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pillowtalk

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lizzyluv
Member
since 12-27-2001
Posts 53
nh, usa. we suck.


0 posted 12-29-2001 01:12 PM       View Profile for lizzyluv   Email lizzyluv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lizzyluv

aright, lets see if i can be ;acceptable;.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
;Tell me a lie,
              tell me something that
was never the truth;
                    Breathed.
;Alright, here goes,
                  I love you;
         Chuckles.(Bashful?)
;I knew you did!;
                Exulted.
;No,
   That was my lie.;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

[This message has been edited by lizzyluv (12-29-2001 08:58 PM).]

© Copyright 2001 Liz MacKinnon - All Rights Reserved
C?
Member
since 12-29-2001
Posts 349


1 posted 12-29-2001 01:26 PM       View Profile for C?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for C?

I had to read it a few times to get it. Kinda jumpy, however, I think it is a very cool take! For some reason, I found the mental picture very clear, nice job!
lizzyluv
Member
since 12-27-2001
Posts 53
nh, usa. we suck.


2 posted 12-29-2001 05:44 PM       View Profile for lizzyluv   Email lizzyluv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lizzyluv

thank you. i'm glad you liked. i've been told it's too bitter, but i'm glad you like as is. i'm glad it created as clear a picture for you as it did.

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

C?
Member
since 12-29-2001
Posts 349


3 posted 12-29-2001 05:53 PM       View Profile for C?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for C?

I tink it seemed clear to me cause it described a situation, very imtimately..but, yeah, it ain't a very nice thing to say
lizzyluv
Member
since 12-27-2001
Posts 53
nh, usa. we suck.


4 posted 12-29-2001 06:12 PM       View Profile for lizzyluv   Email lizzyluv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lizzyluv

i dunno, i was in a similar situation, and it's not very nice at the time, either.

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

C?
Member
since 12-29-2001
Posts 349


5 posted 12-29-2001 06:30 PM       View Profile for C?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for C?

oh yeah, I don't think it's too bitter either, more clever than that
strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


6 posted 12-29-2001 08:24 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Pretty clever little poem here, like it. floria aka strbbux
Englishpoet
Member
since 12-18-2001
Posts 54
Birmingham, England


7 posted 12-29-2001 08:34 PM       View Profile for Englishpoet   Email Englishpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Englishpoet's Home Page   View IP for Englishpoet

Dear Liz
This is a interesting little poem. I am impressed by the arragement of words - so cleverly done.For me, you won.
Asif

The heights by great men reached and kept
Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they while their companions slept
Were toiling upward in the nigh

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


8 posted 12-30-2001 08:26 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Perhaps it is because I am not familiar with your work, but could you explain to me the use of your punctuation?
Tony Di Bart
Member
since 01-26-2000
Posts 163
Toronto, Canada


9 posted 12-30-2001 10:28 AM       View Profile for Tony Di Bart   Email Tony Di Bart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tony Di Bart

Very Nice

The poem just oulled me in.  Love the twist.....

rich-pa
Member
since 02-07-2000
Posts 325
New Orleans, Louisiana


10 posted 12-30-2001 09:37 PM       View Profile for rich-pa   Email rich-pa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rich-pa

i just found this incredibly amusing...what more can i say?  it was dang(censorship sux!) funny

"freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..."  -janis joplin

lizzyluv
Member
since 12-27-2001
Posts 53
nh, usa. we suck.


11 posted 01-01-2002 05:20 PM       View Profile for lizzyluv   Email lizzyluv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lizzyluv

thank you all. it honestly took me a million and 3 edits to get this one where it is, so i'm loving the responses. sunshine, i'm sorry it was confusing, a little clarity: semi-colons are my equivelent of quotation marks. i prefer them, in that they break me up less. sorry it was confusing.
again, thank you all!

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

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