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DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396


0 posted 1999-09-01 04:24 PM


My return to Darkness is perhaps the second most pleasurable thing that has ever occurred in my life. Paradoxically, the most pleasurable thing in my life is responsible for my return to Darkness. In a roundabout way I suppose I should be thankful for that glimpse into what others have in their life. Small comfort but at least I know what I have been missing throughout my life. Now I know what I have been missing and alter course to avoid the same pleasure and misfortune that caused this.

I have been told that the Dark is cold and sterile, devoid of joy or hope or pleasure. Of course, I have been told this by people that have never lived in the Dark, only lived on the outskirts of it. Darkness is peace and tranquility, stillness and sweet relief from the ravages of the Light. For those of you who deny the destructiveness of the Light, let's review shall we? First off, in a world of predators anyone that sticks their hand into the fire is liable to get it bitten off. That's fine since the heat of the fire will cauterize the stump of trust and feeling that is left. The light blinds and hurts my eyes as badly as the Dark because of its illuminations. You can argue that being in the Dark gives greater contrast to the Light which in turn is more blinding. I agree with that wholeheartedly but look at the other side of it; the Dark does not hurt those that live in the Light when they look at it. It is quiet and untroubled by the rigor and tribulations of the Light. Darkness surrounds with warmth and compassion like the womb.

I will not waste my time in asking someone to explain the Light to me; I understand it well enough. I do not think that the rewards of the Light justify the amount of pain and suffering required gaining them. Most of my life I have wanted nothing more from people than to be left alone; they never have. That is the cause of most of my pain. I would have people on one side trying to extol the virtues of the Light and pull me into it's embrace while others would burn me the moment I set foot out of the shadows. I will not live in such dichotomy and to expect such from me is indicative of a blatant unconcern on the part of the one advocating such. Fact; the Light hurts me.

The intriguing and deceptively difficult part is keeping passion alive in my heart. Difficult because I have little experience with forgiveness and because passion is fed by our desires. I am more than up to the challenge of balancing the closing of my heart and the passion raging inside it. The largest obstacle to overcome, at this point, will be integrating my newfound friendships and love within the framework of my regular depression and the renewed intensity of my yearly bout with Seasonal Affective Disorder. Since it is the dropping light level, which brings it on, and I cannot abide the light because of other reasons, it becomes extremely difficult to control.

I would further suggest that people consider the reality of the Dark. There is a vast difference between the Dark and Evil; they are just associated too closely within the human psyche for most people to see the distinction. I will not attempt to show that distinction, nor will I explain it. The lack of understanding in people is not my responsibility to rectify. I would though suggest that the Light is what blinds people to those differences as its glare extends far beyond its boundaries. The Dark is an exploration of human pain and suffering to its limits, whereas Evil is the causing of that pain and the reveling in the miasma of misery that is the result of it. The Dark can be summed up by a statement from Nietzsche, "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." Unfortunately, the Dark kills as many as it comforts, or to be more precise, the perception of the Dark kills.

As with anything else, if you can't stand to see the things thriving in the Dark, don't stand so close trying to peer in. The Dark doesn't treat voyeurs kindly. Madness is the result of those that treat the Dark as a tourist attraction


©1999 DreamEvil


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Life is pain is poetry, at least I'll be productive.
DreamEvil©


© Copyright 1999 DreamEvil - All Rights Reserved
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
1 posted 1999-09-01 08:06 PM


There is one thing that came to mind here in the beginning. The dark being peaceful. As I see it in a way I can agree with this. In the light there is movement, hurry and people. At night things are still and quiet and peaceful, there is no bustle of movement. Am I perceiving this right, even kind of?
I think you have explained yourself your quite clearly here. I know I am as guilty as charged. At first I didn't know, and I didn't understand. But I am trying. You have every right to feel as you do! I don't think it is a lack of respect for what you feel, that people try to pull you into the "light", as much as a lack of knowledge in where it is that you're coming from. I don't know what else to say really, except I respect this, these feelings that you have. And respect the person you are as you are, and will not try to change that. One more thing to add. You seem to be at peace with this. Are you? I guess it is us that finds it difficult to live with. To us, it must be hell to live in a world that we see differently as darkness. If you are at peace with this Dream then so be it. We have only to accept that. What matters is you are at peace my friend. And that I can accept!

[This message has been edited by WhtDove (edited 09-01-99).]

Gentle Soul
Member
since 1999-07-12
Posts 273
Vinton,Ohio USA
2 posted 1999-09-01 08:46 PM


Well, brother.. I dont know how to reply.. other than I do agree with WhtDove.. that as long as you are at peace.. thats all that matters.. I care about you.. you are my big brother and best friend.. Always and Forever

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Gënt£ë¤§°û£


The Forgotten Lady
New Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 6
Columbia, MO, USA
3 posted 1999-09-01 09:26 PM


I know what I think about it, but in the sake of diplomacy, I won't say anything but I don't like it.

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I once was a dream lady, but now I'm forgotten

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
4 posted 1999-09-01 09:27 PM


Echo the above, and add:
Perhaps maddness too, is misconstrued. I see my maddness, as a balance. I walk the path that delineates the darkness and the light. It is in that grey area that I find my peace. For true peace for me could never be found by consistantly dwelling in one or the other place. I see beauty in the light, and beauty in the dark. But in both, I also find evil.
Darkness has been given rather a bad rap, because it is the domain of murderers and thieves. But what most people fail to realize, is that in balance, the light is home to traitors and cowards. As to anything, I find that the balance is the most desirable habitat for insanity such as mine.
DE: This is well written (of course) and I appreciate you frank manner. I also appreciate that while you pronounce your reasons, you do not denigrate those of unlike mind. Bravo dark soul, live on in your peace, and beware the darkness not from without, but from within! It is the most dangerous of all the traits we posess.

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A philosopher is a dead poet and a dying theologian.
-Roger Zelazny-



[This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 09-01-99).]

~one voice~
Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664
Billings, MT USA
5 posted 1999-09-02 05:09 AM


Interesting way to look at it... I'm not quite sure how to reply either... Dark... Light... What if you exist somewhere in between?

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~onevoice~

"She looked at her life
like lines, never-ending,
constantly forming,
reforming and bending."



Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
6 posted 1999-09-02 07:59 AM


Summed up nicely, DreamEvil.
Indeed, darkness can be a reflection of evils done against one - that doesn't make the darkness an evil.

Michael

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