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gnaw

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lizzyluv
Member
since 12-27-2001
Posts 53
nh, usa. we suck.


0 posted 12-28-2001 08:10 PM       View Profile for lizzyluv   Email lizzyluv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lizzyluv


The words inside my hand are
                                           clamoring
for me to release them out to you.
Can I fall in love with me?  
                                    Please Baby?
BabybabybabybabyBabybaby    baby?
We am cute. I are awkward,
                                         I know.
This is nice; can' it stay this way?
My brain's biting me again. Gnawing
                                                    at its
labels. But they're indelible ink. It
knows they won't drool off.
Thw words in my hand are freezing their
way through my skin.
                                I'd just give them
to you.. But how. Do I know. you'll like them?
I know, I know; I never know.
But I'm scared to try.
My brain pauses its chewing to
reflect that maybe I could fall in
love with me if I paid me to do it.
;What's the price?; the labels curiosify

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

© Copyright 2001 Liz MacKinnon - All Rights Reserved
C?
Member
since 12-29-2001
Posts 349


1 posted 12-29-2001 05:48 PM       View Profile for C?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for C?

some of the imagery, like the part of the words freezing through your hand, I really liked.
I don't know if the part where you switched We with I is really nessecary...I can never spell that word right
lizzyluv
Member
since 12-27-2001
Posts 53
nh, usa. we suck.


2 posted 12-29-2001 05:52 PM       View Profile for lizzyluv   Email lizzyluv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lizzyluv

i didn't switch we and i, i switched, am and are. the point was that i tend to be awkward in my speech. and i am. but it's hard to convey on paper w/o using blatant grammer errors. oh, and it's spelled, neccesary. ; )

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

C?
Member
since 12-29-2001
Posts 349


3 posted 12-29-2001 05:56 PM       View Profile for C?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for C?

hehe, thanks,
oh okay, yeah that makes more sense...it still works the other way though too!!
lizzyluv
Member
since 12-27-2001
Posts 53
nh, usa. we suck.


4 posted 12-29-2001 06:10 PM       View Profile for lizzyluv   Email lizzyluv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lizzyluv

it does, but the meaning changes. hmm, i'm not sure i'd thought of it the outher way around.....

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

rich-pa
Member
since 02-07-2000
Posts 325
New Orleans, Louisiana


5 posted 12-30-2001 09:25 PM       View Profile for rich-pa   Email rich-pa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rich-pa

interesting, i dunno where you were going with it, nor do i much care, no offenses but i'm a disciple of reader response,and i see a poet here pondering over his/her writing and how to show them to the world and the problems of acceptance...style wise i love it as always, yer poems are thinsg to be thought about, something i like to do, the stream of consciousness pushes one intothinking, which is always a plus..i dig it

"freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..."  -janis joplin

lizzyluv
Member
since 12-27-2001
Posts 53
nh, usa. we suck.


6 posted 01-01-2002 05:26 PM       View Profile for lizzyluv   Email lizzyluv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lizzyluv

hmmm, thank you for your rasponse. i hadn't realized this could be seen as addressing an audience. it was written for my girlfriend, but on another level, i think i also intended it for my reader. i hadn't realized till you said it. thank you. i'm glad you like my writing, rich-pa. thank you much.

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

hush
Senior Member
since 05-27-2001
Posts 1693
Ohio, USA


7 posted 01-02-2002 10:44 PM       View Profile for hush   Email hush   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hush

I like this. The only thing I don't really get is 'curiosify' at the end... making up a word, especially one that sounds so goofy, doesn't really seem to fit in the context of this poem...

Hope I've helped.

"I'm thinking about leaving tomorrow
I'm thinking about being on my own
I think I been wasting my time
I'm thinking about getting out"

lizzyluv
Member
since 12-27-2001
Posts 53
nh, usa. we suck.


8 posted 01-03-2002 09:42 AM       View Profile for lizzyluv   Email lizzyluv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lizzyluv

i like my own words. and the words did curiosify....grar.

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

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