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Might Darkness End

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strbbux
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since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


0 posted 12-20-2001 06:25 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for strbbux

Might Darkness End

This misery, woulds't that I not take?
And how woulds't thou my darkness know?
If, in places dark, I should not go.
And sadness, in my heart not listen to.
What woulds't thou have me do,
my misery to end?

A greater place to be. hast thou?
Now take me there, and tarry not!
No longer will my heavy heart wait.
Tis better then, to end this sorrow, great.
If light, to me, thou cans't impart,
then quickly do, before there be
a shattering of my heart.

[This message has been edited by strbbux (12-20-2001 09:39 PM).]

© Copyright 2001 Floria Kelderhouse - All Rights Reserved
rich-pa
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since 02-07-2000
Posts 325
New Orleans, Louisiana


1 posted 12-20-2001 08:41 PM       View Profile for rich-pa   Email rich-pa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rich-pa

i admire the use of old english as much as the next guy, but personally i feel it's mimetic and in the spirit of emerson say to write in your time, make yer time great, forget about the past and glorify the language that you use...that's my opinion...

"freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..."  -janis joplin

Ousiders Cattermole
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since 11-02-2001
Posts 28


2 posted 12-20-2001 08:49 PM       View Profile for Ousiders Cattermole   Email Ousiders Cattermole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ousiders Cattermole

Not to knock your poem, but contemporary poets should never use verbatum from antiquity. Ex: you use thou, and then use my, instead of using mine. And thats just one example. I read another one of your poems and it was'nt too bad. A good tip is to stick with writing contemporary poetry.
- There's but few poets alive whom can conquer the meter of antiquity -
strbbux
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since 12-19-2001
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3 posted 12-20-2001 08:54 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Thank you rich pa for your input, this is the only old english one I tried, not sure I like it either. strbbux
strbbux
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since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


4 posted 12-20-2001 08:57 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Thank you outsiders, I went back and looked at the "my's" and tried to picture the
"mine" in that place and it was too funny. I was laughing, it sounded so foreign and I think that is what you are telling me, this is the only one I have done in this style (which by the way I found very difficult) and wanted input. Don't think I will try it again..I wanted input and I got it. thank you so much strbbux
Ousiders Cattermole
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since 11-02-2001
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5 posted 12-20-2001 09:07 PM       View Profile for Ousiders Cattermole   Email Ousiders Cattermole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ousiders Cattermole

Rich-pa butchered the quote but I agree, 'great poets write about their times'. I did'nt mean to stop your from trying your hand at another poem, its just I write in an older format, and its not the easiest thing to do.

Affliction amid a-wane
for all the willows-a-wander
Rapt amid a-billow
wrought forth for this to ponder.

Queerest dreams - Queerest screams
Quaintest thoughts of a Query dream.

Contemporary poetry is the easiest form to write, thats why so many choose to write in it, and why its easier to get published.

rich-pa
Member
since 02-07-2000
Posts 325
New Orleans, Louisiana


6 posted 12-20-2001 09:14 PM       View Profile for rich-pa   Email rich-pa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rich-pa

i didn't quote him!  i just said in the spirit of emerson...it's easier'cause it's us... old english is another language virtually...ofcourse it's harder...

"freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..."  -janis joplin

Not A Poet
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since 11-03-1999
Posts 4427
Oklahoma, USA


7 posted 12-21-2001 09:51 AM       View Profile for Not A Poet   Email Not A Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Not A Poet's Home Page   View IP for Not A Poet

Hey, I think you guys are being a little too hard on Strbbux here. Actually, IMHO, this is pretty well done. And I see nothing wrong with a modern poet writing in Elizabethan English (not old Elglish, BTW). I think it is a great exercise. It is right that one should try to do it correctly if at all though. I can't claim any expertise but only a very small understanding. As I understand it, mine is to my as an is to a in modern English. In this poem, "my darkness" should stay but "my heart" would more properly be "mine heart." But even where the following word begins with an h, my was often used where mine would have been more proper.

And Strbbux, keep it up if you want. I think you have done a creditable job here. But I still wouldn't advise doing a lot of these.

Thanks,


Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr


I forgot to say, the meter in the 3rd line of the 2nd stanza breaks a little as I read it.

[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (12-21-2001 10:07 AM).]

Englishpoet
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since 12-18-2001
Posts 54
Birmingham, England


8 posted 12-21-2001 11:18 AM       View Profile for Englishpoet   Email Englishpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Englishpoet's Home Page   View IP for Englishpoet

Hi Strbbux
This is well done. But I am told that in modern times we should use modern language.  Today’s poets will not use such language.  It a good way to show that you can do it even as the old masters.
Asif

strbbux
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since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


9 posted 12-21-2001 12:23 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Dear Pete, kindnes yet honesty that you have given me is what keeps us writers going. I am so honored to have your comments on my poem and look forward to reading some of yours..thank you so much, will look at the third line, and I am glad to know that my can sometimes be used as in this case. I did not think this to be old english as I looked up old english and it is totally dificult to understand, I am happy to learn it is elizabethan.. I do kind of like the style. But I also admit, that writing todays english is so much easier. I thank you kindly for your comments and kindness. strbbux
strbbux
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since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


10 posted 12-21-2001 12:24 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Dear Asif, As always you are kind in your replies to me.. I cherish this. Thank you for giving me the encouragement to continue to learn..I also look forward to reading more of your work...strbbux


" Learning, always learning" strbbux
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