Jejudo, South Korea
There's no such thing as standard English however. I think this is English's strength (French, Korean, and Japanese all have government boards to determine what is standard and what is not). Why objectify something that can only be objectified arbitrarily? I disagree with people all the time when it comes to syllable counts and stressed syllables. I think this is fun (and inevitably increases the variety of my own language).
As regards to your 'tone deafness', if you can speak the language, you can hear when something sound wrong to you, right? conTRACT (v) versus CONtract (n) (seems to be my favorite example these days). Go to the Atlantic Monthly and listen to the poets there. Also Seamus Cooney (I forget the address but I found it last year) has a websight where you can test your meter listening abilities -- You can hear what certain meters sound like. Nothing wrong with using a dictionary (and a Thesaurus); I use them all the time.
What's wrong with changing formats? The Villanelle is from France and the Pantoum from Indonesia. In a certain sense, the moment you use the format, you are changing them.
Syllable counts are less important than how the poem sounds to you. If it sounds right, keep it. If it doesn't,change it.
Format and metered poetry are guides, only guides, to write poetry that has worked in the past -- use them but don't be used by them.