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First-time Father
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First-time Father |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
I believe that everyone has a defining moment in their life, one point that sums up their meaning and self-worth. I would like to take some time to relate my own. Bear with me please. It was the longest 40 weeks of my life, 10 months of pins and needles. Expectant fathers worry more than mothers, first-time father's at least. I ran about opening doors, measuring portions out for meals, making her take her prenatal vitamins, even got her outside for exercise. I worried constantly, between my wife and the baby growing inside her, worry seemed to be that defining thing. I watched her belly swell, heavy with burgeoning new life. I would stare in wonder at it, mesmerized by the interplay of life and love. In the early months of her pregnancy, I was arrested for something I did not do. While it was eventually cleared up, I was away from her for two and a half weeks. That was the longest, hardest, stretch of time I have ever endured. I knew she needed me closer than 200 miles away with distance and bars tearing my heart out, I needed her closer too. Now understand, just over half a month is not a long time, I was expecting 3 to 5 years which would keep me from the birth of my child, and cause me to miss out on the child's growing up. The strange thing is that the thought of my wife and child kept me sane and able to endure. My next experience with this pregnancy/fatherhood thing, just blew me away. I was in bed with my wife; she was sleeping as I watched that swelling abdomen with only passing interest. Looking at her pregnancy had become routine at that point, almost a ritual, devoid of the original wonder. I placed my hand over her womb, lay down, and started to go to sleep myself. I had no sooner closed my eyes, than I sat bolt upright in bed. I thought I had been hallucinating in that hazy gray between waking and sleep. That was not the case, for then I felt a butterfly-gentle flutter again, right under my hand. My spirit went wild. With boyish exuberance, my wonder returned ten-fold. I could barely contain myself, I wanted to wake her and share this new sensation, and yet afraid it would stop if I did. The next morning I told her what I had felt, she said that she had felt a fluttering inside for a few days but hadn't been sure. Over the next few months, the flutter went from just a whisper to a track star practicing for the Olympics. I would be awoken at night to my back being pounded like a message drum, I was kicked, hit, poked, and prodded and thoroughly enjoyed every pummeling. My wife was not so enthusiastic over it. She said it felt like the baby was climbing her ribcage. Now, not to be rude, but a woman in her 9th month is big. Beautiful still, but big. I developed a taste for sleeping on the edge of the bed from that. Her due date came and went. We were running in to see her doctor every three days, maddening and frantic are not a good combination. Two weeks past her due date, they scheduled her for an induced labor. That was an early morning. We had to be at the hospital at 6am. They whisked us upstairs and started a Pitocin I.V. Within minutes the contractions started, small at first, but growing larger. I knew that from the monitors attached to her. I became nearly breathless between each contraction, my attention wavering between the monitors and my wife. A routine quickly became established, check monitors, check wife, reality check. The nurses had their own routine, check monitors, check dilation, increase Pitocin flow, and tell us it would be over soon. That routine went on for 30 hours, pain increasing with each contraction, before they decided to do a c-section. It was a total of 33 hours of labor; my wife was given Morphine to help her sleep, for a time. I couldn't sleep. I was pacing and worrying and fretting myself into an ulcer. Finally, they gave her an epidural; it stopped the pain immediately. In less than five minutes we were all in surgery in our pretty, blue pajamas. She was strapped down as if crucified, calm and aware. The surgeon worked faster than a sushi chef did, I wouldn't put my hands anywhere near him. I was introduced to intimate parts of a woman's body I had no desire to see, but it was cool. At precisely 4:34pm, I became a first-time father. Our little girl weighed 8 pounds 8 ounces. It seems that she was sunny-side up, each contraction just pushed her into her mother's spine. She was brought to her mother within a minute. Her mother raised her head and said, "Hello, baby." Our daughter turned her newborn head straight to the sound of Mommy's voice. I went with her to the nursery, while they sewed up my wife. I stood and marveled at this new life before me. I noted her hair, and her eyes and the bright pink of her skin under the heat lamps. I watched while she was examined for a minute, then went back to check on my wife. About an hour and a half later, I held my little girl close. She was awake and alert. I sat in this small rocking chair with her and we had our first father/daughter talk. I told her of the rough spots at the beginning of her life, of how I nearly missed being there to greet her into this world. I told her my fears, both for her and me. I told her of my hopes for her and how all I would expect of her was for her to be happy and herself. I told her about the courage and compassion of the mother that had given birth to her. I made promises to her that I still keep, to listen when she needs to talk, to take care of her when she's hurt. I promised that I would always love her. I talked about what I've just told you, and I told her she was worth every sleepless night and every midnight craving run. She was even worth the heartache that would come, when years down the road she would strike out on her own. I sat and talked to her for nearly an hour. The entire time she stayed awake, a long time to a newborn, looking at me. I swear she listened to every word, for when I told her I was finished, she closed her eyes and went to sleep nestled against me. I've had many talks with her since then but that first time is alive in my memory and always will be. ©1999 DreamEvil ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
What a wonderful story...it brought tears to my eyes. I love the detail you put into this one..great job!!! ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
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leelew Member
since 1999-07-10
Posts 89highmount,ny,usa |
I've read every thing you've posted.This is your finest work!! |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
I thought I would be sneaky today and peek in here to get a 'fix', if you will, while at work. Now I pray that no one comes back to my desk, for I would have to explain the tears in my eyes! Heartwrenching, sweet, vulnerability, and strength all in one. Thank you so much for sharing! |
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Gentle Soul Member
since 1999-07-12
Posts 273Vinton,Ohio USA |
Dream.. I think this is the sweetest story you have ever written... You are obviously a good father *hugs* ------------------ Gënt£ë¤§°û£ |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
This was superbly beautiful. It's wonderful hearing this from the Dad's point of view. Your daughter is very lucky to have a Dad like you. |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
Thank you for sharing this beautiful experience! I, too, had a C-section with my first, and the 30 hours of labor... not fun! But I especially loved this essay. It shows us all that you do have a Light side, and Saphyre's in your eyes... hehehe  ------------------ ~onevoice~ "She looked at her life like lines, never-ending, constantly forming, reforming and bending." |
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fjones Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 98MS |
Well written |
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Sweet T Member
since 1999-06-14
Posts 64mesa, arizona maricopa |
I wish there were more fathers out there like you! |
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azblond Senior Member
since 1999-07-01
Posts 637The Steamy Desert |
The truest writing is that which tells a tale from your heart. You have captured every essence of emotion beautifully...Well Done my friend, another for the top of the record! ------------------ For sometimes when the Darkness falls, we must surrender, take what is ours, and give what we can, and always remember love is somewhere waiting... |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Wow, what a great piece of work, so sweet, it was great, thank you for sharing a lighter side. |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
So very sweet and beautiful, Dream. Keep up the excellent work. ------------------ *Krista Knutson* "I will sail my vessel 'till the river runs dry, like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky..." Garth Brooks |
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Phantom Junior Member
since 1999-08-03
Posts 18 |
What a wonderful father you must be.How lucky your family is to have you! ------------------ Open your heart to the Darkness,set your soul free. |
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Lil-bit Junior Member
since 1999-08-03
Posts 29Tallahassee, Florida |
What a beautiful essay about birth but more about LOVE. I can see the tender qualities that you possess by what you have written. Your wife and child are blessed. You should give your wife a printed copy of what you wrote as a "keepsake". A little hint: when my child was born we began to give her a Christmas decoration (provided you celebrate Christmas) each year. At first I picked them out but as she got older she now enjoys doing it. When she leaves home for college or marriage she then will be given all the special decorations to use on her own tree. I also have taken some of her smaller baby items and made tree ornaments out of them. Things such as small rattles and parts of favorite baby toys that were dismantled (to use favorite part). I used ribbon or ornament hangers to put them on the tree. This is like the child's own personalized Christmas tree. It makes it more special as you see things that bring back super memories. Be blessed. |
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thursdayschild Member
since 1999-07-01
Posts 169Houston, Tx. |
Truly a revealing piece! Poingnant, emotional, and excellent work. |
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