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The Song
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The Song |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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She had lived four lives, she felt, at her age. She had lived the life of a child, with her parents in control, obeying them, learning, listening, wondering who she would be when she grew up. She remembered some childhood moments, some “unforgettable times” and holidays, of course. She remembered how her dad’s “Old Spice” had smelled on him, and how her mother’s “Chanel No. 5” smelled on her. She could recall tactile moments, the touch of silk, the feel of her father’s handkerchief upon her runny nose, and sweet cherry ice cream. And she remembered “You are my Sunshine.” The second part of her life was a blur. It basically began at the time of her engagement, during her first year of college, when she was 17. Things were happening so fast. She knew back then that she was an insecure, young thing, and yes, she had thought she had known love before, but to what extent? Not that which she felt for the young man that had walked into her life that Thanksgiving day of 1968! She knew she didn’t want to be insecure, but her actions spoke louder and faster than her mind could keep up…all of the while one part of her mind was telling the other part of her mind to shut up, shut up! She recalled thinking that if she didn’t take this young man seriously, because he said he loved her, then she would probably never be loved. She knew he would change her life. Too bad she didn’t know that not all change is good. In hindsight only would she learn that one needs to love oneself first, and she had not accomplished that at 17 young years of age. And she remembered “All You Need Is Love”. Then it was the wedding, and the move to another state, and two children spaced some years apart, the second baby coming only to try to keep the marriage together. Is that why the young mother loved the littler one so? Did she look at the second child as a sacrifice to something long lost? Never mind, she would tell herself. She loved both of her children equally, but differently. And those dreary years of robbing Peter to pay Paul because her husband wasn’t the man she had dreamed of, but a boy who would play at Peter Pan for all of his life, and never shoulder responsibility really, truly, as she had, and continued to do. And she remembered “Wedding Bell Blues”. So after having born two children, and raising three, she divorced him. She did not want to, she was embarrassed, and ashamed at having failed, but couldn’t see the love there any more, it had gone away just months after the first child was born, when he came home after being with someone else. All of that time, she recalled, feeling as if she had wasted it, gone now, in a blink, and a rap of the gavel from the Judge, and gone. Emptiness is a hard way to lose what good memories could have been left. And she remembered “Staying Alive” and “My Life”. The third part of her life only lasted a year. It was supposed to have lasted longer, for she felt anyone in his right mind wouldn’t want to saddle himself not only with a wife, but two children. And she knew then that what she really needed was some growing up time. To jump from the home of her mother and father into the make-shift home of newlyweds was not growing up! She went through the motions of course, of getting older and taking on responsibility, but where was the fun? So, she made a deal with a wonderful woman who would babysit her children a little more than just 8-5, and during some of the nights, she would try to find out what she had missed, if it was anything real, or just intangible dreams that romantics told in their songs. And all of those songs were a blur, because she was lost, and couldn’t find herself, and just remembered there was music. But she kept reminding herself, “it’s only going to be a year. Just one year to play, and then I’ll get serious with my life again. I’m only 28.” And she remembered “You Don’t Love Me Anymore.” The fourth part of her life she didn’t expect, nor did she want to think she would “fall in love” with love again. She really didn’t though. First, she felt in like with the man. And thought perhaps she could love him. Then she found out that she could read his mind, and he could read hers, and they would finish each other’s sentence before two or three words were uttered. And they could be long sentences, and that endeared him to her. She wanted to think that perhaps this was her soul mate. She knew his wounds were so deep from his own divorce, that if nothing else, the ride in life with him might be nice, and surely it would be different, for this man was not a boy, and nothing at all like her first love. She dared to think, and dream, that perhaps this would be her “forever love”. But she, like he, knew what divorce was all about, so she didn’t think that she was going into this with her eyes shut and in a river of dreams when he proposed and she said yes. And she remembered on her honeymoon at the Grand Ol’ Opera “On the Wings of A Snow White Dove”. So in her reverie of time past, in a short 47 years, it came to her that she recalled not just memories, but music, and words in song. It seemed to her that when she listened to music, she could put herself into a place and a time and recall smells and the heat of the day, if it is was summer; and the cold of the night, if it was winter. She decided that was why, when she heard certain songs, they could make her laugh, or cry, or both. And she decided, at that moment, when it was time for her to die, then she would want one of the songs at her wake to be “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot”. For she knew that after all of this, and for whatever was to come, all she would want to do when it was over, would be to be taken Home. 09 Aug 99 ------------------ © KRJ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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| © Copyright 1999 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
Nicely done.I loved this! ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
I very much enjoyed reading this. There were so many parts of it that I can relate to!  Songs definately do have time-warp capabilities.  Thank you for posting this.------------------ "Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." *Mark Twain* |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Thank you both, Dragoness and Satiate, for your kind words. Music IS the 7th sense! ------------------ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Bumping myself to see if I can get some new bites...and feel free to critique... Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, then speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Okay. . . I will. . . This is great. . . it's amazing how we tie in music with the most important moments of our life. . . Wonderful. . . -------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
critique? *wink* mebbe later I'll do just that! hehe |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Sven, you didn't critique, you naughty man...c'mon... Chris, I'm ...ahem... waiting... HEY, when it's open season on critiques and you're being asked, let's get with it already! How am I going to improve if you don't show me the errors of my ways?< !signature--> Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, then speak loudly and be bound. KRJ [This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 11-07-2000).] |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
I just finished reading this - right after reading your PdV challenge posting - and the re reqesting a critique- What's to critique ? I felt like I read someone's real autobiography. - and as a music lover - knowing all the songs - was completely in tune with it as I read- all I can say is: right(write) on! |
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