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Help with title either Awoke America or Awakening

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Englishpoet
Member
since 12-18-2001
Posts 54
Birmingham, England


0 posted 12-19-2001 11:42 PM       View Profile for Englishpoet   Email Englishpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Englishpoet's Home Page   View IP for Englishpoet

AWAKENING

Thunderous terror shook 11th September.
Awoke America from her slumber.
Pain inflamed my every vein,
To see friends falling like rain.

This cruel act, this cowardly deed,
Fanaticism falsifies my creed.
Shoulder-to-shoulder friends we stand.
New York stretches to desert sand.

America weeps under the cypress tree:
Why do my fellow nations despise me
When I have fought against tyranny
To build a land of the brave and free?

I proclaimed all men are created equal,
Life, liberty and pursuit of happiness run in sequel.
In my land, Prosperity and Justice swell.
Self-evident truths only tyrants quell.

Founding fathers heard her anguished cry,
And from heaven sent this reply:
Good deeds should flower in our name.
How did Violence our case claim?

Today greed and vested interests run,
Few lives bask in our golden sun.
Wheels of wealth and pursuit of power,
Are churning in never-ending hour
For a few in ivory tower.

When autumn leaves fall to the ground,
They never provoke a single sound.
Not bombs but carpet of bluebell,
Will softly slay the hounds of Hell.

O Land of Hope and Glory,
Share your bounty and your story.
Let paupers mingle with the Earl,
This World is a single pearl.


Copyright 2001by Asif Ahmed. All rights reserved.

Englishpoet
http://www.englishpoets.com

© Copyright 2001 Asif Ahmed - All Rights Reserved
strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


1 posted 12-20-2001 06:30 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Why has no on replied to this? This is a wonderful poem, so much feeling, I am very patriotic so I loved it, The entire poem carried the feelings through it.. I would love to see the word America in the title, because that is what the poem is about.IMHO and believe me it is humble.. so I hope you don't mind me replying.. strbbux
rich-pa
Member
since 02-07-2000
Posts 325
New Orleans, Louisiana


2 posted 12-20-2001 08:39 PM       View Profile for rich-pa   Email rich-pa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rich-pa

hey, good subject, it is something that has moved us as americans and many otyher peoples across the globe, some that share this room....i won't give my cultural relativist spiel to it cause of the emotion involved, my only suggestion is to fix the one stanza that is 5 lines instead of four...you have a structured poem, keep the structure and rhyme scheme

"freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..."  -janis joplin

Englishpoet
Member
since 12-18-2001
Posts 54
Birmingham, England


3 posted 12-21-2001 06:53 AM       View Profile for Englishpoet   Email Englishpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Englishpoet's Home Page   View IP for Englishpoet

Hi Thanks for your comments. My original title was Awake America. So I'll go back to it.

Happy holidays

Asif
shoffswife
Junior Member
since 12-23-2001
Posts 39
KY, US


4 posted 12-23-2001 02:28 AM       View Profile for shoffswife   Email shoffswife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for shoffswife

By no means am I a very good poet, but I think America Has Been Awaken would be good.  I just thought I'd offer some help.
I love the poem.  There is so much emotion in it, and was heartfelt.  
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