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Dragoness
Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513


0 posted 1999-10-04 07:29 AM


I don't know why I bother to try and sleep at night, a total waste of time. Night, when all the demons come out. Long dead friends or enemies whom wish to finish in death what they began in life. All manner of creatures kind and cruel. But, I have to be up early in the morning. I have had about 3 hours sleep on the last 4 days. Not good by some peoples estimate, but my usual. And tomorrow is an important day.

So sleeping I try. Nothing to eat right before I go to bed. Nothing to read, just off to bed and sleep, I hope! The dogs are on the bed as usual. I truly think they think it's their due. I've convinced myself that they let me sleep in my own bed just to give them the excuse to be able to whine that there isn't enough room. And whine they do. Each has his own place. Mine is clinging to the edge. But I digress. Sleeping or lack of.

I think I fell asleep quickly enough, no tossing and turning tonight. This is never a good sign. I've come to know the bad signs, after years of doing this they become very clear. They say you dream just before you wake. Well if that’s true then my dreams are a living Hell. I dream most of the night. I suffer from night terrors. Those type of dreams where you find yourself sleeping but can't wake up from them. I can think of nothing worse than not being able to escape the nightmare world in which you're
.
Tonight would be no different. I'm a night owl by necessity. If you can't sleep at night, work them. I've been on the night shift for the past 20 years. Might as well make money while I'm awake. It sure beats being fire because your so tired you can't think during the day. Now if I can only convince the rest of the world about this. I'm not afraid of the dark. Rather I embrace it. I've seen the worst it can do, and believe me, it's nothing to what your mind can do.

It started in it's usual affair, sweet peaceful, the kind of dreams I long to have. This last for approximately 30 seconds, then the terror begins. It's always the same, an intruder, brightly shining knife and me. It has never mattered where I am physically. The scenery changes, but the players are always the same. I've had this dream since childhood, even told my family about it, this of course got me a quick trip to the Doctor's office, all to no avail. He still comes.

I've never seen his face, but I know it's he. I can sense him, feel him, almost smell his scent. I've learned to keep him all to myself. He doesn’t like for others to know about him. Just makes him angrier. Oh yes, he is very well aware of when I talk about him. He becomes more violent, insidious, terrifying. And I'm his only target. It's in his voice when he calls my name. He knows who I am. And he wants me dead.

I've never figured out why. I guess it really doesn't matter. I've been told to "ride out the dream". I think not! It's hard to ride out being stabbed to death each and every night. Being chased from room to room, calmly waiting for the dream to end. I really don’t want to know if I've been right all these years. If he's going to kill me I should follow this to conclusion?

About the time he finally catches me, the knife starts to fall is when I manage to wake myself. I have found myself fighting with pillows, walls and the worst the mirrors at the head of the bed. Try explaining to family why you've got cuts and bruises all over. No one believes how can they. I believe. I live this night after night. The terror, sweating, racing heart and worse no sleep. It seems not to bother the dogs though. They have learned to take my writhing and fighting in stride.

So here's the dream in its entirety. The room is dark, but moon lit (was there a moon last night?) I can see myself sleeping in the bed (do I really look like that asleep/) the dogs surrounding me. Peacefully, serene calmly, no sounds to be heard. There's the creak as the front door opens, softly but discernible from the night sounds. He enters, quietly walking towards the bedroom. Not even the dogs can sense his presence (strange the dogs don't sense him.) Steadily he comes closer. In my 'sleep' I sense the change. Awakening, I think, I look to see what's changed, nothing as far as I can tell in this dream world. I turn to look about the room. The shadows hide him well.

As I start to return to sleep he creeps closer to the bed. He watched me for awhile, then he pulls the knife. Brightly shining, as if new, or so well loved. He raises it high over his head for the death plunge. I sense him again and wake to see him and the knife. The chase is on. I fight him back and race through the rooms of the house (was there always a door there?) Until I'm cornered (I don't remember this wall.) Now I know I'm asleep. I start the 1-2-3 wake-up chant, it doesn’t work, closer he comes. I can smell his scent, moldy, old and deadly. I start fighting to wake up, he knows what I'm trying to do, but calmly he moves closer. After all he has to whole night to finish his work.

I bang on the walls hit myself anything, but please let me wake-up! Sitting bolt upright in the bed, covered in sweat breathing as if I've just run the marathon I'm thankfully awake. I reach to turn the light on. Damn the bulb blew! I get out of bed and go to the bathroom, as I switch on the light he grabs my arm. Damn! That sinking feeling. I'm still asleep! I pound on the bathroom mirror trying to get it to break it finally shatters and now I'm truly awake. The dogs are licking my face ready to start the day. And once again the night has won. I'm awake for the night.

So to the computer I go. Hoping to find at least one person to talk to. Someone, for whom the night is sanctuary. Someone who can understand the shadows and the peace of the night.Read a little poetry at the forum, do a little shopping online. Anything, anything a at all. I know he's waiting though, he always is. One night I won't wake. I wonder if this is what happens when you die in your sleep?


------------------
Set you heart free and your mind will follow.


© Copyright 1999 Dragoness - All Rights Reserved
Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........
1 posted 1999-10-04 01:56 PM


Oh God.....to have such dreamsmust be terrifying.....I was on edge just reading about it.....whether this was true or not, I am not the judge.......but it was very well written.

------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-

DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396

2 posted 1999-10-04 10:03 PM


Sister mine, I am always here.

------------------
Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©


Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
3 posted 1999-10-04 10:35 PM


EGAD!!!!!
Severn is my soul mate, but you dragoness, must be my soul sister! I KNOW this! Demons haunt me at every turn, howling for my life's blood!
I know what you speak of!
I am here to, should you ever need a friend...or a brother.

Oh, almost forgot, was so excited!
Awesome piece! I was riveted too, a "page" turner if you will!
I am eagerly awaiting to hear more of your demons!

JennyLee
Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461
Northwestern, NJ.
4 posted 1999-10-04 11:15 PM


I see that your talents exceed what I even imagined. You are very talented!

Jenny

Dragoness
Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513

5 posted 1999-10-05 01:07 AM


Thank-You all.Unfortunately this is a nightly occurence.Hence I don't sleep nights often.Thanks for reading.Christopher,I can always use another brother.Welcome to the family!

------------------
Set you heart free and your mind will follow.



[This message has been edited by Dragoness (edited 10-10-1999).]

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
6 posted 1999-10-07 01:03 AM


How hard to have such vivid dreams EVERY night!!
I have a few recurrent nightmares that are enough for me, Nuclear war, or the death of everyone I love, they probably are just insecurities I think.
Ever tried a dream catcher? The power of positive, true positive thoughts can do wonders..
Have you tried the picture a happy place routine as you fall asleep? Probably.
Just so sorry for the constant nightmare hon, sleep should be a vacation not a horror movie.

------------------
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny, compared to what lies within us.
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)


merlynh
Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411
deer park, wa
7 posted 1999-10-09 10:11 PM


I Am sorry I had to stop reading before I fell asleep myself. Something about your writing just pulled me in.
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
8 posted 1999-10-10 04:23 AM


merlynh said:
quote:
I Am sorry I had to stop reading before I fell asleep myself. Something about your writing just pulled me in


Could you clarify that a bit please/
To me it sounds almost as if you were saying that reading this bored you. If this is the case, I would suggest not posting a response. If you have somethign constructive to say, then please say it, but try to avoid "bashing." It is a sign of insecure unintelligence and not tolerated.
If I have misunderstood, then please be so kind as to re-word your response to make it a little clearer.
Thank you, Christopher

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
9 posted 1999-10-13 10:30 AM


Wow, an incredible piece of writing and one I can relate to
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