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roxane
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505
us

0 posted 1999-10-02 12:40 PM


it's 12:18 pm. i am officially another year older and it feels stale.
today is my birthday. it won't really be celebrated in any fashion that i would consider appropiate. presents and baubbles and junk. i got some flowers from my mom and twenty dollars from her boyfriend.
in the morning i'll head to work like any other day, and waste away slowly underneath heat lamps and fried foods. maybe someone there will utter the hollow "happy birthday". i'll express my half-hearted gratitude and we'll lapse back into a routine. maybe someone will bring me some trivial material thing and i'll be so happy for it and give them the biggest hug. because i always wanted whatever they gave me and material possesions make me whole.
i'll come home, greasy and tired to a house full of friends and an unfinished book report. we'll stay up all night doing whatever, never thinking for one minute that something significant happened, because it didn't. it's just another stupid day of a calender year.
i thought today that anything that touches your hands is worthless. a present is a present, flowers wilt and money gets spent.
something that touches your heart, or your soul, or even your senses is worth more. support. a poem. an "I love you". a song. a thought.
that's all i want. i want empathy and love. i'm so sick of my life and all the years that go by that i've secretly dreaded this day for the last four years. i love my friends so much and i know that i am so selfish to want these things when they have gone out and bought stuff for me with their hard earned money. i just have an ideal that never gets achieved.
i'll laugh with them in the morning, but fear the approaching silence. i'll eat cake and pizza and what have you, but all the while, my insides are dead. they can't be replenished by some earthly food. i can't help it. i wish that i could. i would never be moody or sad.
oh well.
happy birthday to me. another pointless year.
perhaps it's all just waiting for the end.
at least, that's what i hope.



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"Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens


roxane


© Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396

1 posted 1999-10-02 04:59 AM


The despair is palpable in this piece, as is the apathy. I remember several years worth of days like this. Well portrayed.

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Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©


Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
2 posted 1999-10-02 02:45 PM


Ikes!
Chin up!
S'not all that bad is it!
Smiles then, for today I've no wish to dwell in the darkness, though this piece was well phrased!

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