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morbid
Junior Member
since 2007-01-05
Posts 22
Arkansas USA

0 posted 2007-01-05 09:13 AM



Okay I have a question i keep tryin to start this poem but i can never get it like i want it to sound
i want it to be about my best friends girl (ive known her for 6 years) and been in love with her for just as long

so far i got the poem written like

She's beautiful
with her blonde hair flowin through the wind
and i dont know what to do
Does she know that i look at her the way she looks at him

He's my best friend and we both love the same girl
he doesn' know
that i think she's my world
yea i suck :/ but i was wonderin if someone could help me out id be more than appreciated

© Copyright 2007 wiLL Baum - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2007-01-05 09:32 AM


awww...it doesn't suck at all...I think it's great so far. You should just write out how you feel, then go from there and fine tune it.

Welcome to Pip!

morbid
Junior Member
since 2007-01-05
Posts 22
Arkansas USA
2 posted 2007-01-05 09:34 AM


Thanks but i dunno im not really that good with words it took me about a month to write that much loL :/
Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
3 posted 2007-01-05 11:47 AM


Welcome to Passions! Sea is right. Not too many that write by proxy here and besides only you can say what you mean. It's a good start just keep going. But must confess the situation sounds a little messy. Good luck.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

morbid
Junior Member
since 2007-01-05
Posts 22
Arkansas USA
4 posted 2007-01-05 04:03 PM


Im good at the darker side of poetry
that fit's me a lot more than love poems :/
but yea i understand where ur commin from

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2007-01-05 09:57 PM


We have a number of areas for help here, poet.  You can start in Teen, or go ahead and post in Open...or work in the various classes or advance straight ahead to Critical Analysis.

Q&A is mostly for questions about the site, or things questionable that most cannot find another place to post their question.

Albeit, what I'm seeing here is talent that is questioning its worthiness, and that's a good thing.  Go ahead and adapt your profile to asking for critiques, and it doesn't matter if your muse only visits you now and then.  We will enjoy any moment of their visit through you.  

Now, write on, and should you have any questions, please, do not hesitate to contact a moderator.



" It matters not this distance now  " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love
~*~
KRJ

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