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I need some feedbakc

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Chrissy
Member
since 01-24-2002
[First Post] 81
Idaho, no I am not a farmer!


0 posted 01-24-2002 01:08 AM       View Profile for Chrissy   Email Chrissy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Chrissy

okay, I just need a little feed back, this is the first time I have ever submitted my poetry to ANYTHING...and Nobody has ever read it before...please help!

By the grace of God

We shutterd with fear on that horrible day,
As we held out loved ones and began to pray.
We asked God how can this be?
Why would you ever do this to me?
You took my brother, my child, my wife.
How could you go and shatter my life?
You turned the nation upside down,
you made each and every one of us frown.
The ones that are left cry out in pain,
As the Angels bring on the bitter rain.
Now that we are all tired and hurting,
and not one of us can understand or cope.
Just the God spoke to me, in his voice was a feeling of hope.
"My Child" He said "did you not see?
The hurting that you brought upon me?
The violence that you showed each and every day,
as you screamed and shouted, and wanted things your way?
This is the only way i could get you to understand,
Instead of hurting eachother, reach out and grab another hand.
Do not scream and push and shout,
please turn that hate inside out."
That moment I cried and wanted to die,
not one word that I heard was a lie.
We have head that God works in mysterious ways,
and thats exactly what He was doing that day.
So please be stong and help one another,
This ot the time that we need eachother.
I would really appriciate both positive and negitive feeback.  I write a lot, but..some of it is really deep, and my writing is more of a journal for me, and is kept secret.  I decided to venture out and share some of my views so please tell me what you think.  Thanks again
Chrissy

© Copyright 2002 Chrissy Ryen - All Rights Reserved
Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 11-03-1999
Posts 4427
Oklahoma, USA


1 posted 01-24-2002 11:23 AM       View Profile for Not A Poet   Email Not A Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Not A Poet's Home Page   View IP for Not A Poet

Hi Chrissy,

Welcome to the Critical Analysis forum. Sorry, I don't have much time for a critique right now but I'm sure someone else will come along soon.

Being new to the forum, you probably didn't know that CA #2 will be replacing this forum in the near future. Your poem will likely get more response if moved to CA #2. I can move it for you if you want. Just let me know by email or simply posting here.

Check your email.

Yours,

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

Chrissy
Member
since 01-24-2002
Posts 81
Idaho, no I am not a farmer!


2 posted 01-24-2002 06:37 PM       View Profile for Chrissy   Email Chrissy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Chrissy

Thanks a ton!!
Well I am not quite sure how to delete a poem from a thingy, so If you could help me that would be GREAT!!! Thanks again!
Chrissy will be notified of replies
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