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Passions in Poetry

In The Park (Rewrite) (Pantoum)

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Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 12-04-2001
Posts 3905
Texas, USA


0 posted 12-29-2001 08:16 PM       View Profile for Pilgrimage   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Pilgrimage

Today I strolled around the park at noon,
Lamenting all the friends that now are gone.
We shared delight beneath the skies of June-
Decemberís snows mean walking all alone.

Lamenting all the friends that now are gone,
I noticed how the trees had lost their green.
Decemberís snows mean walking all alone,
I saw my life reflected in the scene.

I noticed how the trees had lost their green;
I shivered in the ice-sharp winter blast.
I saw my life reflected in the scene;
The brooding clouds, the pellets that they cast.

I shivered in the ice-sharp winter blast;
I shuddered at the weakness I display.
The brooding clouds, the pellets that they cast;
And in a whisper, I began to pray.

I shuddered at the weakness I display,
A love lost and a heartache, that is all-
And in a whisper, I began to pray,
So shamed the way Iíve answered hardshipís call.

A love lost and a heartache, that is all-
Itís wondrous that I once had love to hold.
So shamed the way Iíve answered hardshipís call-
The seed of life springs forth from winterís cold.

Itís wondrous that I once had love to hold-
Today I strolled around the park at noon.
The seed of life springs forth from winterís cold,
We shared delight beneath the skies of June.

Nan

© Copyright 2001 Nancy Wilcox - All Rights Reserved
lizzyluv
Member
since 12-27-2001
Posts 53
nh, usa. we suck.


1 posted 12-29-2001 08:31 PM       View Profile for lizzyluv   Email lizzyluv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lizzyluv

pantuoms always give me chills. the form is so powerful. and very well used, in this case. i really liked your sense of motion, even through the repitition. the thoughts built upon each other very well.

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
"the words inside my head/ are better than the words i've said/ as alway

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 12-04-2001
Posts 3905
Texas, USA


2 posted 12-31-2001 09:48 AM       View Profile for Pilgrimage   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pilgrimage

Dear Lizzyluv,
Thank you. I've reworked it a couple of times now, and I think I've about got it. It's the third pantoum I've written, and I love the form. But they're hard.

Nan

lizzyluv
Member
since 12-27-2001
Posts 53
nh, usa. we suck.


3 posted 01-01-2002 05:49 PM       View Profile for lizzyluv   Email lizzyluv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lizzyluv

i agree, i quit after my first, but i have a lot of respect for the form. it's beautiful.

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

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