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Passions in Poetry

A Little Green Worm

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Mac Attack
Member
since 12-12-2001
Posts 102
Ontario, Canada


0 posted 01-01-2002 12:30 PM       View Profile for Mac Attack   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Mac Attack

A Little Green Worm

A little green worm is eating at my heart.
Hidden and alone, nourished here in the dark.
Feeding now on my suspicion and doubt.
Giggling and triumphant, its no longer kept out.

Words from you always trusted and faithful
Thoughts from me are now dark and doubtful.
News from a friend I no longer hear,
But words only for you, now find your ear.

With you my life has been shared, our love a story of hope
Formed with each passing year and woven with trust for rope.
Through trial and hardship our love was forged and bound.
A truer love and trust, among our friends could not be found.

Though no longer young, nor slight, our love grew true and bright.
A private joke or a laugh, I seek only you, your arms in the night.
A friend once made and trusted, now my messages left unheard.
But then I find a note left in neglect, for you, she spoke a word.

Why disregard my message? Why not return my calls?
Yet letters I’m sure are written for you, and with me, not shared at all?
With a trembling laugh I ask, “why did she call you?”
You just shrug and say “no reason”, but can that really be true?

Doubt and fear have embraced me, implications eat at my mind.
Each word and action reviewed, my thoughts are no longer kind.
My little green worm is growing still, now a monster in my soul.
Heartache, loss and pain surrounds me, confusion takes its toll.

But new light once shed, proved baseless blame by me,
Actions planned in innocence, my doubts are just a rootless tree.
My joy and love should now be restored, both of you close once more.
But my little green worm is hungry still, and it’s now too late to close that door.

Mac
© Copyright 2002 M.C. Konopacky - All Rights Reserved
punksmurf
Junior Member
since 01-01-2002
Posts 42
new hampshire, U.S.


1 posted 01-01-2002 06:14 PM       View Profile for punksmurf   Email punksmurf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for punksmurf

good job keeping somewhat on plot, but really, did it NEED to rhyme was it begging at your heels saying 'rhyme me ,baby'? i didn't think so. when people rhyme, they often lose a crtical part of their writing ablility to trying to keep the flow and scheme, and frankly, that rhyming scheme is over-used, so let  go and be free of your petty rhyming, let the poetry be what naturally comes to mind, regardless of though-blockers like scansion and rhyme, let your self write to jus be writing, not to be rhyming
~Me
strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


2 posted 01-01-2002 10:12 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Mac, this was quite a write, I also like to rhyme. I do free verse and prose but my words are always wanting to rhyme. And there is such debate on" do rhyme,dont rhyme." If I am writing and it feels to me like a rhyming poem I go with it. I have been told to ditch the rhyme, but I wont. I love it.. Look at all the great poets, like Poe, I like this, floria
Mac Attack
Member
since 12-12-2001
Posts 102
Ontario, Canada


3 posted 01-03-2002 09:10 AM       View Profile for Mac Attack   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mac Attack

Hi Punksmurf,
Most of this came out cleanly rhyming.  As a result, I found myself forcing the balance to rhyme and flow to match the bulk of the poem and to (hopefully) clearly convey the message I was trying to achieve.  So, yup, for the most part it was crying out "rhyme me baby!" (LOL).

Hello Strbbux,
I too like to write in both free verse and rhyme, depending upon how the poem develops.  This one started out as a rhyme, so off I went with it.

It still feels clumsy and forced to me though and I was hoping for some sugestions to clean it up, maybe tighten it a little, so..............

Any more help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Mac Attack
Member
since 12-12-2001
Posts 102
Ontario, Canada


4 posted 01-03-2002 09:11 AM       View Profile for Mac Attack   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mac Attack

Hi Punksmurf,
Most of this came out cleanly rhyming.  As a result, I found myself forcing the balance to rhyme and flow to match the bulk of the poem and to (hopefully) clearly convey the message I was trying to achieve.  So, yup, for the most part it was crying out "rhyme me baby!" (LOL).

Hello Strbbux,
I too like to write in both free verse and rhyme, depending upon how the poem develops.  This one started out as a rhyme, so off I went with it.

It still feels clumsy and forced to me though and I was hoping for some sugestions to clean it up, maybe tighten it a little, so..............

Any more help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
 
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