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The Girl in the Closet
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The Girl in the Closet |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
She lay on her bed, resting, not thinking, not feeling. Suddenly, the sound of a car door slamming startled her into awareness. She sat up quickly and crossed the room to the window. It was her father’s car. He was home. "He’ll be in the house soon!" she moaned. Her eyes widened with terror as she quickly scaned the room, finally deciding the closet would be the safest place to hide. She lunged for the door, almost fell inside and quickly closed it behind her. She moved her clothes around until she maneuvered herself into the farthest corner. With her back to the corner, she slid down and squatted on the floor, listening. She heard her parents talking, a distant mumble of mundane welcome home talk. Her mother laughed as she always did when her father tried to be funny. He wasn’t funny. Nothing he did was funny. It was quiet again. The silence scared her. She could feel it creeping up the stairs towards her room, searching for her. Then, the sounds of footsteps on the stairs….slowly…closer and closer. Her father’s tread! She knew his step, only he could make that fifth stair creak so. She huddled deeper into the corner. "Carol!" he called. "Where’s Daddy’s little girl?" She covered her ears and closed her eyes, thinking she was not his little girl. She was 16 and almost a woman. And why is he calling himself Daddy? She never called him Daddy. It was an evil name, another name for the Devil! "Carol!" he knocked on the door. "I’ve got something special for you baby!" Carol sunk lower onto her feet, trembling now, sweating terror, a sweet/sour stench that filled the small closet. She could hear her bedroom door open. She knew he was just outside the door, could feel her revulsion of him. Her heart pounding she bit her lip, trying not to cry out. Then, a soft knock at the closet door. "Baby, are you in there?" her father asked. Feeling trapped, caught by his evil, her bladder loosened and she peed all over her legs, onto the floor. Sitting in the dank puddle, she whimpered softly, willing him to give up and go away. Slowly, the door opened and he turned on the light. She kept her eyes closed. She felt his hand touch hers, then take her wrist and gently pull her to him. "What are you doing in here?" he asked. She did not reply. Keeping her eyes averted as he led her out of the closet, she imagined herself in another place - perhaps the park; yes - the swings and all those children laughing! "Baby, what on earth did you do? You’re all wet!" Her father lifted her skirt to see the wetness on her legs, her socks and shoes. "Go get washed up." His voice, less gentle now, more like the violent harshness she had expected, he let her go. She ran into her bathroom. Quickly, she used a washcloth to wipe away most of the urine. She removed her shoes and socks and returned to her bedroom. Her head hung like a whipped animal waiting for another swat on the nose. "Come with me." her father commanded, as he led her from the room. With her hand firmly grasped in his, he led her downstairs into the living room. They were alone. She could smell the evil now. She waited for it to reach out and devour her..chew her up….vomit her bones into the fireplace. Her father led her to the patio door and placed his hand in front of her face. "Want to see Daddy’s surprise?" he asked. NO! She screamed in silent horror! She wanted to go! Run…fly away…. And now he wasn’t letting her see where she was going! She walked blindly forward, waiting for his evil touch. "Open your eyes" he said. Quickly, she opened her eyes and saw the flames! God, he was going to burn her alive, he was sending her to hell right here in her own back yard! He was the Devil! Screaming, she lashed out with her hands at the expanse of fire in her face. NO! she screamed out loud. NO! Leave me alone! Don’t kill me! Hands grabbed her arms holding her firmly. She opened her eyes. A birthday cake lay on the patio bricks…messes of white frosting and pink flowers and two lonely candles still lit. She looked up and saw her family looking at her with shock. She stepped back and fell against her father. She began to shriek………. Struggling, screaming! He pulled her into the house. She heard her mother on the phone talking in a crying voice…"yes, right away. Thank you. I appreciate it, we just can’t handle it anymore". Carol went limp in her father’s arms. "Baby" he sobbed. She sunk to the floor. Keening, pulling on her hair, Carol vanished into her schizophrenia. [This message has been edited by Poet deVine (edited 06-24-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Glad to greet such a distinguished writer to Prose! You brought us a wonderfully insightful story. I'm looking forward to seeing more of you.  ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I hope you mean more 'from' me!?  |
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fjones Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 98MS |
If I had the opportunity to alleviate an illness it would have to be those of the mind. |
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Angel_of_Music Junior Member
since 1999-07-25
Posts 35Sanger, TX USA |
what a wonderful awful piece. This hits home for me....me sweet little cousin, only 7 years old, is schizophrenic. ------------------ "In sleep he sang to me...in dreams he came...that voice which calls to me, and speaks my name..." |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Thank you for your comments. It's a little understood disease and is not particular about who it strikes. Angel, my thoughts are with you and your family..take one day at a time. |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Oh, this was incredible. I felt her fear!! You are truly talented. Thank you for sharing this! |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
That was wonderfully done, PdV! I've often said that writing and story-telling are not the same thing! It's delightful to discover you are talented at both. Now that I've discovered a new side of you, I look forward to more... |
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leelew Member
since 1999-07-10
Posts 89highmount,ny,usa |
I felt each and ever word.Schizophernia is so poorly understood.Very well done!! |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Extremely powerful...I truly felt her fear. Thank you for shining some light on this disease. ------------------ *Krista Knutson* "I will sail my vessel 'till the river runs dry, like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky..." Garth Brooks |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Very powerful! |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
This was written so well, you are very talented. Not knowing the outcome of her situation till the end, I was thinking all the way through that he was abusing her, and that's why she feared him. Sad to think a child could be tormented with a disability like that, and have to live in fear everyday. |
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Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
What can I say that hasn't already been said? Not much...This keep me guessing..At first I thought maybe the father was sexual abusive, then I thought maybe the girl was dreaming..the conclusion shocked me. I've read up on schizophrenia in the past (to prove a teacher wrong..but that's beside the point) and it is quite a terrible disease..Great story deVine, truely great. ------------------ Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
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Ruby dagger Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 76Wyoming, MN, U.S.A |
I love how you can put fear in to the reader's heart for the girl. ------------------ Luv ya Kelly No doubt, this will be a night to remember. -SHeDAISY |
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elvira Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936California |
brava, bravissima, deVine...i have to resort to italian just to post a reply worthy of your gripping story  |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
WOW! Though I often write on "problems" of the mind, I appreciate the tack you've taken with this one. I agree, that this is an often misunderstood disease, but let it be added that most mental disorders are. Applause for a brave viewpoint ms deVine. I must ask, how did you feel when you wrote this? ------------------ Everyone has a photographic memory... ...most of us just don't have film! |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
My purpose was to show that we misunderstand. I intended to let the reader think this was a poem about some form of abuse, you believed the girl from the start. But this kind of illness is often mistaken for something else, rebellion for example. I put myself in the girl's mind, what would she do...how would she react. She focused only on the immediate fear. When she saw the fire, her fear that someone was going to hurt her caused her to lash out! Only then did it become clear that she had a problem. I have never encountered anyone with schizophrenia by the way. But as a compassionate person, I can understand. I hope that answers your questions, Christopher. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
My eyes were wide with horror...this is incredibly gripping. My mother has schizophrenia; it's a very confusing, scary disease. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
You are greatly talented! I thought also she was being abused. What a nightmare that has to be to live in a world like that! |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
High time this one came up from the depths as well.  ------------------ Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© ------------------------------------------------------- "Either kill me or take me as I am, because I'll be damned if I ever change..." Count Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade (Marquis de Sade) |
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Terrina Kethryveris Member
since 1999-12-06
Posts 53USA |
Wonderful work you have created here. I was entranced the whole time waiting for the "evil" to rear it ugly head, wonderful surprise in the end. The evil was all the girl imagination. Truly wonderful! Terri Truth be known, fantasy is much more appealing than reality. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I am bumping this up for a reason. Ron has agreed that we can submit prose to the main site of Passions. I would like to ask if you see any glaring errors here...do you think I should edit it in any way? All suggestions are gratefully accepted. Thanks! |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
PDV, this is perfect, just the way it is! I didn't get to read this before, so I'm glad you bumped it up. This is a wonderfully written tale that brings a terrible disease to light. Thank you for sharing it with us. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
deVine, I've read this before but was afraid to reply, LOL, but this is perfect except for one small thing I'd like to point out (Take it or leave it ) I think you use exclamation points a little too liberally, the only places where I think they detract are, "Her heart pounding she bit her lip, trying not to cry out!" She's not saying anything, so this is more a statement. "Screaming, she lashed out with her hands at the expanse of fire in her face! " and same here. Otherwise GREAT piece of writing! And harsh story on the reality of this frightening disease.. Abrahm Simons "Keep on dreamin' boy 'cause when you stop dreaming it's time to die" - Blind Melon |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Abe, you told me about these before and I took it to heart. Haven't used them as much since. So I will edit those little puppies!!! Hehehe...thanks!(oops) Thanks. Later..ok..I took some of those pesky ! out...what do you think? [This message has been edited by Poet deVine (edited 06-22-2000).] |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I submitted this story to the main site here at Passions in Poetry and over the years, I've gotten some wonderful emails about it. http://www.netpoets.com/poems/fiction/0002014.htm This week, I received another email asking if I would mind if it was read in a classroom for discussion. The student who wrote me asked for some background on me - and asked a bit about how I came to write it. I gladly replied that they could read it and thanked them for their interest. I received another email a few days later thanking me for replying and telling me that the whole class and the teacher enjoyed the story and they were all going to write an essay on it for an English assignment at the Harold Washington College in Chicago. http://hwashington.ccc.edu/ To say I am thrilled is an understatement. This to me is what writing is all about - sharing it with someone. I've asked if they will email me some of the essays or parts of them and then I will ask them to join us here.  |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
And thrilled you should be. I look for pieces you have written and do not find enough. I guess I will have to go to the archives again. This was a wondeful piece of writing. I too was thinking of an abusive father.. You did it justice. martyjo |
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Frank W. Torres Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 133 |
Fantastic! |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Thank you for reading...I seem to lean more towards prose these days than poetry!! |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
W.O.W that pretty much all i can say. what an ending too!! nice write! |
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