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On Death Row
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On Death Row |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
I am lying in a very uncomfortable bunk, not high off the cold, damp floor. The can to my left stinks like crap and dripping water is eating at my last nerve. I am listening to the clock in the hallway tick...tock...tick...tock... and I am counting down the seconds until it’s time for me to die. It may be miserable here, but I know that I am going to a place much worse than this could ever be. Somehow, I’m looking forward to it. I won’t put up a fight when they come to take me away. I just want to escape these thoughts that rack my brain constantly... The thoughts, the memories... they don’t seem real to me. I was so high... I was so wasted... She was so frightened... I just laughed and laughed... Her fear fed my ego. I can remember most everything clearly... the tiny bar out side of Orange County... I picked her up there... She was a sweet and sexy thing, she was. The way she was dancing to those old rock n’ roll tunes... Her hips were swayin’, and her lips were singing along... I swear she was asking for it. She was wearing this tight-fitting crimson tank top with no bra, and a painted-on denim mini skirt... and those tall, black cowboy boots made her legs seem as if they were edible. I bought her a few drinks... She liked the vodka... and she asked me to dance with her, and she was all over me. I wanted her so bad. I offered her a ride home because she was very, very drunk... She accepted. I planned on driving far out of town so that we could have each other... but the further I drove, the more angry she became... I didn’t care. I just wanted to do her. I finally stopped the car out in the middle of the desert somewhere. And I leaned over to kiss her, and she slapped me! I became so enraged... I vaguely remember fighting her. And then everything went blank...... that is until I realized I had my hands around her neck, her blood on my hands and on my face, and on my clothes... and I had made love to her...I remember that part....I remember holding her arms and sliding in to her while she screamed...it only turned me on more... I remember how she kicked and struggled... The fact that I was strong enough to hold her down only fed me more and more. But when I realized that she was dead.... she was just laying there listless, eyes wide open, with that expression of fear all over her face and accented with blood dripping from her nose and mouth. Her beautiful eyes had been beaten upon by me so badly that they were swollen... and there were still tear-stains on her rosy cheeks painted there by her long, drawn out and exhausting sobs... And when the horrible realization hit me.... (I killed her)... I panicked. I paced the ground beside her and I cursed her for being so weak and dying underneath me. And then I marvelled at the god-like feeling of euphoria that swept over me, exhaulting from taking another life that did not belong to me. I left her there... out in the desert... her body growing cold... The blood around her drying... I thought maybe the scavengers would take care of her for me, but I knew I would never be so lucky. I knew that I would be caught. No reason to run. No reason to hide. I would just sit and wait... (like I am now...) I drove all the rest of the night. I couldn’t stop wondering why I had done what I had done. Was it an accident? Did I really want to kill her? I knew that I was glad that I did. Why didn’t I feel remorse? I was still angry with her, as a matter of fact. The thought I must be mentally ill ran past my brain, and I chuckled out loud... I tasted her blood that was stained on my fingers, just to pay her one last tribute... to let her live on in what was left of me. I don’t remember going home and falling asleep... I do remember being awakened by the pounding on my door. By the megaphone in the parking lot... I looked through my window, knowing this would be the last time I would wake up as a free man. I knew my rights... I put up no fight... They cuffed me... they booked me... And now here I am... Unable to forget. Unable to think of anything else. Only able to take in what is happening around me... the stench in the can... the dripping water... the ticking of the clock... The footsteps of the priest coming to take my last confession so that I might make it in to heaven... But heaven in no place for me. I will burn in hell for what I have done... I know this because I feel no remorse for what I have done. In fact, the pleasure of it was almost orgasmic... I’d do it again if they set me free. Only, I don’t want to go on living... I want to die today. I know that I am a freak of nature. Society doesn’t need a madman like me. And I don’t need society to label me a madman. I have 2 minutes left of my life... I wish it were 2 seconds... I wish my life never existed at all... ©1999 ~onevoice~ ------------------ ~onevoice~ "She looked at her life like lines, never-ending, constantly forming, reforming and bending." |
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| © Copyright 1999 ~one voice~ - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
You rose to the challenge admirably, one voice. I really look forward to more from you.  ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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leelew Member
since 1999-07-10
Posts 89highmount,ny,usa |
Well written.THere's nothing like lost of control to define mad from sane. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I am setting here breathless waiting for this to end, waiting for more, not really knowing what I'm waiting for. What a wonderful portrayal of sanity at it's worst. |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
Thanks y'all! It was fun challenge! ------------------ ~onevoice~ "She looked at her life like lines, never-ending, constantly forming, reforming and bending." |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Wow, incredibly intense....I loved it. Great work, one voice. ------------------ *Krista Knutson* "I will sail my vessel 'till the river runs dry, like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky..." Garth Brooks |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Wow, very moving work, incredible job. ------------------ "I'm down in a hole, and I don't know if I can be saved. See my heart? I've decorated it like a grave." - Alice in Chains |
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