John: the replies follows and was from Brad timed at 21:07..:-
I'm not really sure what to say here. You've got some interesting images but the movement of the poem is unclear to me. Don't get me wrong. I love contradictions in a poem but I don't quite see how they work.
I to her . . .
Yet her to me
Once and always
and a few others just don't make any sense from where I stand. On the one hand, you seem to want to stress the real, true love but on the other, you seem to want to distance it.
You have 'firefight', 'faded star' and
'billowing clouds' -- I wonder if you might try to develop just one of these ideas and see where it goes.
It seems you've lost someone and yet trying to deal with that passing yet still feel that she is 'here'. It seems to be both a comfort and torture to the character. I might want to bring that out more.
I don't not like this poem but it is a bit too ethereal for my taste. I'm surprised however that no one else has commented yet. Some people really like this type of stuff.
Just an opinion,
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.