I am leaving neither Passions nor Prose.

------------------
Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©


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