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Sunday |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
This that I am posting now is just from a letter, well, more than a letter, but I thought that I would get a response before I post any prose that means a great deal to me. .....I don't know. The pain of life has become tangible, and I can see more clearly the fog encompassing me. I'm hurt, and I sob like its nourishment. I ellude myself. At first I thought that I could be simply disgusted with my appearance. Now, I'm utterly nauseous. I have a burned arm and a bruised face. I don't want to be at school among the pretty ones. I'm listless. I have no desire to recount to you all the insults that I've been dealt lately. I know I don't have the stomach or the mind for it. I just have random, pathetic thoughts which others use to destroy me easily. I know, walking alone, being brave, in a world I never asked for or tried to adopt, how alone I really am. I tire of seeing the same face in the mirror. The same existing matter. A lump of flesh. Sounds in cavernous ears, your quivering lips ripe with hypocritical words. I think. I see. I believe all the things about me to be here, to constantly confirm themselves over and over and perpetuate a life without rewards, but.... I think perhaps without such things, happiness is quite possible, and charity is involuntary. There is not one speck of dirt to make disease. There is no ignorance to make war. There is no love. You see, I want to leave the earth and return to the ground. I would rather do this than to become like you, which I fear may happen if I keep treating you with such deference. I never want to be one of those girls who raves over every book we read in English when they reach the twentieth or so page. They open it, sigh, clutch it to their chest, and open it again. It's like a high school romance. You claim you love Remarque, act like he's Sartre, but do you know either? I have to say, it leaves me at loss for words. ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
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| © Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
It seems to me that this in fact might mean a great deal to you. If this is relevant to your life right now, I know that it's a hard thing to be 'yourself' around peers - especially in a school environment. It takes courage, real courage. I like your words roxane. Writing really helps, doesn't it?! |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
thanks for reading and replying. i feel like i can post just about anything now and not get made fun of. it's exciting to think of what all things i can learn and share just from being around people like you. ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
I'm truly glad you feel this way. ------------------ Pain is life, life is short, I will endure. DreamEvil© |
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