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Passions in Poetry

An Ode To A Poet

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strbbux
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since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


0 posted 12-23-2001 08:17 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for strbbux


An ode to a poet

With pen in hand,
And white of sheet,
The poets soul,
Opens to meet,
His heart so full,
Of love and life.
He writes of toils,
He writes of strife.
What'er it is,
That burdens him,
He puts it down,
With ink and pen.
Some tears may flow,
It's he who knows,
From whence it came,
What is it's aim.
He speaks of love
As white as dove
And feelings true
That start anew
He tells his tale.
Then as we read,
And feelings flow,
We then proceed,
Line by line,
Verse by verse,
Savoring every,
Word dispersed.
Ending with truth,
That he holds dear.
Hoping it falls,
On grateful ear.

Floria

© Copyright 2001 Floria Kelderhouse - All Rights Reserved
Shou-Lao
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since 10-12-2001
Posts 101


1 posted 12-24-2001 12:23 PM       View Profile for Shou-Lao   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Shou-Lao


Strbbux

Try doubling up the lines, I think it reads easier that way, what do you think?

With pen in hand and white of sheet
The poets soul opens to meet
His heart, so full of love and life.
He writes of toils, he writes of strife

You also need to tinker with the end, a couple of the lines are a (metrical) foot short.

Thanks for the chance to reply
strbbux
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since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


2 posted 12-24-2001 12:45 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Yes Shau, I agree, it reads so much better like that.I will look again at the end. I so appreciate your input. Merry Christmas. strbbux
strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


3 posted 12-24-2001 12:55 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Shou-Lao you were so right, and what do you think of this? Do I have the meter right  at the ending now?  Floria


An ode to a poet

With pen in hand and white of sheet
The poets soul opens to meet,
His heart so full of love and life,
He writes of toils, he writes of strife.
What'er it is, that burdens him,
He puts it down with ink and pen.
Some tears may flow, it's he who knows,
From whence it came, what is it's aim
He speaks of love as white as dove,
And feelings true, that start anew.
He tells his tale, then as we read,
And feelings flow, we then proceed,
As line by line and verse by verse,
We savor every line dispersed
Ending with truth, that he holds dear.
With hope it falls, on grateful ear.

Floria
Shou-Lao
Member
since 10-12-2001
Posts 101


4 posted 12-24-2001 02:51 PM       View Profile for Shou-Lao   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Shou-Lao


Changing the lines has highlighted the internal rhyme scheme of the central four lines, which is an added bonus, Id be tempted to separate them and make three distinct verses.

Either way it certainly reads easier than before, to me at least, in the end though its really down to you, which do you prefer?
strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


5 posted 12-24-2001 02:55 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

I truly thought to separate, but didn't, only because I wanted to see what you would say. I didn't want to put ideas into your head but wait and see what you thought. I am so very thrilled that we think alike on that. And separation of verses it shall be. And I do so very much thank you. Floria
strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


6 posted 12-24-2001 03:53 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

To Shou Lao, I do thank you my friend. Your assistance to me is so appreciated. This is the only way to learn. From better poets as yourself.I am now proud of this piece. Regards. Floria
An 0de to a Poet

With pen in hand against white sheet
The poet opens soul to meet
His heart- so full of love and life,
He writes of toils and then of strife,
Whatever burden harries him
He carves it out with ink and pen.

Some tears may flow, it's he who knows
From whence it came and what the aim.
He speaks of love as white as doves
And feelings true that start anew.

He rolls his tale out as we read
The feelings flow as we proceed
And line by line; and verse by verse
We savor every line immersed
In craft and truth, which he holds dear
And hopes it falls on grateful ear.


Floria

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 12-04-2001
Posts 3905
Texas, USA


7 posted 12-26-2001 10:49 PM       View Profile for Pilgrimage   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pilgrimage

Dear Floria,
I read the first draft and thought it had serious problems. Then you fixed most of them in the second try. I absolutely love the last one you posted. It's a mature, well-thought-out poem. Very well done.

Nan

strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


8 posted 12-26-2001 10:51 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Pilgrimage, thanks but I do have to admit I had help from all these lovely poets on here. That is why I am posting here. I learn so much on this board..great people here. thanks, floria
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