How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Critical Analysis #1 Archive
 Continuum
 1 2 3 4
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Continuum

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


0 posted 12-31-2001 04:37 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for strbbux




Continuum

As the sun rise glows golden,
And stars have surrendered to defeat,
Saphire skies go into hiding,
Dark sky and stars are obsolete.
As warmth of daylight begins,
Sleep now falls on darkened skies,
Awakening me to a new tomorrow,
As I open up my eyes.

Floria
2001
© Copyright 2001 Floria Kelderhouse - All Rights Reserved
amusemi
Senior Member
since 12-08-2001
Posts 1300
A State of Disarray


1 posted 01-01-2002 03:57 PM       View Profile for amusemi   Email amusemi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for amusemi

Makes me want to stretcb my arms to the heavens and grimace!  I like this very much, good rhythm and complete thought.  
strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


2 posted 01-02-2002 09:51 AM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Thank you amusemi I always like to hear your comments. floria
Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 11-03-1999
Posts 4427
Oklahoma, USA


3 posted 01-02-2002 01:25 PM       View Profile for Not A Poet   Email Not A Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Not A Poet's Home Page   View IP for Not A Poet

I get a good feeling from this. It has fresh and nice imagery. I particularly liked the line, "Saphire skies go into hiding." I might consider working on the meter just a little. It seems to me to be begging for a little more consistency although I have to say that it doesn't really bother me as it is.

Thanks,
Pete
strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


4 posted 01-02-2002 02:09 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Thanks pete, I love your input and will see what I could do..Hmmm what is meter? LOL just kidding, I am a fairly new poet, and from time to time I have to look up a word that someone throws at me like Iambic..that really floored me,,,thanks for the input. floria
strbbux will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Critical Analysis #1 >> Continuum Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors