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Passions in Poetry

Crave for caves

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Englishpoet
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since 12-18-2001
Posts 54
Birmingham, England


0 posted 12-22-2001 01:23 PM       View Profile for Englishpoet   Email Englishpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Englishpoet's Home Page   View IP for Englishpoet

Crave for caves


When in woods I walk at twilight,
Nature swims within our eyes.
Secret of the night brings delight.
When ocean winds caress my face,
Smell of the sea fills my lungs
Like the joy of first embrace.

When the clouds are out of view,
Spider concealing knits her web,
Leaves sleep blanketed with due,
Cities countless commotion ebb,
Archaic moon speaks of ancient love,
The night weaves a velvet glove.


When twitter of the woodland bird,
The rush of the raging copper sea
The roaming of the deer heard,
The lush green emerald forestry,
Spin a web of symphony.
I am free.

Like daffodils singing with heads flinging.
Eyes a glaze in amaze.
Orchestra of glow-worms twinkle,
Heartbeats in synchrony tinkle,
My soul craves for the cave
To join the free and the brave.

Copyright © 2001 by Asif Ahmed. All rights reserved.

© Copyright 2001 Asif Ahmed - All Rights Reserved
Ousiders Cattermole
Junior Member
since 11-02-2001
Posts 28


1 posted 12-22-2001 01:36 PM       View Profile for Ousiders Cattermole   Email Ousiders Cattermole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ousiders Cattermole

Yeah, you got a little bit of talent.
strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


2 posted 12-22-2001 01:39 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Hi English,

blanketed with "dew" sp

you lost your rhyme scheme in the second stanza
you also lost your rhyme scheme in the last stanza.

this is a nice poem. I like the words and the sentiment here. Maybe
take another look at it and see if you could move things around or change a few words to keep the rhyme the same.... I had a hard time learning this and every once in awhile I fall into it too.Hope this helps you, this poem is worth working on. I like it.

I will be back later, have some shopping to do.  Woe is me.. strbbux
Shou-Lao
Member
since 10-12-2001
Posts 101


3 posted 12-24-2001 12:22 PM       View Profile for Shou-Lao   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Shou-Lao


Englishpoet

The changes of rhyme scheme didnít seem to work and I didnít understand the sea-woods-caves connection, unless you were talking about getting back to nature, in which case Iíd try and be a little more specific.

Thanks for the chance to read.
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