See, the thing about the censorship is this- by joining this site, you agree to the rules. Just don't post poems with profanity in them- by posting everything you write... you leave too much out there for everyone to comment on anyway... so maybe choose some of your more "family-appropriate" poems.... believe me, I have some trouble with it sometimes, too... but in the end, complaining about the rules doesn't really get you anywhere. They aren't going to change.
Now, about the poem.
First five lines are excellent. Great imagery.
'That's mine, you.
can't take it.
I really don't understand this part. You're being too vague, and the back and forth questions just make the poem itself kind of vaporous and hard to grasp.
'We were Your Girls.
But now we're oUr gIrls.'
Personally, I think the capitalization of your girls puts too much emphasis on the words. Also, I really don't understand the U and I being capitalized in our girls? It's distracting.
Now, the bit about the llama... doesn't really make much sense to the reader if the reader is outside your social group. If you want this poem to serve as an inside joke or whatever, that's fine... but if you want other people to understand, you should probably explain that part better, or just omit it.
The last five lines are also really good, I like the placement of hair and the reinforcement of the earlier idea.
"I'm thinking about leaving tomorrow
I'm thinking about being on my own
I think I been wasting my time
I'm thinking about getting out"
[This message has been edited by hush (01-02-2002 11:47 AM).]