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My Day At The DMV
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My Day At The DMV |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California 
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My Day At The DMV Proficiency is lacking. Integrity shot. Life lulls itself into a puddle of perpetual nothingness. Time, ever so insignificant is rendered numb. Consciousness fades in and out as dreams of a distant reality fade across the shadows of once crisp minds, but which now are not much other than the conglomerate dung heap of society. The mangy horde shifts with a stifling groan, that of the dead awakening. A glimmer of hope, a glimpse of sunlight on the polar regions of Hopelessness and Despair, then once more, Darkness blankets all in intrinsic death. Smiling faces crumble in ashen disgust. Posture gives way to slacking disposition. Eyes, once glowing with vibrant emotion, now proffer the dismal void of lost aspiration till once again the word "next" sounds with all the glory of Gabriel's trumpet and for one fleeting moment all is right in the world. And so comes to pass, being processed in such credulous manner, the grim truth that I am merely a numbered ping pong ball in the lottery bowl of disgruntled government workers while somewhere on the outside the sun of a beautiful Autumn day slips into oblivion, utterly symbolizing the erasure of all hope, the ultimate condemnation of man. A wry smile skims her way across dry parched lips, a light bulb shining in the abandoned nether regions of mental stability, for it is here a single thought originates, it is here chance perpetuates, and it is here I become solely aware of the one reality society cannot extenuate...Today, now, at this very moment, I am already dead. ------------------ Michael Anderson And after-drunkeness of soul Succeeds the glory of the bowl - An idle longing night and day To dream my very life away EAP [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 10-29-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Michael Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Very well worded- however I don't understand what you meant in the last line- I feel I am missing something very important to the piece- please explain. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I love a piece that I have to read several times in order to catch it all! Great job Michael. One question though. The final paragraph. Was it meant to be two run on sentences. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Alright, well let me see here, Sys: What I am trying to convey in the last line, and i.e. the entire last paragraph is while the beauty of life is slipping away, I am for the most part "already dead" not experiencing it but rather conforming to the rules and demands of government and society. Now, Marilyn, I am obviously aware of the form I wrote this in, (please forgive me if that sounded vein). however, being new to prose I am not sure if I broke some rules of etiquette here, please enlighten me if I have. If not, what is the nature of your question? Let me just add that run on sentences are frequent in poetry readings out here in CA, they even have contests to complete an entire poem in one sentence with a minimum number of words...I kinda like this, actually. Is this not acceptable? ------------------ Michael Anderson And after-drunkeness of soul Succeeds the glory of the bowl - An idle longing night and day To dream my very life away EAP [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 10-29-1999).] |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
This is quite an accurate depiction of the drudgery that is exhibited by employess and customers of the DMV. I find it humorous in the extreme, though that may just be my mood. About the last paragraph, generally run-on sentences are frowned upon when writing prose. It makes a nice, neat progression of chopped up ideas that seem to cause difficulty in some. Editors, I am told, dislike them. Myself, if it is grammatically correct and punctuation is also correct, I like run-on sentences. I would add that breaking up a sentence into smaller ones can make a piece flow easier as where one thought ends and another begins is harder to distinguish than in poetry. All that being said, I like the run-on sentences in this piece for the dragging effect they have, which itself perfectly symbolizes the endless queues formed by bureaucratic red tape. ------------------ Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© |
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PhaerieChild Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787Aloha, Oregon |
Sounds like one of my days last week when I had to take my youngest son to get his license. What an awful waste of a gorgeous day. ------------------ If you love me like music, I'll be your song. ~Heart~ Dreamboat Annie |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Well I guess I came back to late to answer your question Michael. Dream said it all. I love the use of the run on sentinces in this piece. It adds to the flavor. As Deam stated however, it is frowned upon when writing prose. I am sorry if I insulted you, that was not intended. The run on sentences really stuck out to me and I was wondering if it was to create this effect. (I had assumed as much but I hate making an ass of myself) |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
hehe Marilyn, you didn't make an "ass" of yourself! LOL You asked a reasonable question - that's all. hehe You'll find that Michael doesn't like to be told what to do !! hehehe Boy, are we gonna have fun when WE get together! LOL Just kidding babe! LOL Anyway, don't worry about it....Dream answered it appropriately - - you are certainly allowed to ask questions....LOL If Michael gets "snappy", you just let me know, and I'll "jerk" him into a dark "room" and straighten him out...I know his weaknesses!! I can change his tone REAL quick! Michael, I really liked the depth of your thoughts in this....and yes, I agree with what was said above, the long sentence at the end was the icing on the cake...it did make it "feel" more mmmm.....well, it made your emotion of fatigue and aggrivation stand out! Accented the mood you were trying to portray, if you will....You know what I'm trying to say - - sigh....  Thanks for a great read - and be nice now....Jesus is watching you !!  HE IS !!!------------------ ~~ Lift your head high - spread your "words" and fly - - poetFemmeFatale [This message has been edited by poetFemmeFatale (edited 10-30-1999).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Dream stole my ROFLMAO!!!!!!! I have walked in your shoes on this my friend! I A B H O R the DMV...prolly the only reason I have a clean driving record! Well written, (run on run on run on run on run on sentances notwithstanding! )oh, and Michael...it's VAIN... |
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Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
LOL....Next to the DMV, chinese water torture and bamboo under the nails are my favorite way to spend a day.Enjoyed this much! ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Touche', Chris, guess were even for the s'not thing, huh? Glad you got a kick out of this. Femme, if it means I get to be in a dark room with you well I'll be snappy a lot more often. Marilyn, I was not offended at all, just ignorant in the realm of prose. My own personal lack of education I find frustrating at times. I do apologize if I sounded "snappy". Dream, I thank you for your clarification, glad I got a laugh out of you. Watcher, indeed the DMV lacks nothing in the realm of torture. Thank you all for your comments. Michael [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 10-30-1999).] |
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