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Internet Love: Rant Part Two
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Internet Love: Rant Part Two |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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Thank you all for your wonderful replies, so here goes Internet Love; Rant Part Two. (If you haven't read Part One, you may want to consider doing so, seeing as how some references are made to both the post as well as a few of the responses. The first issue I want to address now is in response to Isis, who said: quote: A valid concern. If there is to be any romantic/intimate relationship, there at some time must be an actual meeting. But, IMHO, relationships and love don't necessarily have to be intimate. Now between severn and I, there is that hope, and there will soon be an actual meeting. However, I have many friends who I may never meet, but whom remain dear to me nonetheless. And though I would dearly like to meet Dream Evil, poet deVine, Nan, hoot_owl_run, Michael, poetfemmefatal, Ron, Rainbow Girl, WhtDove, etc, (there's a REALLY long list!)  just to see the faces behind the words, if I never do it will be fine. They are my friends irreguardless and I love them as such.And regarding people's feelings being hurt, well to tell the truth that seems a bit cynical. I may be misinterpreting what you mean, but it seems as if you believe that any such relationship is doomed to fail, so "get it over with" as soon as possible. But let's consider this: Wouldn't you rather come to love someone and them you, before you are forced to deal with the requirements of a physical relationship. In such a way, you can have a better chance of knowing whether or not you will be compatible. Now don't misunderstand, forming a new physical relationship is something to be cherished and enjoyed. But how much better it would be, if you could explore each other physically, already secure in the knowledge that you care for their mind, and they yours, without the influences of money, looks, social status, etc. Society has a tendency to place too much emphasis on physicality, while touting the importance of loving someone for who they are. Women especially bear the brunt of this particular assault. They are raised looking at and expected to meet certain physical requirements. It is subtly suggested that if they aren't as skinny, or don't have the classic beauty of, or wear the right clothing as these hundreds of models who look like a certain ideal, then they are less desirable. This seems to spawn an outbreak of women who feel as if for some reason they are inferior when not meeting this erroneous ideal. I have personally not known one woman who was not at least a little concerned with her appearance, thought she was too fat sometimes, didn't have the right nose, etc. There was a recent article in my local newspaper on the subject of appearances. As it was told to me, in the United States, upward of fifteen BILLION dollars was spent last year alone on plastic surgery. Over 87% of the recipients were women. Over 65% of those women were under the age of twenty-one. Well then what does that say? It tells me that there is entirely too much emphasis on physical appearance. A good looking person might be a lot of fun if you're interested in a purely physical relationship. However, as soon as that relationship goes past that point, (as is virtually inevitable,) it transcends to the realms of the emotional and mental. Yet what to do if you find yourself bound in a relationship which started on appearance and sexual desire as opposed to someone's heart and mind? Relationships based on sex will rarely work. So what is an answer to that? Certainly, two people can meet and become friends first, explore each other mentally and emotionally before progressing to the sexual level. I think this is a highly commendable pursuit, but one of which I must admit, is far beyond me. I am after all human and male. I am driven in part by my hormones. I can't help it if I find a person attractive, to have at least some thoughts in that direction. It can be a deterrent in knowing someone purely for who they are rather than how they look. It is not an inherently bad thing, it just is. Like anything else, how we choose to use and respond to our urges determines whether they are a good or bad thing. I have just peeked at a few more responses, and want to add a couple of things. 1: I am in no way saying that everyone should meet online. I still believe in the good-old-fashioned-meet-someone-at-a-bar type of relationship. (Actually a bar is probably a bad idea...bars are usually just "meat markets.") I am only defending and trying to explain to those that might have reservations, that meeting someone and forming a relationship with them online is just as good, if not better than in person. Granted, there are no guaranties that a relationship made online, but neither is there one for relationships started in person. (However, you are more likely to notice an incompatibility through an online relationship that hasn't become intimate before feelings are hurt, as opposed to a face-to-face relationship.) If you want a guarantee, go to Sears, if you want to enjoy life, look elsewhere. 2:Someone, I promised I wouldn't say who, questioned regarding child molesters, perverts, psychos in general. Quote: "There is a big concern for people who meet online. You don't know what kind of lunatic they might be." Again, another valid point. My response to this is that you don't know that the person isn't a lunatic. But neither do you know if that person your friend just introduced you to at the party isn't either. Just because you see their face doesn't mean they are good people. My point is this: You can choose to live a sheltered life, tucked away in your home for you entire life -or- you can take chances. There are no sure things. If you want to try your hand at love, first you must open yourself to the possibility of being hurt. You have to take the proverbial dive in to the cold water. Sometimes you WILL get hurt. Pain is an inevitable fact of life. There is no way around it. It is up to each individual to decide whether or not they will take that plunge. And I stand by the belief that you can not know a person any better through face to face communication than you can through the written word. There are many people out there who are more than capable of disguising their feelings. You can have the most perceptive eye in the world and still not know that they are lying. There are people who study the study of expressions, in order to train themselves to betray on ly that which they wish to, or be completely deceptive simply by their body language. As a whole, we as a people are becoming more and more facile as each day passes at hiding ourselves from each other. As the pains of standard survival are now paling, we come up with defenses for new pains. Those defenses are to hide ourselves form others, so that they can't hurt us. I for one am tired of hiding. I have finally found someone whom I can open up completely to. And you know what? It doesn't hurt as badly as one might think... in fact, it's a big relief to have someone who I can confide wholly in. OK, I kind of went off the point, but that's fine, t's still related. Thank you for listening to me as I ramble. I really do believe this is something that needs to be explored, both for the comfort of those already involved and as information to those considering it. Please, I ask you to discuss this with friends, relatives, husbands whatever. Like any prejudice, this can only be beaten through knowledge. Christopher |
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Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
Well done Christopher! It doesm't nor should it matter how or where you "meet". Good wriiting! ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Christopher you seem to have addressed each issue I had intended to reply with. Well thought out and well done, my friend. I agree of course. Rant on. ------------------ Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
all I have to say to this is......AMEN! ------------------ "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Well. I have, for once, nothing to add! You said it all dear. Beating, beating, beating...will I never win...????Seriously though, this is fantastic. (Now I am armoured against those skeptical friends of mine...!) (Miss you) K |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Okay okay - I have to display my ignorance: What on earth does IMHO mean?! I've been trying to figure it out, I assume (pronounced a-shume btw Chris ) it has something to do with In My ? Opinion? If I'm wrong, (which would be rare, hahahahahah, then enjoy the victory!!!! |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Chris, you summed it up very well here. I am honored you call me friend, and I hold your friendship in high regard, also. About PAIN, well that is a given, but at least in my case I can say that all the pain I could possibly be submitted to can't hold a light near the joy I have found in my "Internet Love" with Femme. I, personally thank you for sharing this piece with all of us. Oh, and Severn, IMHO = In My Humble Opinion ------------------ Michael Anderson The coldest lies are often told in silence. [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 10-04-1999).] |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I also agree with your statements Christopher. One thing I have to say is this. I have found someone via the internet. A man that is my soul mate. He lives not as far away as your love but far enough that a meeting is hoped for but most likely and imposiblity. For this my heart grieves. We are both single parents and struggle just to get by. I love him in the depths of my soul but we both have to be happy. I would love for him to wait for me but possibly years of longing I could never expect. I want him to be happy, that is my hearts wish. So I am his friend and comforter as he is mine. If he were to meet someone RL, I would ache but his happiness comes before my pain. We will always be there for eachother on a level that we both can accept and handle. My prayer is that he will still be free the day I meet him but I can not loose grip on reality and circumstance. I guess that is my rant. [This message has been edited by Marilyn (edited 10-04-1999).] |
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JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
May I echo the word AMEN ? Jenny |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Smiles...I think you know my feelings on internet love but do rant on Chris as I'm looking forward to more |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Thank you everyone. Just to inform, Internet Love; Rant part Three is due out next week! |
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